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  • WBDaddy
    Reply to Moving on... 12:10:18 Chapter 1.
    WBDaddy
    Which leads me to my nitpick - in the first segment, you interpolate 1st and 3rd quite a bit in a couple of paragraphs. For a moment I started to wonder if this was intentional, that perhaps the main character had a bit of dissociative identity disorder going on....
    10-18-2018, 11:39:21 AM
  • Cute-Kitten
    Reply to Moving on... 12:10:18 Chapter 1.
    Cute-Kitten
    It could help to try thinking of first person as similar to a very tight and up close third person limited pov. I found that helpful on the last story I wrote in first person pov. Helped my brain transition from third to first.
    10-18-2018, 11:09:28 AM
  • Kellart
    Cialis Prescrizione Kellart
    Kellart
    10-18-2018, 10:51:14 AM
  • NateSean
    Reply to Smooth Sailing (A One-Shot)
    NateSean
    Interesting bit. There's a sort of 1984 vibe here. You gave us a snapshot of a world where this is possible and made me wonder what life beyond college would be like for Tara....
    10-18-2018, 10:43:49 AM
  • NateSean
    Reply to On The Cross ~ A Kirke McDougal Story
    NateSean
    I should probably get this out of the way. There will be pooping in this story. I'll try not to go overboard with the descriptions but it may turn some people off. Like myself, there are probably some people here who are on the autistic spectrum and if Kirke offends you or you're saying, "That's not like anyone in the world who has autism," then please just remember that is a big world out there with lots of people who will defy your own expectations. I've known an autistic man whose mother...
    10-18-2018, 10:38:06 AM
  • Sharlin
    Reply to Moving on... 12:10:18 Chapter 1.
    Sharlin
    Thanks, Vearynope,

    I see your point. Appreciate it! I'm trying to weave myself out of the third person and into the first person with this piece. I've not fully managed that yet and seems a little stuck into my third person mode still...
    More will come.
    10-18-2018, 02:13:19 AM
  • Vearynope
    Reply to Moving on... 12:10:18 Chapter 1.
    Vearynope
    I'll save any comments on the actual plot until more has been revealed. It's a bit early yet.

    In terms of content, I'd say that you've got plenty of description, but perhaps it isn't being used to its full potential.
    Let me use this segment as an example.



    First, the paragraph before it details the protagonist marveling at the mansion. This continues with her exclamation. "Woo ha."
    But then, you go back to describing the interaction with...
    10-17-2018, 07:43:36 PM
  • Les Lea
    Reply to Baby Dick 1-8
    Les Lea
    My pleasure and I'm so glad you enjoyed the happy ending... for all
    10-17-2018, 02:45:55 AM
  • WriteAndLeft
    NaNoWriMo 2018
    WriteAndLeft
    10-17-2018, 02:01:57 AM
  • WriteAndLeft
    Reply to 15 years!
    WriteAndLeft
    Oh my goodness, I would have never gotten adult content through mail order. I never went to DPF because I first heard about it on Jerry Springer and the ABs on the show did not really do a whole lot to get me to think this was a good place to visit. I am still just a DL and not an AB.

    I remember that when I started. I just googled (actually, I think it was Yahoo, because there was no Google then.) and found Patch's and Wetset. Patches had the earliest stories I remember back then,...
    10-17-2018, 01:59:19 AM

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Started by WriteAndLeft, 10-17-2018, 02:01:57 AM
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Last Post Sharlin
by Sharlin
 
Deleted: Cialis Prescrizione Kellart by Kellart
Started by Kellart, 10-18-2018, 10:51:14 AM
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Started by Sharlin, 10-12-2018, 08:00:15 PM
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Last Post WBDaddy
by WBDaddy
 
Started by BabyAnna, 05-18-2018, 02:14:57 PM
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Started by Les Lea, 08-25-2018, 04:04:13 AM
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by Les Lea
 
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