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Author Topic: Diaper Friends Part 2  (Read 13940 times)

gmottl

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« on: February 01, 2008, 03:03:50 am »

Well, i just finished it and i worked on it for only 1 night but i think it's better than the first, no hyper pooping, no stereotype diaper play as BurningBlood put it. I hope you enjoy the second part to Diaper Friends Part 2. I used a differant writing techniqe than i usually use, i wrote like you normally do, jujst capitalizing and spacing as a wrote and not when i was ready to post. i spell and grammer checked after i finshed so i'm pretty sure it's ready. Please note there is no te be continued nor is there the end because i'm not sure about the story or myself but i hope you enjoy and find it better than the first, here's part 2.




                             Diaper Friends Part 2




It had been over a week since the sleepover and Sara's relationship with her friends had definitely changed. Though they continued to hide their joy of diapers from the other kids they began to talk more about it amongst themselves. Sara had changed too, she no longer felt envious of little kids who wore diapers and after a few well timed "accidents", her mother put her in diapers during the day as well.

Sara's sleepover was starting in 20 minutes and she was getting the last bits of details finished up. The punch was made, the snacks were ready and a new garbage bag in her room for the used diapers.

Her friends had arrived in the span of 5 minutes and they immediately went to her room.

After 30 minutes Sara's mother had left them alone for the night and the girls striped off their pants.

"Nice place you got here Sara" said Amy.

"Thanks, it’s not much, but it’s all I need” said Sara.

“Anyone mind is I go, I’m starting to get some cramps” said Patty.

“Nothings stopping ya” said Tammy.

Patty got up into a small squat and began to grunt. Her diaper expanded with the large load she had to do.

“Wow, how long have you been holding that one” asked Sara.

“About 9 hours” said Patty.

“Well, Pull-ups are over there if you need them, unless you brought your own” said Sara.

“We each brought a pack, just in case” said Amy.

“Did you see Suzy the other day, She looked like she was gonna die during gym class” said Tammy.

“Yeah, I heard she got a bad flu from her cousin, their going to be watching everyone in school for signs on contagiousness” said Amy.

“Well, let’s hope no one else get’s it” said Sara.

Then Tammy got up a bit.

“Here comes supper” she said while straining.

Her load was a little harder than Patty’s but was still uncomfortable to sit in so Tammy got up after a minute and pulled her poopy diaper off and grabbed a new one from her bag. Patty got up and changed as well.

Shortly after the girls put on a movie and got into bed to relax. By the time the movie was over everyone had a wet Pull-up.

“Well, that sucked, I can’t believe Shannon said that was a good movie” said Amy.

“Yeah, I make better material in my diaper” said Sara. Everyone laughed.

“Yeah, I don’t know about you but a lot of these hyped-up teen movies just blow chunks” said Tammy.

“No, it’s not just you” said Nikki.

The clock read 11:00 and the girls though they should get ready for bed. They all changed into fresh diapers and tossed the wet ones into the trash.

“You sure your mom won’t be suspicious” asked Bibi.

“Yeah, she let’s me be in charge of this trash can so I just take it to the curb myself, she doesn’t check, and even if she did, she probably think they were all mine with some of yours, she only thinks you guys just wet at night” said Sara.

Sara shut off the light and the girls crawled into their sleeping bags and Sara climbed into bed. With just the light of the bed lamp the girls began to talk.

“So, anyone else know any other people who wet” asked Sara.

“My cousins, but they really do just wet at night” said Amy.

“My big sister, she wears those Goodnites to bed, she wanted to try my Pull-ups but they’re too big for her” said Bibi.

“Just the odd friend or too” said Tammy, the other girls answer was the same.

“So Sara is it hard keeping your Pull-ups secret at school” asked Amy.

“A little, but i just take my bag into the bathroom, a few girls had asked questions but i just tell them i have special medical needs, that just keeps them quiet and respectful, besides, i do have medical problems so it’s not exactly a lie” said Sara.

“But what if someone bad finds out” asked Bibi.

“Well, i just figure I’d cross that bridge when i come to it, I’m not scared if this comes out, i have you guys to share it with me” said Sara. The girls just smiled.

A few minutes later they all fell asleep.

In the morning the girls woke up to Sara’s messy diaper and wet Pull-ups on all of them.

“Whoa, i didn’t think i pooped that much at night” said Sara.

“Don’t worry about it, we’re all used to it” said Amy.

“Girl’s, i made pancakes” called Sara’s mom from the kitchen.

“My mom makes the best pancakes, with homemade syrup too” said Sara. They all ran out of the room and downstairs.




_____________________________ ________________




Please give me your comments.
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Nemo

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2008, 10:18:05 am »

That was pretty random, but yeh, much better than part one.

That said, go back over it and think what might have happened that you haven't told us and flesh it out and tell us these things.

Also, there are still some errors, for instance
Quote
Sara had changed too, she no longer felt envious of little kids who wore diapers and after a few well timed "accidents", and her mother put her in diapers during the day as well.
There are too many 'and's there. Also - you might want to talk about that a little more? Anyway - you also said that Sarah's mum wasn't going to be happy at the end of part one: perhaps you need to deal with that in this part?
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gmottl

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2008, 10:31:57 am »

your right about the and thing, it's gone now, i can't believe i missed that, good call, and i guess i should've reread part one, i thought i knew it good.
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Jaiden

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2008, 10:46:41 am »

It's nice to see that you've put the effort in to make this a notable improvement over the first one.  It does need more flesh on its bones and there doesn't seem to really be a narrative as such, just a couple of snippets from this girl's life, but you've come on considerably so well done for that.
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gmottl

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2008, 01:00:46 pm »

i should note that i did this, from first letter to final post in less than an hour, i wanted to finish quick to get it off my chest and i left the ending open so i could finish it or not depending on what everyone thinks of it, especially vickie.
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Dolphins2011

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2008, 01:50:21 pm »

It was better than part one. You're actually becoming an okay writer.
One thing you should always remember

Good stories are just about diapers and what people do in them, with basic simple minded characters (that's where you are)

GREAT stories are about people actually living regular realistic lives, with emotions and feelings, but they happen to wear diapers.

Also, you might want to make the jump from pull-ups to diapers, that would make the story better.

All in all good job. You're really getting better.

Oh and good job spacing and such, it was very easy to read.
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soxfan08

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2008, 02:45:16 pm »

It was much better, but still very generic and over the top. Keep going though, you'll get it. I had and still have the same problem.
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Former Member

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2008, 06:19:25 pm »

Quote from: burningblood2011


Also, you might want to make the jump from pull-ups to diapers, that would make the story better.

quote]


How would that make it beter?
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Dolphins2011

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2008, 06:39:47 pm »

Quote from: Fire/Wesker/Fowl
Quote from: "burningblood2011"


Also, you might want to make the jump from pull-ups to diapers, that would make the story better.

quote]


How would that make it beter?


Pull-ups are good for the start, but diapers are diapers, you can't really replace them. They're way more absorbent. And which sounds better: sliding an old pull-up off and pulling a new one up OR untaping the soaked diaper and then laying down for a fresh on, pulling up the front and snugly taping it into place?
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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2008, 12:33:40 am »

In real life the diapers are beter. But in a fictional story pull-ups can be just as good as diapers to the people in the story. I heard some people will wear pull-ups but not a diaper.

Pull-ups are sort of the best of both worlds of diapers and underwear. Theres been times where I wish I been in pull-ups instead of diapers, mainly due to convince of going to the bathroom normally. Really I dare you to take a road trip/camping trip in diapers 24/7 for about 6 days.

Also Orms don't say anything about that since I know you guys loved your camping trip.  :D But when its rainy and wet on the coast of oregon well diapers just aren't fun there.
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Dolphins2011

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2008, 09:32:53 am »

True, but when you're inside a comfortable house, where clearly no girl is going to the bathroom, diapers would be better.
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soxfan08

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2008, 10:34:10 am »

I agree with burningblood, the pull-ups do kind of take away from the plot. Pull-ups are good when the character is trying to hide the diaper or does not want to be in a diaper, but for this diapers would be better
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Nemo

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2008, 11:59:50 am »

I only think pull-ups are unsuibtable because all they do is crap themselves. Otherwise, actually, I think pull-ups are quite sweet.

Also - Blood - it looks like you're calling him simple minded, not his story.

Gmotti - only spending an hour isn't something to be proud of or an excuse: it just means you should have spent longer.
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MrMcAwesome

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2008, 07:36:53 pm »

ok im gona be a jerk. It was huge improvement from your first, but i still hated it.

Firstly still way to much poop.
Secondly the dialogue did not feel natural
Thirdly unless we are in a paralell universe, this is in no way realistic
Fourthly What was the point? This chapter led to pancakes.
Fifthly spending just an hour on this and telling us is frustrating, it says that "screw you guys your only worth an hour"
And finally learn how girls act, this would be way more suited if the characters were boys
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gmottl

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #14 on: February 27, 2008, 09:00:38 pm »

i've already decided to quit, just so you know.
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Nemo

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2008, 09:06:15 pm »

Don't quit! The fact that you were making progress should be enough for you to want to carry on trying.
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RT

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Diaper Friends Part 2
« Reply #16 on: March 14, 2008, 03:39:25 am »

Quote from: "someguy"
What was the point? This chapter led to pancakes.


You answered your own question.  Pancakes are ALWAYS the point.

EDIT:

Didn't wanna double post.  The first part was done on a PSP, so had to be short.  I had more to say, though.

Quote from: "gmottl"
i've already decided to quit, just so you know.


The question I ask beginning writers is this:  why do you write?  Do you write to get a pat on the head?  Do you do it to make others happy?  Do you do it becuase you just love writing?

If you want praise and other good beans, you're gonna have to earn it.  It's the toughest thing to do.  However, if you just write for attention then mission accomplished beacause you have a lot of views and a lot of replies.

If you write to make other people happy, then it's probably gonna take a bit more work.  Reading this story I have to admit I was inspired, because it would be so easy to take what you have here and make it into something so much better.  I try to refrain from comandeering other people's stories, but sometimes it's fun.  I don't do it as an insult though.  I do it because I wanna help you nuggets get better, and also because of the third reason...

Which is the love of writing.  If you had that then I can guarentee you you would've spent more than an hour on this.  If you don't love to write then just forget the whole thing, because you'll never be able to improve.  Without passion you've got nothing.


What you have here is a pretty generic story.  I think the concept of the sleepover, where you have a few girls who all have the same interest could actually be a fairly good read, but your characters are just not alive.  They aren't real... they're just a means to an end and that end is something that is seemingly very shallow.  Make them into real people... experiment with emotions and try to put yourself into their shoes a bit to get a perspective.  Also, realize that all people aren't the same.  That's one of the hardest things I have encountered in writing... making the characters actually different.  The best way, I think, is to base them on real people, or even existing characters.  Imagine that character as your character and adopt their vocabulary, way of speaking, mannerisms etc etc.  It's good practice.

If you want to be a good writer, then you're gonna need to practice.  I've been writing a long long time, and I just barely started posting my writings for anyone else to see.  And I still have a long way to go before I reach any of my long term goals.  It's a process... and an art.  And it's a discipline too.  But it's also rewarding, and a good way to spend your time.

Just... hang in there bro.  I can sense you have a bit of the passion... it just needs development.  You might be a great writer if you just keep with it.

Feel free to run your roughs by me via PM if you want.  It's something atleast one other writer here (who has been incommunicado lately... where are you Ambivvy  :( ) does with me.  In fact, I'm sure a few of the good people here would be willing to edit for you.

So, here's to a much improved chapter 3!
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End transmission.

diaperteen1989

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That story was great!!!
« Reply #17 on: July 16, 2008, 08:54:59 pm »

Great story I can't wait till the next chapter or if there's ever going to be another chapter either way I can't wait to read the next chapter and or the next story. :D  8)  :D  8)  :D  8)
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