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Breaking the Girl: A Novel

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    [Complete] Breaking the Girl: A Novel

    Chapter One

    I sat at the bar, quietly surveying the crowd. It was a good crowd for a Saturday, I just had to find the right girl. This was the perfect part of town to find my type. Smart, willful, playful, with a high pressure job. Those were the ones who needed to let go the most. The past couple of weeks of hunting had been frustrating. Things with Lauren hadn't gone the way I planned. I really thought she was going to be the one, she ticked all the right boxes and she was a joy to be around. She had balked at the last minute, though.. and she dumped me. I don't know which was worse, that or how things had gone with Kailee. Kailee had gone too willingly, it was too easy to move her along... there was no challenge, no thrill. Kailee had been disappointing. I had gotten what I thought I wanted, but I had to cut her out of my life after I had it. It hadn't been easy to admit, but she hadn't been right for me. I needed more from my partner.

    I scanned the girls.. too loose, too messy, too cold. I would know her when I found her, I knew my type. She would look oh-so-serious with some very adult and mature fashion, but there would be a tell. Lauren's had been a peek of Hello Kitty panties. The ones under the most pressure to succeed were always the ones who wanted someone else to take over. Life was too hard for them, they needed to be "on" all the time at work, had to do a better job than the boys, had to be perfect. That was just part of life in Silicon Valley. By the time I came along, they were so happy to hand over control.

    Finally, she caught my eye. A boho girl, that style was getting popular. Multiple bracelets, dangly earrings, earth tone makeup, chunky sandals.. she had a good figure, you could tell she worked out. She had a smile that lit up her eyes, someone had just told her a funny joke. Ah, but the tell. The tell was her purse. She couldn't help it, she needed something cute.. her purse was shaped like a squirrel - she had what was essentially a stuffed animal on her at all times. This is how I knew she wanted the loss of control I needed to give. I had to have her.

    The latest K.Flay blared overhead, conversation was impossible.. so I'd have to do this with a look. I leaned back, my hair brushing the bartop and I watched her. Humans could feel when someone was watching them with intent, this wouldn't take long. Her eyes found mine, and I smiled. I had a million smiles, every one practiced carefully. This smile said, "I like your style, and I'm pretty sure you like mine." She looked down into her drink and blushed. That was all the invitation I needed. If I had read her wrong, she would have reacted with fear or hostility, not with embarrassment. She wanted to be noticed. I waited for her to glance up again and I tilted my head. This smile said, "I'm nice and I'd like to talk to you." You could say so much with just a look if you knew how.

    I turned slowly as she moved closer, drawn by my wordless communication. I signaled the barkeep. I order a Guinness for myself and an Apple Bomb for her. We'd see if my read was spot on or not. When she slides up next to me, I don't make eye contact. I just turn slightly so she can see the smile on the corner of my mouth.

    "You looked thirsty," I measured my voice.. it was hard to do under the dirty bass of K.Flay, but I was practiced. My voice was low, resonant, but playful. I turned slowly to face her as the barkeep set down our drinks. With a fluid motion, I picked up the Guinness and took a draw, but didn't touch hers. "Ever tried an Apple Bomb?" My guess was that she hadn't, it wasn't a very popular drink even though it was from this area. But big girls who were hiding little girls inside... they liked it.

    "No, I haven't... thanks. I'm Dani," she slid up next to me and took the untouched drink and sipped it. "Wow, this is really good. Thanks again."

    "Vanessa," I smiled, turning toward her fully and sweeping a strand of hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear. I tapped my own dangling earring on the way down, causing it to glint at Dani. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Dani." I had to play this part carefully. Too strong and she'd bolt, too weak and she'd ignore the hook. "It's so good to just relax with some music, away from the pressures of the office." Nailed it. Her right hand tensed as I said it, she had some stress getting to her.

    "Ugh, it really is," she said, letting her weight rest more fully on the barstool. "What do you do?"

    "I'm a consultant. Systems analysis," I smiled warmly - this smile said, 'I have a tough job, too'. My job was to find the weak points in an organization, and destroy them. And I was very good at what I did, reading people is what made me so good. "What about you?"

    "Herding cats," Dani grimaced.

    "Project management then," my smile projecting 'I feel your pain', "I've been there."

    "How did you know?" she laughed lightly, musically, the blue light of the bar dancing across her green eyes. Oh, how I wanted her.

    "Lucky guess," I finished the Guinness and paid the tab. The hook was set, I couldn't linger. "I've got to go, it was really nice meeting you, Dani. I thought I was up to this, but I'm still busted up about my girlfriend dumping me. Maybe I'll see you around?"

    Her eyes flashed a twinge of disappointment. Perfect.

    "Yeah.. it was nice to meet you, Vanessa. Thanks for introducing me to this drink, I like it."

    "I'm glad - have a great night."

    I stepped through the front door of the bar, pausing to look back at her. She was watching me go. I gave her a smile that said, "I really wish I didn't have to go now." She gave the smallest wave in return.

    I exited into the crowd of Castro Street, the heart of downtown Mountain View.. but I didn't go far. No, I had just ruined Dani's night. She wouldn't be staying much longer. She would suddenly want to go home... if I was right.

    It took her about ninety seconds longer than I expected. She slipped out the front door alone and started walking north. I flowed through the crowd, following her. It was a warm night, but not too hot. The bars were full and the people were happy, it was a good night. Dani went straight for her car. Silver Prius, so typical. I leaned on the corner, obscured by a tree.

    "Naughty girl," I said quietly to no one, "You shouldn't drive after having that drink. I'll punish you for that later." I committed her license plate to memory and watched as she drove off. North, then west. I adjusted my purse on my shoulder and started walking home myself. I had some research to do.

    * * *

    I spent two days studying Danielle Peters, learning her habits, her path, her preferences. Every tidbit I learned only solidified the feeling that I had to have her. Her credit card statements laid everything bare to me. Dani was a reader, a painter, a jogger. She went to the same coffee shop in Sunnyvale every day and ordered the same thing - iced chai, the only thing on the menu at her coffee shop that came to the amount that went on her card daily. She had no pets, and according to her social media profile, her last relationship ended roughly. Her name was Elaine, another high-powered type.. they probably drove each other crazy. Too similar. I knew where Dani worked, what gym she went to, what gas station she filled her car at, what grocery store she frequented.. credit cards were beautiful things for an interested party like me.

    I just happened to be at her favorite coffee shop at exactly the same time she visited normally the next day, laying in wait.. sipping a mocha. Dani didn't want someone too similar. Normally on a bright day like this, I'd wear a wide-brimmed hat and a pair of sunglasses.. but I needed Dani to notice me and recognize me, so I suffered through. I thumbed through a magazine, Us Weekly, something Dani wouldn't be interested in. She had no time for gossip. I had positioned myself so she'd see me just as she came out with her chai.

    "Vanessa?" her voice was light, unsure. I looked up and smiled at her 'Oh, I'm so surprised but so very happy to see you here!'

    "Dani! Wow, um hey - I'm sorry I disappeared on you the other night. You seemed really nice... I just... " I trailed off, an invitation for her to step in.

    "It's okay," she said as she stepped closer. I gestured to the chair across from me, inviting her to join me. "I'm really glad I ran into you... that drink was amazing." She covered. She was interested, she took the bait. Now I just needed to coax her in.

    "I had a feeling you'd like it, you just seemed like an apple sort of girl.. sweet," she blushed.. I was coming on a little too strong, I had to play it just a bit shier. "I.. I was kicking myself all night that I didn't ask for your number. You seemed so nice.. just this energy about you.. " I looked down, feigning embarrassment, "It's stupid." I pushed my chair back and started to stand. She reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. She was trembling ever so slightly.. the hair on her arm was raised.

    "No, Vanessa.. I was wishing the same thing," the last word rang flat. A lie. She hadn't been thinking the same thing, but she wanted me to think she had been that interested.. she was ready to take a risk. Blushing on command wasn't easy, but I did it nonetheless.

    "I uh, here.. " I fished a business card out of my purse and scribbled one of my cell numbers on it. I slid it across the table to her, I had to appear reluctant to touch her back. The weakness would draw her in. "Would you.. like to get dinner sometime? I know this Chinese dumpling place that I haven't been to in a while.. " I knew she liked the place, she'd left a positive Yelp review for it, she hadn't been there in eight months.

    "That sounds really nice.. how about Friday?"

    "I.. that sounds great," I looked her in the eyes now and my smile read 'I really, really like you but I'm afraid you don't like me the same way'. "I'll text you the place and we can meet there?"

    "How about I pick you up?" Shit. I misread that one, I couldn't be the passenger in her car, it would tip the power dynamic too far in her favor. I was playing too timid. My mind spun for a moment on how to salvage this.

    "Actually, I get carsick if I'm not driving. How about I pick you up instead?"

    "I would like that a lot," her smile read 'I think I'm falling for you already, I need to know more about you'. I needed to feed her a tidbit.

    "I'm really glad you didn't think I was coming on too strong at the club. I really like that song and you looked so beautiful under the lights. Your eyes light up when you laugh.. I knew I had to learn more about you."

    "I'm an open book," she was actually completely open. She was making herself vulnerable, faster than I expected. I hoped this wouldn't turn out to be another Kailee. "What would you like to know?"

    "What's your favorite movie?" I asked - it was a test. If she was a Kailee, she'd tell me something cutesy. I'd break it off right there and resume the hunt anew this weekend, I'd done it often enough. No amount of wanting her was worth making the wrong pick again. If she had a shell for me to crack through... she'd say something serious.

    "It's stupid because nobody likes it, but Stranger Than Fiction - you know, that Will Ferrel movie that wasn't really a comedy?" A drama about a writer. Funny, but not silly. A good answer.

    "Oh, I like that one. His antics usually bother me, but he was really good in that one."

    "Exactly! What about you?" I went similar to her with the last response, I had to give her something mysterious, something to draw her in here.

    "You'll laugh," I said sourly.

    "I won't laugh, I promise."


    "The one about Mozart? Okay, I didn't expect that one. Why?"

    "Tortured artists," I smiled. Just then my phone alarm went off. Two minutes earlier in the conversation than I planned. I had set it up to use a ringtone as the alarm, so it would look like I was getting a call. I slipped my phone out of my purse and held it under the table. "I'm sorry, Dani.. I've got to go. It's work, you know how it is. Text me your number and address.. I'll pick you up on Friday."

    "Sounds great. I'm glad I ran into you, Vanessa."

    "I'm glad you did too," I agreed, "Hello?" I greeted my telephone alarm, silencing it, grabbed my mocha with a little wave to Dani, and walked off.
    Last edited by bbykimmy; 06-25-2018, 04:40:22 PM.
    Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

    Here's a list of my other stories!

    Chapter Two

    My scrambled eggs were almost finished when I heard my phone chirp. A text.. from Seth by the tone. He could wait. To get perfect scrambled eggs, you couldn't stop folding them at this point. After only a minute or two more I slid the eggs from the pan to a plate and dropped the pan in the sink. I picked up my phone as I headed to the living room of my apartment, fork and plate in hand.

    SETH (15 minutes ago): I haven't heard from you in a while, I'm assuming you have Lauren in diapers by now. Jess is driving me crazy tonight, call me. She needs a playdate. BADLY.

    SETH (10 minutes ago): Vanessa, you always have your phone glued to your hand, what's the deal?

    SETH (2 minutes ago): I'm going to video call you in a few. If you don't want me to, say so now.

    Dammit. I started tapping one-handed at the screen. I had been distracted on my walk home, I hadn't even heard the previous messages.

    No. I'm not in the mood for _

    Then my TV lit up, with Seth on his couch staring at me from the screen, I had forgotten it was still set to auto answer his calls. He was in his work clothes, a black button-up shirt with a mandarin collar and black slacks. Even his socks were black, at least he had ditched his shoes or I would have thought this was a business meeting. I rolled my eyes a bit. He was the consummate professional with his gelled brown hair, the one curl hanging down over his forehead just above his cold blue eyes, his goatee trimmed just so, sitting straight with an ankle crossed over his knee.

    "Vanessa," he smiled an irritated smile at my empty couch, I hadn't stepped into view of the camera yet, "Where in the world are you?"

    "I'm here," I said as I took a bite of my eggs, tossing my phone onto an empty cushion. I sat down, crossing my legs and resting my heels on the glass coffee table. I had planned on savoring my interactions with Dani as I ate, not talking to Seth. He was right though, I had been neglecting him and he was my best friend. "Sorry I haven't been around, things ended up not working out with Lauren. I moved too fast, she bolted."

    "What?" came a shrill cry from somewhere behind Seth and Jess ran into view. Her blonde curls bounced, her face was scrunched up, upset. She flopped down on the couch, her legs spread wide, her obviously wet pink diaper on full display, completely unhidden by the white and pink-ruffled t-shirt that declared her Daddy's Princess. "No no no! You promised me a playdate, Nessa! You promised!"

    "Seth," I said simply with a frown, I wasn't in the mood to have my failure rubbed in my face by his Little. I was not pleased that Lauren was gone, I really thought she was the keeper. We... meshed. It was nice. I had been just starting to feel like I could really be myself with her, but I scared her away. It was still more satisfying than Kailee had been.

    Seth was almost as good at reading people as I was, he grabbed hold of the ring on Jess' pink leather collar and she was over his lap in a flash. She cried out and kicked her legs as he slapped her on the backs of her thighs, she wouldn't be able to feel a thing through the thick padding he kept her in if he swatted her bottom. Knowing Seth, she had at least one booster in that thick disposable, maybe two. She was sobbing after four smacks, and he laid her down on the couch, her face in his lap. He stroked her hair gently, the punishment over.

    "Shhh, cupcake. The adults are talking, Littles will be silent. What you did was very rude to Vanessa. When I allow you to speak again, I expect you to apologize to her." Her sobs were short lived, her diapered bottom poking up in the air. She knew how to play him just as well as he played her, she knew if she started crying too quickly he'd spank her more.. but crying was the fastest way to get the spanking to end, too. "I'm very sorry to hear about Lauren, you really liked her."

    "I really did," I sighed, Seth was one of the few people I knew I could be completely honest with, "I really, really did, Seth. She was something special."

    "What are the odds of her coming back to you?" Seth continued to stroke his Little's hair, her sobs had stopped but she stayed face down in his lap, she wasn't taking any chances. His handprint was still visible on her exposed thigh. An ember of jealousy burned in my heart. Lauren should have been in my lap just like that, my fingers in her hair... I wanted it so badly.

    "Nil," I frowned, finishing the last bite of my dinner, "She bolted. She's not coming back. We're not all as lucky as you." Jess peeked an eye out at that, she loved hearing things like that... honestly, I said it for her. She was too bratty for my tastes, but that's how they liked it. I had no interest in constantly punishing someone. Seth, on the other hand...

    "I'm sorry, Vanessa. If I had known, I wouldn't have bothered you tonight. You know you can talk to me any time, right? We've been friends for a long time."

    "I know, Seth," I sighed, "I know. I will say this: my hopes are up."

    "Really," Seth intoned as he leaned forward. Jess slipped to the floor at his feet to avoid getting squished. I couldn't see her under their coffee table now, but I knew she'd have her forehead pressed to his toes, just as he taught her. "Tell me about her."

    "Middle management, stressed out... "

    "No no," he interrupted, "Tell me about her."

    "Fit. A hair shorter than me," I started again.

    "Vanessa," he said my name with a touch of venom, his irritation.

    "Sweet," I smiled, he wasn't going to stop until he dragged it out of me, "Hair the color of a moonless night, begging to be up in pigtails. Full, pink lips, a narrow nose. Upturned, cute. Bold but hiding the little girl underneath. A round-shaped face... big, beautiful green eyes. I don't know if she's the one, but I'm certainly drawn to her."

    "How many dates?"

    "First is Friday, I expect it'll take three before she's comfortable."

    "Happy hunting, Vanessa. Dream of your Little-to-be tonight," Seth's smile and his well-wishes were sincere. He was a good friend. "Wish Vanessa luck, cupcake," he purred as he pulled Jess up by her collar. Her already dry face peeked over the edge of the table.

    "I'm sorry I was rude, Nessa. I hope you get the most perfectest babygirl ever," she grinned widely at me, and then whispered, "Because I want a friend."

    The screen went black and I laid back on the couch, my feelings in a bit of a whirl between thoughts of Lauren and daydreams of Dani.

    * * *

    The time until Friday night was painful. I was distracted, I had found a shot of Dani running laps at her gym and I could not stop imagining having her in my lap the way Jess had been sprawled across Seth's. Was my read of her correct? She was a woman-in-charge.. did she have the soft center that I wanted? The need to be cared for, guided, controlled... but the will to resist just a bit? I didn't want a brat like Jess who craved punishment, but I didn't want a sycophant like Kailee who had no opinions of her own. I was in love with an idea, and that made finding real love quite difficult.

    The date was nice. I had to rein in my dominant desires when I picked her up. I wanted so badly to buckle her in myself, to give her a stuffed animal to hold and pop a pacifier in her mouth... but she certainly wasn't ready for that. Dani had decided that a floral dress was the way to go for the date. It was white and faded to a dark blue, covered in dancing petals as it drew closer to the hem that fell below her knees. I couldn't help but wonder what sort of panties she had on under there.. would it be another tell? She clutched her stuffed squirrel-purse to her.

    "I really like that purse," I said, feeling confident in my own port-colored blouse and ankle-length black skirt. I had 4" heels tonight, nothing too extreme but enough to give me a distinct height advantage. I had to be subtle, but I wanted to set the tone right from the start. I was the dominant in this relationship, it was not going to be egalitarian. "It's very cute, it suits you."

    "Really?" she blushed, "My best friend Jenni teases me about.. " she hesitated a split second, a word on the tip of her tongue. Most people wouldn't have picked up on it, "my purse." I couldn't help but smirk. She had named her purse but was afraid to tell me.

    "Something tells me that you like cute things, what's wrong with that?" We cruised along, the local top forty station on the radio. The impulsive part of me said to tune to "Radio Disney" to see how she'd react, but I didn't think we were there yet. "I like it."

    "I can't normally afford to be cute.. thanks," she looked away to hide her blush, staring out the window of the car as we cruised down Central Expressway.

    "Well I want to get to know you, the real you, Dani. Please don't feel like you need to hide anything from me," the irony of the words burned as I said them. It was completely true, but at the same time I was hiding my true desires from her the same way she was used to hiding hers from everyone. It was a cruel world we lived in where no one could afford to truly be themselves.

    * * *

    Dinner was nice and relaxed. It held no surprises for me cuisine-wise, I had done my research. I did get to learn some details that raw data didn't hold. Dani liked sweet things and steered away from the bitter. My green tea order elicited a shudder from her and she got a chai... to which she added an absurd amount of sugar. We spent the meal talking about the stresses of work and our hobbies. I could sense she was holding something back. She told me her favorite fitness routines and I talked about my love of puzzles. Our common interest turned out to be in video games, despite Dani's love of the cute, she still enjoyed a mental challenge and played games when she could.

    She was generally happy with her job and happy in her adulthood, but there was definitely a longing for the cute and carefree buried underneath. After dinner I took her to an ice cream parlor nearby and we each got a bowl - mint chocolate chip for me and cookie dough for her. I made sure she didn't have a chance to pay for anything, not dinner and certainly not the ice cream. I couldn't resist wiping a dab of ice cream from her chin during the dessert, which earned me an intense blush, accompanied with an adorable smile.

    As far as first dates went, I had rarely had one that went better. I was a little sad when I had to drop her off at her place, though I did walk her to her front door.

    "Thanks for everything, Vanessa. I had a really good time," she smiled shyly, glancing down as we stood at the entrance to her apartment. "It's my treat next time." She was already thinking about a second date, perfect.

    "We'll see," I smiled a wry smile, a smile that said 'Not a chance in hell' in the friendliest way possible, "I like treating you. And you like treats. It's win-win." She started to object and I slipped in for a kiss. My heels gave me the extra few inches I needed to get her chin to really tilt up to meet my lips. She was surprised by it, but didn't pull away. This was a risky move, but there was rarely reward without risk. She didn't give herself fully to the kiss, but she didn't withdraw. I kept it short, sweet.. welcoming. When we broke, I took a small step back. "Thank you for a wonderful evening, Dani."

    "You're.. welcome.. " she was a little stunned. I took her hand gently and smiled.

    "I hope to see you again soon. This was very nice." And with that, I excused myself and headed for the car, hoping I hadn't overplayed my hand. I was missing a piece of this puzzle, her reaction didn't fit entirely with my read. I cursed myself for a fool momentarily before driving off into the darkness. Dani had potential.. we could have something real, as long as I didn't drive her away.
    Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

    Here's a list of my other stories!


      Chapter Three

      The hallway felt like it stretched on forever as I walked toward the bedroom. I followed the trail of rose petals to the open door.. the bedroom was lit by a thousand candles, they were everywhere. Candles lined the walls, covered the top of every flat surface, the dresser, the vanity, the end tables flanking the bed, and even the floor.. leaving only a walkway and a large circle around the queen sized bed. The flames danced in their own hypnotic rhythm as my eyes followed the scattered flowers, straight to her naked body. I ached with desire for her. She was spread eagle on the bed, my eyes traced the lines of her body unbidden. From the tips of her painted toes, up her smooth legs. Her thighs were plump and she was completely shaven... she had a bit of a muffin top, and her large breasts hung beautifully on her chest. She was curvy, she was soft, she was mine. Her body may not have been the modern definition of perfect beauty, but she was beautiful to me. Littles came in all shapes and sizes, after all. Her smile was brighter than all the candles combined, and she looked at me with a hunger. Her long blonde hair laid out around her head like a golden halo, the soft natural wave in it was beyond gorgeous. We had been dating for weeks, we had made love, and I had slowly brought out her inner child to play. Tonight was the night. She gazed at me with longing, her eyes tracing my lines from top to bottom just as I followed hers from toe to smile.

      Then she looked down and saw the folded diaper in my hand, the soft purple plastic encasing the fluffy padding, ready for her. This was the night I claimed her, taped her in her padding and made her mine forever.

      "What the fuck, Vanessa? Why the fuck do you think I would let you put me in a diaper? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

      Suddenly she was fully clothed, inexplicably two inches taller than I was, and glaring down at me. The candles spilled over on either side of us and the room was engulfed in flame.

      "You're fucking sick, Vanessa. We're done. Get some help."

      I sank to my knees as she walked out of the burning bedroom and slammed the door, leaving me alone with the fire. The flames slowly crept toward me...

      I woke, bathed in sweat and with tears streaming down my face. A beam of Saturday morning sunshine fell across my face as I sat upright in bed. Just a dream. I looked at the empty spot next to me, her spot. She hadn't moved in, but she may as well have. She had slept here every night for weeks.. I had thought I had her just where I wanted her, I had thought that she was the one. My Little Girl, my Princess Lauren. I wiped a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand and laid back down, clutching my pillow tightly. I laid there for an hour or more, willing myself to go back to sleep, to make the day go away... but sleep didn't come. I was exhausted from the nightmare, but my body wouldn't let me drift off again.

      Eventually, I got up and started my weekend cleaning routine. It was too soon to contact Dani, I had to wait until tomorrow.. I was groggy and grumpy, but all that melted away as my phone buzzed. I leapt for it before the tone could even sound, hoping it was her.

      SETH: How was your date?

      My feet were back on the ground, a sigh heaving from my chest. It was only Seth. But I didn't feel like cleaning any more, so a short text conversation would be a fine distraction.

      Good. She's got a lot of potential, I like her.

      SETH: When's the second date?

      Not sure. But I know what I'll be giving as a gift.

      Seth was delightfully nosy. It was generally more of a help than a hinderance. We'd been friends for a long time, when we discovered we were into the same kink.. it had been pretty incredible. We met at a fetish night for a local club many years ago, ABDL wasn't nearly as popular back then as it seemed to becoming now, the younger crowd seemed more open and accepting than people my own age... unfortunately I was too old for most of them, or they were too young for me. It was probably a little bit of both. There was also the fact that people already in the community didn't offer the kind of challenge I was after. Seth worried that my seeming addiction to the challenge itself would mean I would never be happy, but I hoped he was wrong.

      SETH: Cupcake says hi. She's happy things are going well for you.

      Tell her I want her to have a playmate even more than she does

      SETH: I know that and you know that, but cupcake is too little to think that far ahead.

      I sighed, Seth gave her entirely too much leeway in her thoughtless behavior. Jess didn't even have a job any more, she was a full-time baby for him. She cleaned his apartment and took care of herself during the day, but the minute he got home, she was useless. Well, that wasn't fair.. she provided him joy, but she certainly didn't lift a finger as long as he was around. That wasn't the ideal dynamic for me. Yes, I wanted a woman in diapers, I wanted her to be my baby... but not a helpless infant all the time. I would need the challenge even when she was already my padded princess. I needed someone smart, someone savvy... I didn't want some bimbo like Jess, and that's all Jess wanted to be.

      Another sigh escaped my lips as I laid the phone back down on the bed next to me, willing it to ring. And it chimed... close enough. The chime wasn't Seth's, either. I eagerly tapped the fingerprint sensor to unwrap the digital gift that awaited me.

      DANI: I had a really good time last night. Thanks again for dinner.

      I read and re-read the simple two-sentence message. Honestly, I hated text messaging. It was so hard to pick up subtext without tone, without facial expressions, without body language. That simple message could hide a thousand different meanings underneath it. I needed to see her, but I couldn't push. I had initiated the first date, I had kissed her unbidden... she hadn't rejected it but there was something I was missing, some piece of the puzzle I couldn't see yet and I was shaken from the dream. I wasn't sure if I could take another heartbreak like Lauren. She hadn't been the first to reject me, for sure - but she was the first one since I became my current self, since I discovered my confidence.

      It was my pleas_

      No, too formal. I erased the message and pondered - the missing piece of this puzzle tugged at my brain - did her last girlfriend contact her again? The phone records I had gotten for her were a week old now, and there had been no signs of Elaine - all the signs were there that she was ready for a new relationship, it didn't feel like an old flame situation.

      How's dinner on Wednesday sound? I got you a small something, a gift.

      I stared at the message, frozen. I took a deep breath and trusted my instincts - the best I could do via text messaging. I had to remind myself that I had a minimal investment at this point - only a single date, dinner and a small gift, a relatively small amount of time... fifteen to twenty hours of research and social engineering, if it went south it wouldn't be the end of the world, maybe I could find a sub girl at the club and-

      DANI: Oh you shouldn't have

      I shouldn't have? Why shouldn't I? Was it just the turn of phrase or was there a deeper meaning? Did she really not want me to?

      DANI: How about coffee?

      Shit. That was a red flag. I let out a deep sigh as the phone dropped from my fingers. Coffee instead of dinner was the kiss of death, or rather my kiss had been the kiss of death. Too far, too fast, too Vanessa. I sighed again as the phone buzzed, it was likely some excuse. She was busy, she had to wash her hair, she had a deadline at work, I'd already heard them all. Goddammit, why did I kiss her? Why couldn't I just take it slow? You just never knew, so many people weren't in tune with their own feelings let alone someone else's, some people needed you to go fast, to show them that you were serious. Dani apparently wasn't one. I flopped down on the couch, a sour look on my face as I raised the phone up to read her reason.

      DANI: You surprised me with that kiss, I liked it. You've given me a lot to think about.

      I could only blink. Of all the responses I expected, that was not one.

      Coffee sounds great, when?

      DANI: Wed sounds great

      The reply came immediately - that was easy to read at least, she had to have been looking at her phone, waiting for a response. She was at least a little bit eager.

      DANI: Same place I met you before, 3PM?


      Can't. I'm in Redwood City for work this week. Morning coffee?

      DANI: You want to catch coffee before hitting the 101? That's crazy

      She was right, leaving late would cost me way more time than most people would consider to be worth it. But she was worth it.

      If it's between traffic and not seeing you, I pick traffic.

      Ugh, it was cheesy but it was already sent. It made me sound desperate. I wasn't desperate, but I was definitely interested in her. I hope she could read the difference.

      DANI: See you at 6 then.

      Coffee - not the most romantic of meetups, but I just had to keep reminding myself that I needed to take things slow, I needed to ease my way into her life. She needed to learn about me just as much as I needed to learn about her. I was interested, intrigued, but there was no guarantee that we'd be compatible. For all I knew, she had some terrible belief structure - just because a woman is gay doesn't mean she has all her shit together, there could be any number of hidden neuroses or psychoses there, lurking beneath that delightfully cute exterior. That stern professional fa├žade hiding the little girl within... oh I was dying to know what kind of underwear she was hiding under those pants. It would tell me everything I wanted to know.

      The rest of my Saturday was uneventful, but that was okay - my weekend cleaning routine was done a bit early, so it was time to indulge. I considered myself to be a highly organized person, I enjoyed sorting things - it gave a kind of satisfaction that was hard to get other ways. Sorting things that I knew I liked was even better. So I slipped into the second bedroom of the apartment and basked in the scene that awaited me there. It was bittersweet - I had reconstructed it all after Lauren left. When she started spending more and more time over, I had dismantled everything, hidden everything and it turned out that had been the right instinct. Maybe things could have worked out with Lauren if I had gone slower, maybe she could have been my princess, but if she had seen this, it would have spooked her immediately.

      With a smile, I slid my hand along the top railing of the crib - the lovely, cushy, foam hybrid mattress rested nearly on the ground and it was not hard to imagine Dani pouting at me from behind those bars. Would she be a pouty princess? A bouncy princess? I hoped she wouldn't be a brat like Jess - I was sure she wouldn't... but I was also sure she'd be a princess-type. Oh so sweet but needing things to go her way, needing attention and cuddles. The squirrel-purse told me that, the way she ate at dinner told me that. The gleaming white wood of the crib bars brought me joy - the bed could be converted into a daybed reasonably easily, the frame raised, the side bars lowered and the front bars removed... it was how I had hidden it from Lauren.

      I pulled the long top drawer out of the dresser, running my hand along the tops of the soft plastic coverings of the diapers I had collected - ABU Space, Dotty the Pony, DC Amors... but these were all in the large size, Lauren's size. With a smile I lifted an Amor, enjoying the feel of the backing, so soft. A smile came to my lips as I imagined laying Dani down and sliding one underneath her.

      Oh well, I thought, that smile lingering, these will be good for days when my princess needs to be double-diapered.

      I still had an array of mediums in a box in the closet, ones I had bought for Kailee...

      I spent the rest of the day reorganizing the nursery, putting away all the larger clothing and diapers, and pulling out the mediums, sorting them by color and style and just daydreaming.
      Last edited by bbykimmy; 06-25-2018, 05:01:49 PM.
      Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

      Here's a list of my other stories!


        Chapter Four

        My plan for Sunday had been simple: video games. Next week was going to be rough, there was no doubt about it. The gig was a post-startup, funding was drying up and the bloat and excess of the "spend to grow" mentality was choking the company to death - my speciality. So as I stared at Jess in her crib, gripping the bars with actual tears running down her face, I wondered again how Seth had managed to talk me into this. She had been stuck in the crib for at least an hour after he left. I hadn't gotten his message right away - I had been asleep like a sane person on a Sunday morning - and it was generally half an hour from Cupertino to Burlingame.

        "He left me!" Jess wailed, a small puddle staining the soft pink sheets on the mattress. Thankfully, I could hear the crinkle of the plastic protector. At first I told myself there was no way I was doing his laundry for him, but I knew it was a lie. Seth was as good as friends came, and he'd be exhausted when he got back - he shouldn't have to deal with wet sheets on top of everything.

        "He didn't leave you," I said softly as I lowered the bars to her crib and helped her step out, bow legged. Her onesie was soaked and I stripped it and the diaper from her quickly before escorting her to the bathroom. "You're being dramatic, you silly toddler."

        She pouted as I sat her down on a towel on the floor - in a way it was adorable that she was still following his rules, she wasn't allowed to stand without an "adult" helping her. In another way, it was mildly irritating. We'd be breaking at least a few of his rules today - I wasn't bathing his Little.

        "He did!" she pouted, crossing her arms over her bare chest, her pigtails bouncing as she huffed. "He left me all alone and I couldn't get out of the crib and I leaked!"

        "Oh I know, silly girl," I tapped her on the nose as the bath filled - with pink bubbles, of course - and slowly undid her pigtails and removed her pink collar. "But I also know you could have gotten out, and you could have gone to the potty. We both know you use it for number two when he's not around."

        "Nuh uh," she blushed furiously, hiding her face in her hands - of course it was true. I knew it, Seth knew it, she knew it as well. How could he not?

        "Oh hush," I smirked, taking her gently by one arm and "lifting" her, guiding her into the water. "I expect you to wash yourself, little girl. Understand?"

        "But Daddy always washes me!" she whined - this was why I didn't like babysitting Jess so much. She could take care of her self - she did it every day, after all - but on the weekends she was especially "helpless". Seth only ever asked me to watch her on the weekends, when he got called away for work. He was ridiculously good at his job, this sort of thing happened. Hopefully it would be a quick run, unlike last time... last time I had been stuck with Jess for almost twelve hours and had been ready to throttle the girl.

        "As you said," I told her sternly, handing her a washcloth. "Daddy isn't here, he had to work so you're stuck with Aunt Vanessa."

        "I ha- " her tantrum stopped cold before she could say the word "hate". That was a button for me, and one she had pushed last time, and she hadn't enjoyed the aftermath. The death glare that was surely on my face declared that continuing that particular bit of brattiness would be a terrible idea. She deflated quickly. "Sorry Nessa."

        "I forgive you," I said softly, sitting on the closed toilet and pulling out my phone. "Just don't say that to me, okay cupcake?" She preened as I used his nickname for her, and began soaping up the washcloth. "You're still going to get your baby day and if you're good I'll spoil like your Daddy does... but if you're rotten to me, I'll put you back in that crib with your mittens and that will be that."

        "Sowwy Auntie Nessa," she whimpered, slipping into that lisp that set my teeth on edge.

        "Don't, Jess - don't go sugar sweet on me. I'm not your Daddy. Let's get you bathed, get you diapered, and go relax on the couch and watch one of your cooking shows."

        "Yay!" she literally bounced in the water, splashing a bit out of the tub. "I wanna watch the Great British Baking Show!" I couldn't help but laugh. Seth hated reality TV, loathed it with every fiber of his being and likely had it blocked on his Netflix account - but I could connect to his systems just as well as he could and it wasn't blocked on mine. Jess was actually a reasonably talented cook and she often made dinner for the pair of them... as long as she was done before he walked in the door, when she collapsed to the floor like an infant. Theirs was a strange dynamic, but it worked for them and they were both happy.

        "How about," I began, teasing, "we get you dried off and in a nice, blue diaper - one of the Space ones, and we go watch... I dunno, a nature documentary instead?"

        "No!" her attitude changed instantly, horror on her face. "Pink diapers! Nessa please! Pink diapers and cooking shows, you said you said!"

        I had to admit, her obsession with pink was adorable. The Space diapers were there as her "naughty" diapers - she would be put in those when Seth was cross with her, when she didn't deserve pink ones. I was surprised they didn't get used more with the amount she bratted, but hey - I wasn't her mommy. I didn't think I'd be putting a collar around my Little's neck either... I enjoyed BDSM games, but I liked them separate from my ageplay games.

        "Okay, okay," I laughed, "But not because you're throwing a tantrum. Because I already offered, and I need to be consistent with tiny tots like you. Remember, tantrums don't get you anywhere with me like they do your Daddy. Now, finish up your washing, wash your hair, and we'll get you dressed and ready to watch some TV. Do a good job but don't take too long - your Daddy could come home any minute, and then your TV time will be done."

        She nodded and proceeded to bathe like the adult she was - I actually envied her a little bit, she didn't have to shave her legs... Seth had all of the hair on her legs and arms removed with electrolysis, her skin was always smooth and soft. She groomed her pubic hair often, so it was quick and before long, I was escorting her betoweled form to her nursery and laying her down on her changing table. This particular piece of furniture was missing from my own collection... but Seth's apartment was bigger than mine. I had her dried and powerded and taped up in a DC Amor with a booster in no time. I pulled her to a sitting position and patted her leg, taking a moment to fasten her collar back around her neck before I walked over to her closet to choose an outfit.

        "I want... "

        "You did NOT just begin a sentence with 'I want', did you?" I cut her off. I Want was another pet peeve of mine. Littles should always begin with May I Please when they wanted something.

        "Sorry, Auntie Nessa," the way she shrunk in on herself was delightful, her whole body language changed from confident to cowering in the blink of an eye. I shot her a smile that said, 'Good girl' over my shoulder as I selected her outfit... a pink shirt with pink shortalls. Almost everything in her closet was pink... except for her punishment clothing, which was all in blue.

        She clapped her hands as I carried the outfit over, slipping the shirt over her head and pulling the shortalls up her legs. I loved these shortalls - I had a pair in the nursery closet in my apartment as well... the sides were high rise to hide a diaper and snug around the waist... but the beauty of the garment was the buckles. They required a key to open. We had bought from the same vendor at the same time, my key worked on Jess' outfit just as well as the pair that was waiting for my own princess. A shiver went through Jess' body as the heavy click came from the lock as I snapped them closed.

        "Oh, I love that sound," she purred, her cutesy voice dropped for just a moment and the sultry tone she usually saved for Seth bleeding through. "It's just so... final, so inescapable. Can we... can we talk for a bit, Nessa?" Her face scrunched up as she used her usual nickname for me, juxtaposed against her request for a more adult conversation.

        "Yes, we can talk," I smiled, taking her by the hand and leading her out to Seth's living room. I sat on the couch, pulling her gently down next to me. "When you're ready to be Little again, move to the floor. Until then, you can call me Vanessa." The relief on her face was immense, and her entire posture relaxed. I began to wonder if everything was all right between her and Seth - a lifestyle couple still needed to connect outside of the dynamic, the game couldn't be everything... it wasn't healthy. "What do you want to talk about?"

        "I'm just curious," she began timidly, winding her fingers together, "does Daddy... does Seth think I'm a burden?"

        Of all the questions I expected to come out of her mouth, that had not been one of them. I was good at reading people - really good, it's what made me great at my job, and yet here I was again, for the second time in a week, floored by an unexpected reaction. Seth and Jess were the perfect pair, the poster couple for DD/lg - he was dominating, commanding, loving, and she was cute, cuddly, and bratty but mostly obedient... and they loved each other deeply.

        "Jessica," I smiled a soft smile, a smile that said 'Everything will be all right', and laid a hand on her knee, turning my body to face her. I put on a familiar mask, one that I used to comfort distraught employees - I couldn't meddle in Seth's relationship, but I felt confident in how to deal with this particular Little-crisis. "I can't say for certain how Seth feels about you at any given moment, but I can say this: what you are feeling is really common for kept submissives. You're wondering if you're worth the trouble, if you contribute enough, if he's just playing along to keep you happy and he's secretly miserable."

        There it was. That was the fear. Tears sprung to her eyes immediately and she nodded her head quickly, her lips pursed as she tried to keep herself from crying. Jess didn't have the firmest rein on her emotions - it came with pretending to be a toddler the vast majority of the day. I wasn't even sure how much contact she had with people outside of the community, she had thrown herself so thoroughly into her role.

        "It's not your responsibility to second guess him," I assured her. "If he's miserable, it's his responsibility to talk about it. You can ASK him about it, but whatever he tells you, you should take at face value. Here's where the real problem lies, I think - you can't understand why he would be happy taking care of all your needs. Pampering you literally and figuratively. You can't understand why he would want to spend his time, effort, and money keeping you in this lifestyle that makes you so deliriously happy. You can't see what he's getting out of it, and it makes you feel guilty."

        "Yes!" she gasped, nodding vigorously. "That's it exactly! When we first got together, I used to do so much for him, before... y'know," she gestured down at her diapered crotch, "I would buy him things and we would go places. I mean, I still make him dinner and I clean up around the apartment, but is that enough to repay him for everything he does for me? I don't want to lose him!" Her tears were flowing freely then, she was overwhelmed by fear and doubt. I simply followed my instincts and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into my lap.

        "Hey," I said softly wiping her tears away, "You're not going to lose him by doing what he wants, you silly Little. You're his cupcake and he loves you. You can't understand what he gets out of it because if you doted on him the way he dotes on you, giving every ounce of his attention, doing every little thing for you, you'd feel resentful and upset." She nodded again, confirming my thoughts. "But you're not wired the same way, Jess. You're not a dominant. You think I secretly want someone to swoop into my life and keep me in diapers?"

        "No," she laughed a little, sniffling. "I can't even imagine you in diapers, you're so strong."

        "And I don't want that. Do you want to be in diapers?" I tugged slightly at the strap to her shortalls. "You're helpless, Jess. You can't go to the potty if you wanted to, you're stuck and you're going to have to pee on yourself like a toddler. Is that what you want?"

        She squirmed in my lap and nodded, blushing, hiding her face in her hands. Her body language was delightful, the smell of the powder on her, the faint remnants of strawberry-scented shampoo in her hair. She was adorable, and Seth was beyond lucky.

        "Well?" I prompted her. "Is that what you want?"

        "Yes, Auntie Nessa," she squeaked from behind her hands, her Little-voice returning. She couldn't help it, I was pushing her buttons, the ones that made her brain melt a little.

        "Tell me that you like being trapped in your shortalls," I teased her, patting her diapered crotch.

        "I like it," she whispered, "I like being trapped, I like having no choice."

        "And Seth likes you being that way. A dominant doesn't want the squirmy feelings you're having right now, we don't feel them. We want to feel power, to feel your vulnerability. We want to feel needed and in control. We want to be trusted, deeply. I promise you, the feeling that you're having right now - Seth gets the dominant version of that feeling when he picks on you."

        I tapped a few buttons on my phone, springing her British Baking program to life on the television.

        "Thanks, Nessa," she sighed happily, sliding off my lap and onto the floor where Seth preferred her - I couldn't blame him, his leather couch was nice and she was prone to leaks, after all. "It's just so hard to believe that he would want that."

        "You want to wear the diapers, he wants to put you in them, it's that simple. You're fulfilled by being controlled, he's fulfilled by being controlling. It takes all kinds. Now I have to go clean your bedding, Miss Puddle Pants."

        "Sowwy," she lisped, laying her head on the coffee table. "Nessa?"

        "Yes?" I paused on my way to her nursery, turning around again to face her.

        "I hope you find your Little soon," she said softly.

        "Me too, Jess. Me too."
        Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

        Here's a list of my other stories!


          I like it, its different yet clearly you. It feels like a DD story yet it is not, and that is not bad. You perfectly capture a hunter mentality but you didn't make it perverted, it seems like Vanessa hunts more out of love than anything else. Great as always Kimmy


            It's quite rare for me to find well-written lesbian ABDL stories that have the right balance of dominant/submissive aspects for me to read thoroughly like the one you wrote. From the first paragraph, this story has already pulled me in quickly, and has kept me fully submersed in this dynamic between Vanessa and Dani. I, admittedly, have a bad habit of skimming stories if I think they might be too slow paced or don't have the right elements to an ABDL story but yours is becoming a true finely-crafted gem that I have not even dared to skim through because I didn't want to ruin anything. The pace is the perfect mix of steady/teasing the audience, which is refreshing. I love that the plot is based on the mental game and chase of a little rather than physical attributes- if that makes any sense. I honestly am a fan of the story already and will be avidly awaiting the next few chapters to come.


              Originally posted by superfunnel View Post
              I like it, its different yet clearly you. It feels like a DD story yet it is not, and that is not bad. You perfectly capture a hunter mentality but you didn't make it perverted, it seems like Vanessa hunts more out of love than anything else. Great as always Kimmy
              It was weird to go back to the first person perspective after writing so much in third person, but the real challenge is writing the dominant mindset from the inside. I am SO SO SO not a dominant. I am 100% submissive, not even close to being a switch. So this is a pretty big stretch for me. I'm glad you feel that I perfectly capture the hunter mentality, that's totally what I was going for

              The DD allows me to skip right to the diapers and focus the plot on other elements, which I just can't do with a realistic setting... but this story is all about the conquest, and it feels so much better in the real world.

              Originally posted by Lionheart View Post
              It's quite rare for me to find well-written lesbian ABDL stories that have the right balance of dominant/submissive aspects for me to read thoroughly like the one you wrote. From the first paragraph, this story has already pulled me in quickly, and has kept me fully submersed in this dynamic between Vanessa and Dani. I, admittedly, have a bad habit of skimming stories if I think they might be too slow paced or don't have the right elements to an ABDL story but yours is becoming a true finely-crafted gem that I have not even dared to skim through because I didn't want to ruin anything. The pace is the perfect mix of steady/teasing the audience, which is refreshing. I love that the plot is based on the mental game and chase of a little rather than physical attributes- if that makes any sense. I honestly am a fan of the story already and will be avidly awaiting the next few chapters to come.
              I'm a lesbian in love with the D/s dance, there's just something delightful about being owned, about having someone you trust COMPLETELY, in a way I don't think (no offense to them) that vanillas can really understand. I'm also guilty of skimming stories - the fact is, this is free erotica and so quality is not always guaranteed, even on a board like this one where critique is much more common. I'm flattered that I captured and held your attention. I'm posting this story in another place too, but I'm catching this thread up with that other site today - after this, we'll be doing my usual "one post per day". I hope you'll come back and share your ongoing thoughts as I post, commentary from people enjoying the story is so wonderful for me, I appreciate it deeply when people take the time to tell me how they feel about the things I write. I post each day to encourage more comments, and I promise I'll reply to each one!

              Oh, and for me, sexual attraction is almost entirely a mental matter - it's ALLLLLLL about the mind games. The physical sensations are nice, but someone whispering naughty things into my ear is much more of a turn on than any physical attention. Feeling owned, feeling cared for, feeling like a princess... and bratting and getting in trouble for it - these are my turn ons!
              Last edited by bbykimmy; 06-26-2018, 12:47:14 PM.
              Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

              Here's a list of my other stories!


                Chapter Five

                By the time Seth got home, I had cooked Jess dinner and thoroughly rotted her brain with reality TV. Honestly, it had been a great time. She wasn't my Little, but taking care of her had been nice. I had settled her in her highchair for dinner and fed her cut up bites of spaghetti and meatballs. We didn't use the chair's restraints - I didn't feel it was really my place to use Seth's toys that way - but caring for her, making her feel Little... was soothing.

                After the sun set, after she had binged the entire season of her silly cooking show, I changed her diaper and put her into pink unicorn pajamas, a silly summer kigurumi with a horned hood. She giggled as I tickled her and told her that she was a very pretty unicorn but truth be told, it made me a bit sad. I kissed her once on the forehead before I raised the bars to her crib.

                "Goodnight, cupcake," I said softly as I turned on her Fluttershy nightlight.

                "Nighty night night, Nessa," she yawned, looking tiny and vulnerable in her crib. "Thank you for the lovely day - you're a great mommy. You're going to make some Little very, very happy."

                "Thanks," my smile said, 'You are the sweetest, you make me happy' but it was a lie. I felt worn and sad inside. To have been so close to my desires and to know that Jess wasn't mine - I didn't want her, I didn't want Seth's Little, I would never, ever try to insert myself into their relationship... but I wanted a Little of my own. Someone to care for. My speech to Jess had been true; I had a need, a desire, that I could only share with someone like her - a submissive.

                I pulled her door closed so she wouldn't wake when Seth got home and settled back onto his couch, flipping on Twitch and pulling up one of my favorite streamers.

                When Seth finally stumbled through the door, it was late and he looked awful.

                "Did the servers take you out back and beat you?" I teased him as I muted the TV. "There's some spaghetti left in the pot, Jess is already in bed."

                "I ate," he groaned, flopping down on the couch next to me and kicking his shoes off. "Thanks for hanging with Jess. She's kind of fragile on the weekends, she's very much a creature of habit."

                "Rough day?"

                "Literal surgery," Seth replied, laying an arm over his eyes. "The dumb fucks bought their drives in a lot, which means that they all reached mean-time-to-failure at once... and they didn't call me until the second parity drive failed - the microcontroller literally burned out. I had to take a live drive from another array and cannibalize it for the board. Of course, they couldn't show me the problem, all they could do was mumble that it wasn't working."

                I gave him a smile, a 'You poor soul', as I wrapped my arm around his shoulder.

                "So what are you buying with the emergency fee you're dropping on that invoice?" I smirked. I knew him - he already had the money spent in his mind, probably on...

                "A pink straitjacket," he grinned, sitting up. "The straps go around the thighs instead of between the legs for easy diaper changes."

                Yep. Seth was still Seth, even though his usually calculated demeanor was shattered with exhaustion.

                "I suppose there's just the matter of the babysitting bill," I deadpanned, sitting up as well. "Getting someone to watch your adult baby isn't cheap, after all."

                "No joke, a pro sitter is like $300 an hour these days..." he winked, leaning into me until our shoulders touched, "but it was money well spent last time, my spanking technique is much improved." It was good to be close to him, we had been very close friends before Jess came into the picture... but lately it was getting hard to be around the both of them, especially after Lauren... "There's a treat waiting for you in your Blizzard account."

                "You didn't have to, I was teasing," I smiled a wry smile - there was no point in trying to fake it with him, he could see through all of it.

                "I hope Jess wasn't too bad," he was actually nervous... he needed reassuring.

                "She was fine. We actually had a really good day, it was really nice to have someone to care for. I'm going to be perfectly blunt," I turned my body to face him, and he followed suit, turning his palms up as he rested his hands on his knees - it was a way that we signalled we were emotionally open to hard truths, it was easier to be vulnerable with your palms up. "I'm worried about her - when was the last time she saw her friends? When was the last time she went out without you?"

                "I know," Seth sagged. "Believe it or not, I've been trying to get her to go... I messed up. I tried to make her wear a diaper under an outfit that wouldn't hide it well enough last time she was going out and... well, it didn't go well. She panicked and decided not to go instead... and I've been having trouble getting her to try again. She's afraid to go out unpadded, afraid to upset me, and she's not listening to me when I say it's okay. I'm not sure what to do."

                "I'm in Redwood all week, what if I took her out one evening?" I was relieved - Seth wasn't trying to stop her, not honestly, it was Jess' insecurity that seemed to be the problem. A girls' night out might do her some good.

                "Are you going to be up for it? This is a hatchet job, isn't it?" he asked. I winced, I never liked that term... but he was right, these jobs were emotionally draining. "Sorry. I know they're hard for you." Seeing him this way, open and vulnerable, disheveled and a little shaky, brought a small smile to my face. He hadn't shown this side to me in a while, and it was nice to connect with him when his Dom mask was down.

                "I'll be fine, it's important. We'll go out for dinner and drinks and we'll just talk. She needs some adult time. Plus, I'll already be much closer than usual, no sweat."

                "I agree," he laid back, sighing. "I've been worried about her too."

                "Why didn't you say anything?" I laid a hand on his knee, telling him I was there for him.

                "You've got enough on your plate, Vanessa. And irons in the fire. How's that going, by the way?" He looked over at me, making eye contact, his face concerned.

                "I misread something," I admitted with a small shrug. "We're getting coffee on Wednesday morning... downgraded from dinner."

                "Ouch," he winced, "what's the core?"

                "Not sure yet. Texting," I shrugged. He, of course, had the same problem.

                "I'm sorry it's rough," he consoled, "I know you'll find the right girl. You're a catch, and there are lots of subs out there just waiting to have their Little side unlocked."

                "That's what I keep telling myself," the advice from him stung a little bit - it was the same advice I had given him when I was with Kailee and he was single... and it had worked for him, after all. It was actually hard to imagine him without Jess at this point.

                * * *

                "Don't worry," I assured the nervous manager, Benjamin, offering a smile that said 'All is right with the world, everything is going to be fine', "I'm here to help." He was twitchy in his aeron chair, sitting next to his modern art installation. It was a lie, of course, his entire team was on the chopping block.

                "I know," he smiled weakly. From the movement of his body, I could tell his left leg was jittering under the table. He was lying as well, he was terrified. "Thank you for your help, we just need to figure out how we can right the ship. My team can really move the needle, I'm sure of it."

                Ugh. Managers and their buzzword bullshit. Don't get me wrong - management is a valuable skill, a good one was worth their weight in gold, but this guy wasn't a good one. He was a passive aggressive bullshitter and he had blamed three members of his team already and I'd barely started. He was one of those "talk out of both sides of his mouth" weasels... which was only part of the problem. His entire team was warm bodies, subpar code monkeys who were hired to fill chairs so their growth numbers looked good to investors.

                It backfired, the way it often did. Companies like A-Tech, which was a disgustingly generic name for a SAAS provider, were always better investing in a few rockstars rather than padding out a team with morons. They all knew why I was here, they all knew my reputation. I heard the whispers when I walked through the door... the Terminator is here.

                I hated the name. I was an Systems Analyst, I found weaknesses in organizations and systems and I helped streamline them... it just so happened that the weaknesses I was best at finding were human.

                The day was stressful, interview after interview, combing over code commits and roadmaps. The core service was valuable, but the management layer across the entire company was garbage.

                "Hey," my blood froze as the voice came to my ears. I was hunched over a terminal, fingers flying across the keys... but I stopped dead at the syllable. I would know that voice anywhere even though I hadn't heard it in years.

                "Aubrey," I greeted her coldly, not even bothering to turn around.

                "Terminator," she responded derisively, stepping closer. She set a cup of coffee down gently on the desk beside the mouse and leaned on the back of my chair, her chin by my ear, elbows on either side of my head. "Funny seeing you here."

                "I don't find it particularly amusing," I said evenly, though my heart was pounding. I didn't know she worked here. "What can I do for you?"

                "You can do me a favor," she said softly. "Make sure Benny makes the cut." I brought up the org chart... Benjamin Harris, manager. Aubrey Brown, assistant. That weasel had his own assistant, and of all the people in the world, it had to be Aubrey.

                "I can't discuss my analysis before it's complete," I said flatly.

                "Oh I know," I could hear the smile on her lips, I knew what was coming next. "Kailee has some nice pictures of you though, the two of you doing some pretty... interesting things. I'm sure Jeff would love to see them." Jeffery was my contact here, the COO - and I knew what pictures she was talking about. They weren't particularly flattering. "I really like my job here, Nessa. I barely have to do anything at all, and Benny is a great lay. Don't fuck it up for me."


                "Blackmail is unbecoming," my voice was confident, but we both knew my position was weak.

                "And yet it doesn't seem to bother me at all," she replied. "It's easy, just recommend that Benny gets moved to another department, we both know you're going to cut the brain trust that works under him."

                "I make no promises."

                "Oh I know," she stood, resting her hands on the back of the aeron. "You don't keep them anyway, Vanessa. Actually... I need two favors. The second will give me a nice signal that you're going to follow through with the first."


                "I would like very much," she began. My heart pounded. No. "If you gave Kailee a call." She finished the words I knew were coming in a whisper. "She misses her mommy."
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