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Very Old Parody by Victoriah Nichole Little

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    Very Old Parody by Victoriah Nichole Little

    Ok guys - Lu asked about this so I am gonna post it. A lot of you prolly won't get most of the jokes because they are from back when we were still on Bravenet under James' direction (or lack thereof…). I have changed several of the names to what they are today, to protect identities. I think y'all will like it.

    Maybe I should write a new new one with our current loved ones?

    READ THIS FIRST!!: This parody is written in Play format. Basically it is set up like a support group meeting. If you are a regular on the board and I missed you, it's NOT because I don't like you. It's just that you didn't fit in with any of the cliches I thought of to add. Please remember, this is meant to be a gentle ribbing and let us laugh at ourselves, not as an insult to anyone - heck, look what I did to myself in it! Comments, anyone? :-)

    The scene opens in a room with a circle of chairs. Several people are already there, sitting about chatting quietly by sending messages to eachother on their laptop computers. A man in a white coat enters and sits down.

    Man in coat: Okay everyone, it's time for us to begin the support group meeting.

    Someone from group: Who are YOU?

    Man: I'm James. I'm the founder of this group.

    Another from group: You are NOT. There is no founder - we never see you.

    James: Of course. No founder - this group just started itself. Spontaneous evolution out of thin air.

    SomePerson: Evolution??? We're not going to talk about GOD again are we? Damn Bible Thumpers bother me more than diaper rash. Damn Bible thumpers always trying to ruin everyone's fun. Damn Bible thumpers…..by the way….does anyone know when the Olsen Twins were REALLY potty trained? Damn Bible thumpers.

    James: (sighing) No we aren't going to talk about God, or homosexuals either, or why everyone in the whole damn world is going to hell. Our purpo..

    :::Trumpets sound:::

    Ghost In The Shell: (Looking glum) Oh shit. Why does she always have to make such a big deal entrance? Besides, she always puts down everything I say…

    Royal Caller enters: Hear ye, Hear ye, Her Royal Bitchiness, Princess Vickie…

    Ken: I always KNEW she was a bitch. I think I'll go write another version of my one story.

    Kurt Angle: Has anyone figured out yet if she's a real girl or not? I don't think she is - it's true, it's true!

    James: Maybe we should stop here and continue nex….

    Long Rifle: NOOOO Dammit! You have to write the WHOLE thing now or you might lose it!

    Bob Smiley: We could always claim there was a computer crash. Again. Or that aliens came and stole the computer…

    Amy: I'm an alien. So's my cousin.

    Callie: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

    (Callie and Amy stare coldly at one another when suddenly another girl comes in)

    Lu: Hi Everyone! I know I haven't been here in awhile, but…

    Someone in the group: Who the hell are you?

    Vickie: Layton! (Tries to "knuffle" her)

    Lu: Would you STOP calling me that? Everyone calls me Lu.

    Bladin: Why do we always have to argue? Can't we all just get along?

    All: NO!

    James: (Trying to restore order) Okay everyone. Now, the reason we are all here is to talk about how we like diapers…

    WingZ: I don't. I just come here to talk about Hockey and sports. Also I'm insensitive and I don't give a flying f*** what anyone else thinks…

    Jericho: Yeah me neither. I just want to talk about wrestling and invisible teenage baby girl ghosts. ::Suddenly drops voice to whisper:: I see dead people… (Immediately gets in a discussion about last night's matches with Kurt Angle and Kenk7us. They also discuss whether or not Jericho REALLY saw a match between Owen Hart and British Bulldog last night.)

    Amy: Do we have to talk about this? That's NOT what this forum is about.

    SomePerson: Yeah. Let's talk about the Olsen Twins instead.

    Amy: NO CHILDREN!!

    Girl in group: Look, I'll start. My name is Morphius and….

    Several people in group: Oh my God!!! MORPHIUS is a GIRL!?!

    Vickie: Well of COURSE she is. Everyone knows that only people named DEEKER like BOYS in diapers!! Ewww….Boys gots COOTIES!

    James: Okay look - we are here to talk about why certain things are so common in every story, like being small for age, diapers not being changed for long periods of time, and why the characters develop a sudden bedwetting, pants wetting problem or just suddenly develop a fetish for diapers for no reason whatsoever and with no prior feelings about them. And why no one points out these absurdities in a story.

    Vickie: I do…

    Ghost in the Shell: Only if it's MY story.

    Tank Cop: Naw, she puts down my stories too. Vickie's an equal opportunity bitch.

    Kenk7us: Hey, I know!! Let's talk about our profiles.

    DaiperedTeenBaby: I thought I was the only one with stupid ideas that no one liked.

    Others in group respond with enthusiasm. Scene closes as someone says: "Join us next time when will hear Y2J ask: WHY THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE LIKE THIS SHIT?"

    Choronzon: I am Anti-Life, the Beast of Judgment. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, gods, worlds… of everything. Sss. And what will you be then, Dreamlord?

    Morpheus: I am hope.

    -Neil Gaiman’s Sandman Vol. 2 Issue 4