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Due to some unfortunate circumstances very briefly described at https://abdlstoryforum.info/forum/ge...833#post117833 Clawdia needs help.

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    Tested

    There was a knock on the door. Jessica stood up, and looked at her clock. She sighed angrily.

    "You're seven minutes late," she said loudly.

    "I'm sorry, there was traffic getting here, and..." Mary, her house keeper said.

    "I don't care. I said wake me for 7:00, not 7:07. Every moment you're late is more time I need to rush. If I'm late for work, we could lose thousands of dollars, and you can guess what the first expense I'd scrap is."

    "I... yes ma'am, sorry ma'am. It won't happen again."

    Jessica looked at her house keeper. A foot shorter then Jessica, with long brown hair, thickly built and frumpy... Jessica almost felt sorry for her. Almost. "It better not," the taller, younger blond said.

    "You could get an alarm clock..." the woman said.

    Jessica rounded on her. "Excuse me? I run portfolios for a billion dollar company. I have thousands of numbers to keep track of, a hundred rules to know, and dozens of patterns to watch each day. You think I have time to remember to set a clock? You think I worked daily for all those years so I can set alarm clocks? That's why I have you, who doesn't keep track of a thousand numbers, who didn't work hard to get to where I am, and who doesn't have to worry about a billion dollar company, to do it for me. Be thankful the positions aren't switched. Now go make breakfast, I'll be down soon." She walked away and into her bathroom. She didn't have time to hear the reply, nor did she care. She turned on the taps and showered quickly, then got dressed in her most severe black dress. Today was a day to impress.
    She made it down the stairs to her kitchen and ate the eggs Mary had prepared without looking at her. As she was leaving her home, her phone buzzed.
    She looked at it. There was a message from Kevin, a lower level employee who served as her chauffeur.

    "There was traffic, and I was unable to get onto your street. Please meet me at the path by Morrin St."

    She groaned to herself. It wasn't that far of a walk, but it was another annoyance in an already annoying day.

    She walked across her street and onto the path on the other side. It wound through a small wood and cut into the next suburb.

    She was walking down the path and muttering to herself when her foot hit something.

    "GOD DAMN IT!" she shouted. She hoped she didn't wreck her shoes. She looked down, and stopped.

    It was a lamp. A small, metal lamp, the kind from Aladdin movies.

    She didn't have time to wonder why it was there. She was angry, and it was an object she could focus her anger on. She picked it up and threw it as hard as she could into the bushes. Smiling proudly to herself, she kept walking.

    "Ummmm excuse me, that was rude," a voice said.

    She turned around quickly. The path had been empty a moment ago. She looked up to see a tall, red skinned man hovering above the ground with his arms folded.

    "Who the hell are you?" she said. "What kind of trick is this? Is this a joke?"

    "This is no trick. I'm Yasafar, the red genie, and I will not have my profession called a joke."

    She rolled her eyes. "Riiiiggghht. Look, I don't have time for this." She turned to walk away.

    To her surprise, the man reappeared in front of her. "How about no. That's not how this works. You threw my house against a tree, you woke me up, you insulted me, you don't get to just walk away."

    "Uh huh," she said. She ignored him and tried to walk past him.

    Suddenly a light appeared in front of her. She stooped and was temporary blinded by it. The light dimmed, and she saw she was surrounded by a faint blue haze. She reached out into it, and saw it formed a solid wall. She looked around herself, and realized she was in a sealed dome. She turned to face the red man.

    "What is this?" she demanded.

    "Its a force field. We are now outside your time and world."

    "Ohh bullshit."

    "Hey! Don't say that about my work. You have no idea how long it takes to learn this."

    She rolled her eyes again. "Whatever. Just let me out, I have actual work to do."

    "I don't think so. You kicked my house, and I cannot return until I fulfill my duties."

    "Whatever. So I guess I get whatever I want, right? I want unlimited wishes."

    "Har har. That doesn't actually work."

    "Oh, you're not powerful enough? You can't give me all I want?"

    His eyes went wide. "Seems to me you're just too much of a spoiled brat."

    "Yeah whatever. I work for what I want. Unlike you, I don't spend my days sleeping, pop out once in a while for a light show, then go back. I struggled, now I have what I want, and if I want unlimited wishes, I'll get it."

    "Uh huh. Is that what you think?" he closed his eyes. "Lets see... Jessica," she gasped that he knew her name. "Works in her fathers company. Got the job without even getting a degree. My my... relies on a house keeper and a chauffeur, lives in a house bought with her daddies money... Seems your a privileged little brat living off her daddy who'd never make it in the real world."

    "Excuse me? I didn't get a degree because I didn't need one. I know how to do my job better then anyone. I made it on my own."

    "You made it because of your parents. Your house keeper works harder then you, is older and knows more. She just wasn't born rich. If you came from the same circumstance, she'd be doing better."

    Jessica was dumbfounded. The housekeeper, who couldn't even arrive on time, doing her job better? "You don't know what your talking about."

    "Of course I do, silly. I'm a genie, route word of genius. I know everything."

    "Right. Well, you don't know me. I could make it in any circumstance."

    His eyes twinkled like he had won a game. "Oh really? Any circumstance?"

    She paused. Something about his voice made her feel nervous, but she refused to admit defeat. "ANY circumstance. I could make it anywhere, on my own, with nothing but my own skills.

    "Then lets make a bet, shall we. I'll put you in a different world where no one knows where you are. You get to start from scratch. If you succeed, I'll transport you back here and give you your unlimited wishes. No time would have passed, nothing would have changed, but you're all powerful.

    She considered the offer. It was tempting, but she couldn't let him know that if she wanted to bargain, and she definitly couldn't hand him a blank slate. "And if I lose? What happens then?"

    "Oh, not much. Same thing, you come back here, no time passed, but you don't get your wishes. Oh, one more thing."

    "Uh huh?" here it comes, the catch, she thought.

    "I get to make one small change to your life."

    "What kind of change?" She knew better then to accept that. It could be anything.

    He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, depends on the manner of your failure."

    "Riiiigght. So I'm supposed to agree to that, not knowing what you'll do? Fat chance."

    "Oh, so you're afraid you'll fail? What happened to being soooo talented and sooo smart that you'll make it anywhere?"

    She gritted her teeth. "That doesn't mean I'll fall for a trick like that."

    He shook his head. "No trick, just what I said." He leaned in closer to her. "Think about it. Unlimited wishes, unlimited power, all you want, and all you have to do is the one thing you said you could do anywhere- make it on your own in a new city. Didn't you say it would be easy, or are you admitting you were lying to yourself?"
    She glared at him. This was so stupid, she thought. But... unlimited wishes. How hard could it be, anyway? She had made it already, she just had to do it again.
    "Fine. Do it. What are the criteria for success?"

    "You'll be tested on everything, from your wits to your work ethic and your basic skills. Succeeding in any of them will count as a pass. Failing them all will lose you the bet."

    "Fine. Do it."

    He laughed. "You are soooo manipulable, you know that? I just love having fun with people like you in different worlds, you should have seen this one girl Crabula, she... anyway, I'm ranting. The world is ready. Have fun!"

    There was another bright light, and Jessica covered her eyes. Air rushed around her, and she felt herself spinning. SHe began to panic. Was this a trick? What was this? She began to scream as she felt herself falling through the air, faster and faster.

    Suddenly she realized it had stopped. The light coming through her finger tips was normal, and there was no air rushing around her. She had been screaming for nothing.

    She uncovered her eyes and looked around. There were a few people staring at her. She blushed and began to walk quickly as if nothing had happened.
    She was in a city. She knew that, but she didn't know which one. There were tall buildings on either side of her, and the side walks were crowded with people. It could easily have been any city she had been to, and the weather and foliage of the trees made it seem like late summer or fall. In that way, at least, this 'different world' seemed to be the same.

    However, she knew that couldn't be the case. It was too easy. There had to be some differences here.

    She began to make mental checklists.

    What did she have?

    She had her clothes. They had changed, she realized, to a more casual pair of jeans and t shirt, the kind of thing she wore on weekends. Fitting, she decided, since she technically didn't have a place to work yet. She had her wallet and credit cards... except they wouldn't work if it was a different world. She had her ID... which probably would come up as fake.

    She stopped. "Huh," she said. She hadn't really considered what she was getting into.

    She started walking again. No matter, she'd find a way. She began to make a list of tasks. Find out what the differences were in the new world, learn about it, get a job, get an apartment... She thought again. Get food, get water.... There was a lot to do very quickly.

    She noticed something. "Ah, a leg up," she thought.

    It was a pair of girls, both slightly younger then her but still adults, and wearing the same uniform. It appeared to be a waitress outfit, with a dark, tight shirt above a short skirt and long stockings.

    She didn't recognize the restaurant, but that didn't matter. She was a master of one of the most valuable skills a person could have finding a job- the gift of gab, or how to talk your way into anything. She followed them from a short distance. Find out a bit about them, perhaps where they are going, make friends, and use them to help get a job. Waitressing wasn't her first choice- it was far beneath her, in fact- but it was something. Pay the bills, get some clothes, get some references... in a few weeks, she could be managing at the restaurant, then using that to find work elsewhere. Their job would be her stepping stone.

    She followed and watched them closely, studying them. Something about them was odd. It was their skirts, they seemed to collect strangely around their hips.
    She stared at it. It seemed like there was something underneath it. She also noticed their walk- she had been trained to notice such things- which was odd, slightly waddled like a...

    She did a double take. Like a toddler, she thought, or someone wearing diapers. She looked closer. The skirts were short and flounced as they walked. There was a distinct line of white underneath them. Whats more, the girls- she couldn't think of them as anything else after noticing, despite their being only a few years younger then herself- didn't seem to mind at all, and just kept walking like it was the most normal thing in the world.

    Surely she must be mistaken. There is no way someone their age could... could they? It was a new world.

    She turned away. Frankly, she didn't want to know the answer, and if they were part of some weird group... there were things she'd do for money, that wasn't one of them.

    Suddenly she realized the girls had stopped. They had turned and staring at her. Had they noticed she was following them?

    She ran into a nearby door without checking what it was.

    "Hello there! Would you like to try our new cold coffee?"

    She looked at the origin of the voice to see a short, fat and bearded man standing behind a counter. She was in a cafe. It had dark walls covered with paintings, and the smell of caffeine hung heavily in the air.

    "Oh, no thank you, I just..."

    "Oh come on!" he said, smiling, "surely you need something to keep you going. The mornings were made for coffee and the afternoons were made for wine, I always say. Come on, I assure you its good."

    She didn't want it, but he was insistent and she couldn't think of an excuse to be there. He handed her a cup, and she took a sip. It was sweet, sugary, but strong.

    "Its good!" she said.

    "Yep! That's our new blend. Why don't you take a seat and enjoy it?"

    "Ummm, alright," she said, and sat down at a table.

    She looked around the cafe. It wasn't bad. She could work here, she thought. She looked at the coffee. She might have to, given she had no money to pay for the coffee.

    She began to watch the people around her. It was a good way to learn about her new environment, she figured.

    There was a couple at a table across from here. There was a man about her age, black haired, tall and muscular, next to a younger and smaller brunette. They were both flirting openly, whispering into each others ears and cuddling around the edges of their table.

    She smirked. One thing to know, the new world seemed to have a liberal view on homosexuality, and flirting in public. What else could that say about the society? Perhaps open about other things too? She made a mental note of it.

    While she was watching, the black haired of the two stopped moving. He seemed to sniff the air. The younger looked at him in confusion. The older pushed the other forward slightly and reached down to his belt line.

    Suddenly the brunette's eyes went wide. He looked at the other, then around the cafe as the other stared at him, seeming disappointed.

    The brunette bent down under the table. He picked up a bag and began ruffling through it. He looked panicked. He went through the bag again, then dumped the contents on the table. The black haired one rolled his eyes and sighed as the younger searched through a pile of books and pencils as if looking for something. Finally he gave up and looked pleadingly at the older.

    The black haired man reached down slowly, picked up his own bag, reached into it and took something out.

    Jessica had to stifled a gasp. She had through earlier, but it was pretty clear now. The black haired man was holding a large adult diaper, and handed it to the brunette. Defeated, the brunnette grabbed it, and waddled slowly away from the table and toward a bathroom door.

    He knocked on the door, and a grunt inside replied. He paused, shuffling from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable. He looked back at his boyfriend sadly. He went back to shuffling. He moaned, and looked at his boyfriend again, his eyes begging for help.

    His boyfriend sighed, stood up, and walked over. Once there, he grabbed hold of the younger's belt. The brunette shook his head with wide eyes, but did nothing as the older undid his belt and pulled down his pants. The brunette was now standing with a clearly visible, and clearly messy, diaper. The older turned him around, peared at the back, and waved his hand in front of his face teasingly. He then took his boyfriend by the wrist, waggled a finger under his nose, and pulled him toward a second bathroom to the side. Jessica noticed the sign on the door- it showed no gender, just had pictures of characters- one small, one medium sized, and one larger, all in diapers. The diapered boy, looking completely defeated, followed is boyfriend into it.

    Jessica stared in shock. What was all the more odd about seeing a twenty something year old man in a used diaper was the fact that no one in the cafe seemed to mind. In fact, they seemed prepared for it, even having a bathroom just for it.

    She needed air. She needed it fast. She got up, and walked toward the door.

    "Hey, you have to pay for that!" the barista called after her, but she ignored him.

    She was in the open air and walking quickly. What was this world she was in? Some kind of kinkster's paradise? A world where everyone was incontinent?

    She looked at the people she passed. She began to noticed more and more strange things. Crinkling sounds, thick padding underneath pants and skirts, she noticed a group of girls socializing, and one casually hand a diaper to another. The padding seemed to vary in thickness, and in times when the plastic was visible around the edges of their pants and skirts, she noticed some with patterns on them, and others that were white.

    So diapered were a lot more common here, and for different age groups, she determined.

    Not everyone was diapered. Most teens or younger she passed were, with few exceptions. The majority of young adults were as well, though less so then the teens. The cut off seemed to roughly the mid twenties. There were one or two older then that who appeared to be diapered, but they were in the minority, and seemed very shy.

    She noticed other things as well. The window of a restaurant showed a woman in a high chair, being fed by another girl her own age. Another time she saw a man, she couldn't tell how old but he was fairly big, being bare bottom spanked, with tears running down his face. The woman seemed mortified, however, and no one else her age seemed to be in it, while man was clearly blushing, so she determined these must be exceptions to the rules. Still, there were many people with childish thing who seemed to be far to old for them- some in strollers, others with toys, or wearing onesies, one or two pacifiers... the list went on.

    She remembered the genie saying she'd be tested on everything, even 'basic skills.' He couldn't mean... that... could he? She shuddered at the thought

    She steeled herself. So what? It just be one more test to pass, and an easy one at that. Its not like SHE was incontinent.

    Or did they have different rules here? She'd have to find out.

    Her stomach grumbled. She'd have to find out soon, she realized. Those eggs and coffee were not sitting well.

    She passed by what looked like a gigantic mall. It was three stories, and had banners and displays for stores all along the outside. She decided it was the perfect place to look for a job, and she may as well do it while trying to find out the strange laws.

    She entered the mall. It really was huge. She walked passed store after store, gawking at the size. Whatever world this was, they loved their shopping.

    Most of the stores seemed fairly in line with what she was used to. She even recognized a few logos, but none of the names.

    Her stomach grumbled again, and she felt a weight in her bladder. It was getting too hard to ignore. She realized she had been putting it off, dreading to find out what the laws of this bizarre land were, but she needed to find out.

    She found a large department store that had bathrooms. Like the coffee shop, there were three of them. One was male, one was female, and the other had three images of people in diapers, ranging in size from baby to adult.

    She walked to the female bathroom and tried to turn the nob, but it wouldn't budge.

    She tsked. Locked. She walked up to the help counter and waited in line.

    The pressure was building. She considered just walking to the front of the line, but she didn't want to stand out until she knew what was going on.
    Finally she reached the front.

    "Hi, how can I help you?" a stocky, middle aged woman said.

    "Hi, can I get the bathroom key?" Jessica asked.

    "Of course," the woman said. "Just let me see your proof of toilet proficiency."

    Jessica stared at her. "What?"

    The woman laughed. "Oh, don't worry, I don't mean to embarrass you. I know most girls your age have passed their tests. However, there are a few stragglers, so we have to check. Do you have your proof?"

    "I don't... uhhhh..." this would normally be the time where Jessica would come up with a lie, say it was at home or lost, just as she did when she used to drink underage. However, the absurdity of the question caught her off guard.

    "You don't have it?! WHen did you complete the tests?"

    "Tests?"

    "When did you complete your proficiency tests?"

    "I... didn't."

    The woman's eyes went wide. "OH! My mistake, sorry to embarrass you." She spoke in a soothing tone that bordered on condescending. "I must have gotten confused by how you asked. Don't worry, and sorry for what I said earlier, I know some people still have troubles at your age. Nothing to be worried about, it comes to some a bit later. Do you need a diaper change?"

    "No! I don't need a diaper."

    "What?" The woman looked over the desk. "Where is your diaper?"

    "I don't need a f--ingg diaper just give me the f--ing key!"

    The woman gasped. "How dare you speak to me that way! I'll bet you haven't even passed your full language tests. I'm going to give you three seconds, and I'd better see something- your id card, paperwork, a signed note, anything- that says your are qualified to use the toilet, or I better see a diaper on your butt. If I don't get it, you're going to be in a world of trouble."

    "I don't have stupid paperwork and I don't need diapers! I'm an adult you idiot!"

    "Right, that's it." She hit a button under her desk.

    Almost instantly a large, muscular man in a uniform appeared behind Jessica.

    "Right, what seems to be the trouble?"

    "This GIRL has not passed her potty training tests, is not diapered, tried to lie her way into getting a bathroom key, then threw a tantrum, swore and insulted me."

    "YOu f--ing b--h!"

    The guard seized her by the wrist. "Do you have your toilet proficiency tests?" He asked.

    "Uhhh..." she tried to think of a lie.

    "You better not lie to me. You know I can check."

    "I... don't."

    He reached down to her belt.

    "Hey!" she said, trying to stop him. However, he grabbed her and turned her around, then pinned both her hands to her stomach with one of his, and used his other
    on her belt. She squirmed, embarrassed at how easily he manhandled her.

    She looked around for help, but no one seemed to mind. A few watched, some laughing, some even seeming lecherous, but no one reacted as if there was anything wrong with what was going on.

    The guard undid her belt and pulled down her pants. There were a few chuckles from the audience. She stared. Her underwear, as it turned out, were a lacy pair of panties with a cartoon picture of the genie on them. Some kind of sick joke, she decided.

    "Where is your diaper?" the guard asked.

    "I don't have one," she said.

    "NO paperwork and inappropriate underwear. Tell me, do you have your exemption from corporal discipline? Don't lie now, or it will be much worse.

    Her eyes went wide. "No..."

    "Alright then," he said, and picked her up.

    In a flash she was turned over, and she landed on his raised knee with a squeel.

    "No," she said, barely having time to process what was going on before his first spank landed on her upturned backside.

    SMACK SMACK SMACK! He rained blows down on her as she squirmed and cried out. She couldn't believe how strong he was, or how vicious he was with the
    spanking. He was clearly used to doing it.

    She tried to hold onto her dignity as best she could, but the pain was growing. Her protests turned to pleas, and her angry shouting turned into loud cries. Soon she was bawling her eyes out, getting spanked as people watched. She could not believe it, and didn't know what was worse- the pain, or the indignity of the entire situation.

    Finally, he stooped, and stood her on the ground. He waggled his finger under her nose like she was a child. "Now, you are possibly the oldest I've ever had to spank, but then again, you'll likely be one of the oldest I've seen diapered too." She gulped at the though and fought back arguments. "Now, I'm going to take you to the help desk to get you diapered, and we are going to leave your pants down so your red bottom can serve as a warning to others. After that we can get you to the station to sort this out and get you where you are supposed to be, alright?

    She nodded through tears. She couldn't help but sniffle, and tried to ignore the snickers and giggles behind her.

    The guard turned her by the shoulders and spanked her still red bottom. "EEP!" she shouted, not expecting another spank, and walked forward.

    At the edge of the store she paused, and he spanked her again. She jumped. She realized he was planning on using spanks to direct her through the mall.
    He spanked her again. Worse still, the pressure in her bladder had been building. Being bent over his knee had made it critical, and each spank made it worse. She realized soon she might have to argue against being put in diapers while proving she needed them.

    Another spank. She turned. "STOP!" she said angrily.

    "Are you arguing with me?" He grabbed her shoulder and delivered a burst of hard smacks to her bottom, making her squeal and dance on the spot.

    "I'm sorry!" She said. "P Lease! I really need to go to the bathroom."

    "You'll be diapered shortly."

    "No! Now! The bathrooms right there!" She pointed to a set of doors.

    "No? Are you arguing again AND trying to lie your way into toilets?"

    He held her again and delivered more smacks. She screamed.

    It was too much. The pressure, the waiting, and now the smacks... she felt her bladder release.

    "Nooo..." she whined as she wet herself.

    The guard backed away. "Well well," he said, "and you were trying to argue against diapers?"

    "But... but... you made me do it! You wouldn't let me use the bathroom!" She whined as the puddle grew beneath her. She knew it wasn't the right thing to say, but
    an audience had gathered round to watch her shame, and she wanted to do anything she could to divert the blame.

    He shook his head. "I can see why you never made it through the tests. Mature women don't try to blame others for their mistakes. Also, we have told you several times now the bathroom is off limits. I suppose it isn't your fault you are a slow learner, but you could have at least been responsible enough to keep your diaper on. We may need to speak to your caretaker."

    "I'm not a... I don't have a...." she knew it was useless to argue.

    He shook his head again and tsked. "Barely able to form sentences. We may need to test your language too. Come on," he grabbed her shoulder "the staff will clean up your mess, and we better get you diapered before you leave something worse for them. Really, you are the age of a woman, but really you seem more like a little girl. We will need to test you to see."

    She cried louder at that comment. What did it even mean, 'seem like girl?" Was that something she could be designated? What were the tests? She dreaded to find out what restrictions they could put on her. It was all so fast. It had only been a few hours, she knew, and she had gone from a wealthy, successful capitalist, feared and respected, master of her world, to a little girl, being lead sobbing through a mall with a spanked red bottom on display and wet pants dribbling, to be diapered in this strange world she didn't understand at all. Why had she taken that bet?

    -Will be continued soon, comments or critiques are appreciated
    I was so much older then, I'm younger then that now.

    #2
    Since nobody seems to want to type out some commentary, I guess I'll go ahead and offer some of my own. It's been too long since I read this to remember any potential grammar mistakes, so you'll have to settle for commentary/critiques on the narrative aspects rather than the mechanical aspects this time. I don't remember there being much to harp on in the spelling/grammar department in the first place, anyway.

    So, first off, props to you for coming up with an idea I've never seen before. This premise is really quite unique, all things considered. It touches on many rather well known tropes, but the combination of them present in this story is like nothing I've ever seen before. But in my opinion, the most interesting thing you've done with the tropes I've seen so far is turn the genie unlimited wishes not allowed clause on its head. The fact that the genies can in fact grant that, but they just don't want to deal with the hassle is not only inherently interesting to think about, but also much more likely than the standard assumption that they can't do it. Also, another thing worth pointing out is that you took the spoiled rich kid thing to quite the extreme. I've quite literally never seen it go this far before. As in, you took it so far that you made a grown adult perpetually sound like a little kid who learned a few dirty words.

    That brings me to my next thing to talk about. So, first off, the maid girly at the start being objectively more qualified to to work in general was really satisfying to hear from the genie. Why? Because the main... "protagonist"... is so unlikable that no one can be faulted for wanting her to fail at this point. This is actually a good thing as far as I'm concerned - first off, it's deliberate, second off, not a whole lot of stories will go out of their way to present an unlikable MC, and third, in this fetish in particularly, I often find myself feeling bad for rooting against the MCs of stories because they don't necessarily deserve what I want to happen to them, but this problem is rather conveniently absent from stories where the main lead is this unlikable. They deserve everything "bad" they have coming to them...

    So because of all this, I'm personally torn on what I want to happen over the course of this story. Part of me wants her to fail completely at every test, not just so we can see what the "mystery" change the genie will make to her life, but also because she genuinely deserves it as is right now, and another part of me wants her to learn her lesson, grow as a character, and eventually pass a test (iirc she only needs to pass one for unlimited wishes, right?). I'd be fine with either outcome, personally, but either way, this story has piqued my interest and I eagerly look forward to more!

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by XenonVoid View Post
      Since nobody seems to want to type out some commentary, I guess I'll go ahead and offer some of my own. It's been too long since I read this to remember any potential grammar mistakes, so you'll have to settle for commentary/critiques on the narrative aspects rather than the mechanical aspects this time. I don't remember there being much to harp on in the spelling/grammar department in the first place, anyway.

      So, first off, props to you for coming up with an idea I've never seen before. This premise is really quite unique, all things considered. It touches on many rather well known tropes, but the combination of them present in this story is like nothing I've ever seen before. But in my opinion, the most interesting thing you've done with the tropes I've seen so far is turn the genie unlimited wishes not allowed clause on its head. The fact that the genies can in fact grant that, but they just don't want to deal with the hassle is not only inherently interesting to think about, but also much more likely than the standard assumption that they can't do it. Also, another thing worth pointing out is that you took the spoiled rich kid thing to quite the extreme. I've quite literally never seen it go this far before. As in, you took it so far that you made a grown adult perpetually sound like a little kid who learned a few dirty words.

      That brings me to my next thing to talk about. So, first off, the maid girly at the start being objectively more qualified to to work in general was really satisfying to hear from the genie. Why? Because the main... "protagonist"... is so unlikable that no one can be faulted for wanting her to fail at this point. This is actually a good thing as far as I'm concerned - first off, it's deliberate, second off, not a whole lot of stories will go out of their way to present an unlikable MC, and third, in this fetish in particularly, I often find myself feeling bad for rooting against the MCs of stories because they don't necessarily deserve what I want to happen to them, but this problem is rather conveniently absent from stories where the main lead is this unlikable. They deserve everything "bad" they have coming to them...

      So because of all this, I'm personally torn on what I want to happen over the course of this story. Part of me wants her to fail completely at every test, not just so we can see what the "mystery" change the genie will make to her life, but also because she genuinely deserves it as is right now, and another part of me wants her to learn her lesson, grow as a character, and eventually pass a test (iirc she only needs to pass one for unlimited wishes, right?). I'd be fine with either outcome, personally, but either way, this story has piqued my interest and I eagerly look forward to more!
      Thanks a lot for the feedback
      That is fine about grammar. I tend to make a few mistakes but sometimes I can get them in re-writes not to worried.
      I appreciate what you said about originality. And yes, the genie is kind of a dick. He shows up in a few of my stories and always pulls stuff like this. He certainly CAN do a lot, he just doesn't WANT to.
      You might be right about taking her personality too far. I wanted to show demonstrate it clearly without spending too much time getting the story going, I guess it doesn't always work out. Perhaps she was just extra annoyed that day?
      I've always felt the same about likable protagonists in rough positions. I've always preferred stories like this, especially ones that focus on the 'punishment' aspect of the kink, having at least some clear flaws. Aside from avoiding mary sues, it makes what happens more of a comeuppance and allows for character development as a result of the situations. Also, I find it more interesting if those situations are easily avoidable but occur due to the character's personality flaws. As for the maid, a large part of the point is that while the protagonist effectively had everything handed to her, the maid had to work for what little she has. The genie is manipulating a chip on her shoulder, as she likes to tell herself her wealth is due to her own efforts, but knows people will claim otherwise. It clearly works.
      And yes, as per the agreement, she only needs to prove she can succeed in one manner. Since this is broad, technically even proving she can be potty trained counts as success. However, the genie is the one setting the standards, and he isn't exactly an unbiased judge. As for wondering whether we will see the change in her life or see her develop, isn't both also an option? You'll have to read to see
      I was so much older then, I'm younger then that now.

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        #4
        I like this story more please??

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