** CHAPTER THREE **
That evening, Danielle and her sister sat down with their mother for a dinner of spaghetti with meatballs and lightly burnt green beans. Their mother had poured herself a glass of red wine, which meant she was more open about her day than usual. She only spoke in vague incidents, but Danielle gathered that the hospital had been busy, that her mother had to put in hours outside her department and her own patients. She was tired and had every right to complain, but she smiled as she spoke. Danielle wanted to ask for more details, but she knew her mother rarely talked about her patients. That took two glasses.
Katie, on the other hand, was overflowing with stories from marching band practice. Having met none of Katie's new friends, Danielle found it hard to remember who was who.
"I can't wait for the competition Saturday," Katie concluded. "We're going to kick Central's butt."
"Katie. Language," their mother scolded lightly.
Danielle's brow knit. "Don't we go to dad's Saturday?"
"Sorry, Dani. I meant to tell you." Her mother frowned. "Your father said he's away for a conference this weekend. You'll be here with me."
Danielle made a tiny noise of disapproval. Since the divorce last winter, she and Katie were supposed to see their father twice a month, but such a month hadn't come yet. He was often away or busy, and between her parents and sister's busy schedules, there was never a spare day.
"How was your day, sweetie? Are you getting along well with Jeffrey's mom?"
"It was fine," Danielle said as she rolled the last meatball around her plate. The second question made her conscious of the extra padding between her and her seat. She'd told her mother her plan to wear protection to school the day before, but she wasn't sure whether her mother and Mrs Masters had talked about her second accident or the potty. Sometimes adults were clueless, but other times she was certain they had secret meetings after her bedtime.
"And school? Do you like your teachers?"
Danielle pouted. "They're mean."
"Aw, sweetie. I'm sure they won't seem that way once you get to know them better."
"Hey Dani," Katie said. "You're taking music this year, right? Have you picked an instrument?"
Danielle shook her head.
"That reminds me," their mother interrupted. "I found something you might like."
Danielle didn't immediately look up when her mother returned to the room. When she heard her name, she lifted her head to see the open case of a flute in her mother's hands. The flute's surface shone brilliantly though it was worn around the keys and bore a few scratches.
"For me?" Danielle asked in disbelief.
"If you want it. We may never understand why Katie picked that horrible saxophone, but I thought you might take after me."
Katie stuck her tongue out from across the table.
"It was yours?" Danielle half-whispered.
"I played in high school mostly, but it was my favorite distraction in med school."
Danielle jumped up and hugged her mother. "Will you show me how to play it?"
"We'll see if I remember anything," she answered laughing. "Let's get the dishes cleaned first."
Cheeks cheerfully sore from her first flute lesson, Danielle brushed her teeth and prepared for bed. She tugged a new pull-up into place then paused to look at herself in her bedroom mirror and tried to see what Mrs Masters must see. She liked to think her long, straight hair was better kept than anything found on an elementary school brat. She wasn't the most fashionable girl, but she didn't think she dressed like a little kid either. But now she wore only her night shirt and the flower-patterned training pants. Small and thin as she was, there wasn't much about the picture that distinguished it from her younger self.
She smiled as she remembered the praise she'd earned from Mrs Masters that afternoon. None of her new teachers spoke that way. Middle school was confusing, but she was good at elementary school. Why not enjoy it a little longer?
The following day Danielle felt like the star of music class. She could play no more than "Mary Had a Little Lamb" with a ragged tempo, but it was more musical than the honks and squawks created by the other students. Danielle felt proud to hold the same instrument her mother once played, as if its years of experience gave her more confidence. Mrs Edwards warned her again about her bookbag, but she seemed to have forgotten she'd warned Danielle once before.
That afternoon Danielle smiled unblushingly when Mrs Masters praised her potty use. She even managed do to do it with her babysitter in the room just for the extra attention. Seeing Danielle full of energy, Mrs Masters suggested the girls play out back, so the two tossed a foam football back and forth. Megan couldn't throw it far at all and was worse yet at catching, but she shouted with glee each time she ran after the ball. Half an hour into their game, Danielle ushered Megan back inside so that the toddler could watch the older girl responsibly relieve herself again. It took Mrs Masters a moment to join them, but Danielle waited patiently to be wiped clean.
At home, Danielle's mother scolded her again for not finishing her homework before playing.
"But I'd rather do it with Katie. In case I have questions."
"You can always save the questions for later. I'm not going to have you stay up past your bedtime just because you chose to play first. And you wonder why I insisted on a babysitter. Honestly."
Danielle pouted but didn't talk back. She almost never needed help, but she liked doing her homework when Katie was around. With Katie's perpetually busy schedule, it was one of the few things they still did together.
"Do you want to play a game?" Danielle asked while zipping her bookbag closed. Their mother's complaints aside, the girls still had an hour before bedtime. Danielle had finished before her sister but had spent the last ten minutes staring at her history book and trying to think of something to do together that wouldn't be too childish for the teenager.
"What game?"
"Mousetrap?" Danielle squeaked. It was always her first choice. She loved setting up the board.
"That's for babies, Dani. How about a card game?"
"Go Fish?"
"How about Crazy Eights? We played it all the time at band camp."
Once the rules were explained to her, Crazy Eights seemed a lot like Go Fish, but Danielle didn't tell Katie that. She was happy just to have any time with her sister.
On Friday, Danielle ducked into the restroom just seconds before the 7th period bell. The place was a wreck. Danielle hopped over a puddle of water where it met the overflow of the waste bin. She headed straight for the farthest stall. Less nervous than she had been Wednesday, she settled down on the closed toilet and began her homework.
Fifteen minutes before school let out, someone knocked on the bathroom door.
"Anyone in there?" a man's voice asked.
Danielle didn't respond.
Ten seconds later, Danielle heard the sound of wheels as the man pushed a cart full of cleaning supplies into the room. The custodian grunted and muttered as he bagged the discarded paper towels, mopped up the puddle, and began to work on the clogged sink. She imagined his bushy eyebrows meeting in a scowl and his mustache flickering at the edges with every grumble. How much worse it'd wriggle if he knew which mess-making girl was hiding in the bathroom. He had been the one to clean up after her that terrible Monday.
Danielle brought her legs up to sit cross-legged on the toilet lid. Too afraid to breathe. She felt a sudden familiar warmth in the seat of her pants. She caught a squeal of surprise in her throat before it became audible. She needed to relax, not panic. As warmth spread across her front and back, she decided she would have used her pull-up on purpose anyway so that she wouldn't get caught, but she prayed that she wouldn't leak and dribble onto the floor where the custodian might see or hear. The man exited the bathroom just before the final bell rang.
The whole ride home Danielle was conscious of the warm feeling of the pull-up clinging to her bottom. She'd woke wet all her life, but it was different to sit and move wearing the garment made heavy by her accident. Different too to know she couldn't change right away. She kept to herself, too afraid that others could sense her predicament. Her pants felt like she'd stuffed them with balloons, and she wasn't sure that she'd know if she leaked. When the bus reached her corner, she ran for the Masters' house.
Danielle worried that Mrs Masters would catch her wet. She'd earned so much praise in the past two days, and she didn't want to undo it. With her spare pull-ups still in her backpack, she considered how she might change unseen. She'd have privacy in the bathroom, but it would be suspicious of her to use it after agreeing to use the plastic potty. More suspicious if she took her bookbag in with her. She'd have to hope Mrs Masters would leave her alone long enough that she could hide a dry pull-up under her shirt.
She opened the door to find Megan on the floor having her diaper changed.
"Good afternoon, Danya," Mrs Masters said. "Megan will be ready to play in just a minute."
Danielle sat down on the couch. She nearly leaped when she felt her warm underpants squish. She slid her hands under her thighs to be sure she hadn't leaked.
"All clean!" Mrs Masters helped her daughter stand. "As you can see by the room, we were a bit of a piggy-pig today. Weren't we, Megan? Why don't you girls go to Megan's room while I clean?"
Danielle almost pointed out that she had homework, but she realized this plan would get her out from under Mrs Masters' eye.
"Sure," she said.
"Let's go!" Megan ran up and tugged fiercely at Danielle's hand.
Mrs Masters took hold of Danielle's bookbag. Being pulled ahead, Danielle looked over her shoulder to see her babysitter waving as she set the bag down near the door.
"Have fun, you two."
Megan pulled Danielle into a room decorated in the purples and pinks of a toddler princess. It looked about as messy as the living room with stuffed animals and clothes scattered across the floor. Megan had graduated to a toddler bed with a low railing, but her changing table still occupied one corner.
"What do you want to do, Megan?" Danielle asked.
"Dress up!" Megan announced. The toddler pounced on a chest and opened it to reveal an assortment of fancy fabrics and sequins. She pulled out an over-sized dress with feather-laden shoulders. "This is my favorite."
"It's very pretty," Danielle said. "What should I wear?"
When Danielle saw the blue dress and its fluffy layered skirt, she decided to wait on her change.
The girls helped each other into the outfits. Danielle was certain Megan saw her sodden pull-up, but the toddler never shouted for her mother like she had the first day. It's not like she cares when she's wet herself, Danielle reasoned. Already growing used to her heavy pants, Danielle quickly forgot her mission to find fetch a clean pull-up. They applied imaginary make-up using plastic compacts and lipstick tubes, and then they modeled all the scarves, hats and tiaras Megan had to offer.
They were gossiping about who they hoped to see at the dance when Danielle felt the back of her dress rise. She turned her head to see Mrs Masters bending behind her.
"Uh oh. Somebody had too much fun," Mrs Masters sang as she took Danielle's hand. The babysitter led her charge down the hallway.
In the living room Mrs Masters lifted the hem of the over-sized dress. "Hold this, please? A little higher?"
Danielle's hands trembled and the dress drooped. She wanted to make an excuse but nothing would come out.
"That dress really is impossible," Mrs Masters sighed. She cupped the girl's armpits and lifted her a few inches into the air. "Let's get you cleaned up, Danya."
Mrs Masters helped Danielle down onto Megan's changing mat. Danielle was on her back so quickly she could only stare up at Mrs Masters, bewildered. Mrs Masters lightly tickled the girl's belly. Danielle smiled nervously while her babysitter lifted the dress out of the way and tore free the pull-up without any help from her.
"You must have been too excited to notice, hm? What a pretty dress though."
Danielle didn't know how to respond, but Mrs Masters didn't seem to expect anything. Soon Danielle was clean and on her feet. Mrs Masters gave her a gentle pat when she noticed the girl hadn't moved.
"Run along and play."
Danielle obediently skipped down the hall. She wasn't sure what had just happened, but it felt just as good as using the potty.
Megan and Danielle were mid-way through arranging their penguin and giraffe guests for a tea party when Mrs Masters called Danielle into the living room.
"It's your mommy," Mrs Masters said as she handed Danielle the house phone.
"Hi mama," Danielle said.
"I tried calling your cell, but you didn't pick up. Is everything ok?"
"I left my bookbag in the other room." Thinking about the bag and its contents, Danielle felt her cheeks flush.
"I'm going to be staying even later tonight and Katie's on her way to a game. Will you be ok with Marianne watching you for another hour or two?"
"Okay," Danielle said.
"I love you, sweetie. Be good."
"I love you too, mama."
"We were supposed to go to Jeffrey's game tonight," Mrs Masters said when the phone was returned. "Jeffrey would understand if we stayed in. If we went, we might be back a little later than your mother. Would you want to go?"
"Please please please!" Megan whined.
"Okay," Danielle said.
"Alright then. I'll throw a pizza into the oven so we can eat before we go. But first, do you need to potty, Danya?"
"Umm..." Danielle was caught off guard.
"Why don't we be a big girl and try."
Danielle hadn't actually peed since seventh period so she did need to go. Mrs Masters praised her for being a big girl, but she checked Danielle's pull-up all the same. When Danielle was done, Megan insisted on trying the potty too, but she had already wet her diaper thoroughly. After Megan was changed, the girls were sent to clean up Megan's room.
When they were called to dinner, Danielle found both hers and Megan's slices cut up into small pieces. Once the pizza was gone and Mrs Masters had wiped their hands and faces, they were asked to potty one more time. Danielle couldn't explain it, but she smiled when Mrs Masters packed her last pull-up in Megan's diaper bag. It felt like the pull-up was a piece of her and Mrs Masters was keeping it safe.
Mrs Masters herded the girls into the car and drove off to the game. Holding hands, she led the chain of girls through the crowd on the walk to their seats where they met Jeffrey's dad. Megan and Danielle were bursting with energy at first, but the game itself was confusing and long. Danielle had never understood football, but Mr and Mrs Masters tried to explain what had happened each time the teams paused.
After halftime, Mrs Masters herded the girls to the restroom where Danielle was asked to potty. Danielle was relieved that she didn't see anyone she knew but could only hope no one in the stalls overheard. Once she came out of the stall to find Mrs Masters changing Megan's diaper. Danielle paused to watch, jealous once more.
"Remember to wash your hands, Danya," her babysitter reminded her.
As Danielle scrubbed, she wondered why she wasn't permitted to use her protection like the toddler was. Wasn't Megan supposed to be training too? But Megan wasn't told to be a big girl, didn't have to wash her hands. She didn't have to worry about anything. Danielle thought that using her training pants at such a long event would be much more convenient for everyone. As the water ran over her hands she considered wetting on purpose next time.
Megan fell asleep on the ride home, and the car grew silent except for the hum of the road and the click of the turn signal. Alone with her thoughts, Danielle felt confused and guilty for her feelings earlier. She didn't understand why she'd been jealous of a toddler or why part of her looked forward to her next accident. None of this would have happened if her mother believed she was grown-up enough to stay home alone.
"Mrs Masters?" she squeaked.
"Yes, dear?"
Danielle bit her lip. "Never mind."
The car grew quiet.
"Are you wet?"
"No," Danielle mumbled.
"Good girl. We'll get you home soon."
Danielle had to admit it wasn't all her mother's fault. Danielle wanted most to to throw away all her Sleep Tites, but she couldn't. She would wet the bed like always, and Monday would repeat itself. Mrs Masters knew it would. She knew it would. It was out of her control. And that was the worst feeling.
