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Breaking the Girl: A Novel

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    #31
    I love how quickly things changed. We finally got a much clearer idea of just how little Dani really is. Julian just doesn't seem to understand how littles work and how much support they need. As for her friend Jenni, I think she's just trying to conform Dani into the person Jenni wants her to be.

    I'm loving this story. Its heart warming and sweet with just the right amount of conflict.

    Thankies for sharing

    Comment


      #32
      Originally posted by LilPeaches View Post
      I love how quickly things changed. We finally got a much clearer idea of just how little Dani really is. Julian just doesn't seem to understand how littles work and how much support they need. As for her friend Jenni, I think she's just trying to conform Dani into the person Jenni wants her to be.

      I'm loving this story. Its heart warming and sweet with just the right amount of conflict.

      Thankies for sharing
      I'm glad you're enjoying it! I've had a lot of fun writing it.

      Julian is likely vanilla and vanillas have no clue how Littles work. We don't even know how we work ourselves most of the time!
      Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

      Here's a list of my other stories!

      Comment


        #33
        Chapter Seventeen

        I let Dani sleep for around twenty minutes before I woke her - we still needed to go to the store and buy her a few outfits and some toiletries. She likely wasn't thinking about the fact that she didn't even have a toothbrush.

        "Dani," I said softly, shaking her shoulder. "Come on, you can't sleep too long. We've got to go to the store yet."

        "What?" she mumbled blearily as she sat up, clutching the squirrel to her.

        "You fell asleep," I explained. "You were exhausted. Come on, I made you a sandwich."

        She blushed, setting the stuffed toy down on the bed before following me to the kitchen. I had a sandwich cut into triangles waiting for her, with a glass of milk and a small pile of potato chips.

        "Did you.. you made me peanut butter and jelly?" she laughed, sitting down at the table. "Jeez, I really must seem like a kid to you, huh?"

        "Not at all," I sat down across from her, staring into her green eyes - the puffiness in her face had gone down with her sleep, but she was blushing, embarrassed. "It's one of my favorite comfort foods," I told the half-truth. It was one of my favorite comfort foods... to feed to distraught Littles. I hadn't met a Little yet who didn't like peanut butter. "I just thought you might like it, too. If you don't, I'll make you something else and I'll eat it?"

        "No, it's... it's actually one of my favorites too, thanks."

        Of course it is, I thought to myself, you're a Little and you don't even know it.

        "So," I smiled over my own cup of tea while she crunched on chips, "is Target okay? We'll get you some clothes and then come back here for some gaming and decompression?"

        "Yeah," she agreed, but a sour look crossed her face. "I need to call Julian at some point though. Ugh, that's not going to be a fun conversation. I mean, I have to tell him my place burned down, but I kinda have to explain why I'm not staying with him in the meantime... "

        "Just say you're with a friend who lives closer to your job - I am closer, right - and you'll be apartment hunting soon. Better to be closer - you can deal with the emotional underpinnings later." She looked unconvinced. "I'm not saying that you should lie to him, but if you're not ready to confront those feelings then you need to give yourself the space and the freedom not to just yet. It's okay."

        "You're right," she sighed. "I'm just kind of bad at hiding things - I wear my heart on my sleeve."

        "And I like that about you - but your feelings belong to you and if you're not ready to talk about something, you shouldn't have to. If he presses it, just tell him you're not ready to talk about it but that you will as soon as you are."

        "You're really smart," Dani smiled at me, placing a hand gently on mine.

        "Understanding people and feelings is part of my job," I shrugged, patting her hand gently. "Think nothing of it. I do have a question though." This question would answer a lot, actually - how deeply ingrained was her Little self? Was it close to the surface or was it repressed? She had good reasons to repress it, a lot of societal pressure - but I was hoping that wasn't true. She looked at me intently, waiting for a shoe to drop. "What are you going to name your new squirrel friend?"

        "What?" she burst out laughing - it made me wonder what she thought I was going to ask. "I don't... " she blushed, preparing to tell me a fib. She had named it already. Her Little self was very close to the surface - it was the only thing that made sense.

        "It's okay," I reassured her. "You don't have to tell me, even if you did. I was just curious... I was hoping you liked the squirrel."

        "I do," she smiled sheepishly. "They really are my favorite. And... " she paused, looking down. "I named him Nutsy."

        My heart melted - that was the first name I had guessed for her purse. A smile of genuine warmth spread across my lips as my princess stuffed too big of a bite into her mouth and washed it down with milk.

        * * *

        Our shopping trip began quite well. She found several outfits that would qualify as both "mature" and "business casual" - which for women was generally very formal. She stressed over the price tags, but I assured her it was nothing. I wasn't rich by any means - living in Cupertino was obscenely expensive, my two bedroom was four thousand a month and that was just rent. Thankfully, the jobs I worked paid me well - the benefit of doing someone else's dirty work - and I had relatively few other expenses. I had a nice nest egg that would last me a long time if I had trouble finding another job, but there was currently no worry there. Lots of companies were experiencing the growing pains that A-Tech had been. I was glad that job was over, however. I had recently bought an 18,000 piece puzzle depicting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and I was itching to start on it. After weeks of dealing with crying employees and blackmail, I was ready to lose myself to the purely cerebral activity of a puzzle.

        Once we had a week's worth of clothing, Dani announced that she was ready to go.

        Instead, I led her to the personal care section, and picked out a pink princess toothbrush for her. I was pushing my luck here, she might take offense...

        "Are you kidding?" she eyed it incredulously, though her posture didn't match her voice. She was pretending, putting up a front. She couldn't let me know that she wanted it, that's what all of the damage her friends and family had inflicted upon her was whispering in her ear.

        "I thought you might like it," I shrugged, not pushing. "We can get you something boring if you want, but I thought you would like something cuter."

        "You... you're not making fun of me?" she asked softly, looking down.

        "Of course not," I pulled her into a hug again, I could feel her breathing was ragged in her chest already. "I will never make fun of you, especially not for liking cute things. I love that you enjoy cute things, I find it absolutely endearing. But if you're embarrassed, if you don't want the toothbrush, we'll buy you a different one." I paused for a moment, letting my words sink in. "But you do need a toothbrush."

        She laughed and nodded, sniffling and wiping her eyes. I fished a tissue out of my purse and offered it to her.

        "Thanks," she whispered, holding back tears.

        "Princess toothbrush?" I prodded gently.

        "Yes please," she whispered, nodding and blushing. "I... I actually really like princesses. Is that stupid?"

        "Of course it's not stupid, Dani," I squeezed her before grabbing the pink princess toothbrush and dropping it into the cart. I wanted to talk more about it, but I didn't want to make her cry in the middle of a department store. We bought her a new phone charger and a hairbrush as well - both pink - and were soon on our way.

        "I don't deserve you," she whispered as we checked out - but I pretended not to hear.

        Once we were settled back in the car, our purchases in the trunk, I began the drive home... but I couldn't help myself. I needed her to understand.

        "Dani," I began, turning the music down as we drove down Stevens Creek back toward the apartment. "I want you to know that you never have to be embarrassed about your likes or dislikes with me. I'm not going to judge you. I love that you like cute things - squirrels and princesses - and I'm going to support you no matter what. I care about you deeply and I want you to be happy, and to me that means that you should have the freedom to express yourself however you want. As long as you're not hurting anyone, whatever makes you happy is okay by me."

        "You really don't think it's dumb?" she asked softly, her voice trembling. "An adult - I'm almost 30, Vanessa - liking stupid kid stuff? Jenni says- "

        "Jenni's wrong," I cut her off, "And the Jenni you told me about from college doesn't sound like the Jenni you're telling me about now. The woman who accepted you when you came out as bisexual? The woman who held you when you cried at movies with love stories? The good friend who accepted you no matter what, no matter who you were dating? The Jenni you talked to a few nights ago, the Jenni who told you to throw away something that brings you joy - she's not the same person you went to school with and I think a part of you knows that."

        Damn. I went too hard. She broke down again, sobbing and I wished more than anything that I had bought her a new stuffed friend at the store. I vowed right then that every visit to the store would include a trip to the toy aisle to get her some stuffed thing or another. We were never going to be in this situation again, where she needed comfort and I couldn't give it.

        "You're right," she sobbed. "She hasn't been the same for years now and it just hurts so much to admit it. She was such a sweet person! How did she turn into this bitter woman? She's... " she hesitated, almost stopping herself. I placed a gentle hand on her thigh and nodded. "She never has anything nice to say, she judges everyone and everything. She's racist now, Vanessa - our group of friends in college was every color of the rainbow, but now she has this... contempt for people who don't look like her. I... I really miss my friend."

        "It's okay to miss your friend, it's okay to mourn her loss even if she's still around. People change," I sighed sadly, I had a cousin who had done the same thing to me. When I ran away to California, suddenly she had lots to tell me about how Jesus didn't want me to be gay. It hurt and it had taken me a long time to let her go... I still ached, still mourned the loss of someone who had been so close to me. "People change, and it's not always for the better."

        "Yeah," she sniffled. "I'm just not ready to say goodbye to her yet, y'know?"

        "You do what makes you happy, Dani. I'll support you no matter what. It's okay to mourn what was - but you shouldn't let other peoples' opinions rob you of harmless happiness. I want you to be happy, and if that means brushing with a princess toothbrush and hugging a stuffed squirrel, then I'm all for it."

        "How are you so smart, Vanessa?" As we stopped at the light, I looked over and wiped a tear from her face. Her eyes were shining as she looked at me and I could only smile softly at this precious, vulnerable person who looked at me so openly.

        "Because I've been hurt," I answered softly. "I've been hurt many times in my life, and so I grew. There is no growth without pain, Dani. Comfort leads to contempt."
        Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

        Here's a list of my other stories!

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          #34
          TRIGGER WARNING: Consent Violation, Blood

          This chapter is dark.



          Chapter Eighteen

          "Hey," I sighed inwardly as Aubrey's voice reached me while I unlocked the door to my car.

          I had hoped that on this final day, I would avoid seeing her entirely. The job was done, the company kept Benjamin Harris... though if my read was correct, he'd be fired within two months for gross incompetence. I had highlighted his flaws and pointed out clearly that in many cases I would recommend releasing him, but that he had a chance to become a valuable asset in the right setting. It wasn't entirely a lie - I just didn't think that setting was at this company, he already had a toxic work ethic.

          "Aubrey," I greeted her solemnly. Her attitude was different, she seemed more relaxed. Good, maybe she was done trying to extort me.

          "Why is Kailee this way?" she asked. I was honestly surprised by the frankness of the question.

          "Sit with me," I offered, nodding to the car. I climbed in, unlocking the passenger door and waited for her to climb in as well. When both doors were closed - and Aubrey looked a little uncomfortable with being in territory that was firmly mine - humans are funny that way, we've evolved these thinking and reasoning skills but most people had no idea how much raw instinct affected their thoughts and emotions. Some primal part of Aubrey identified me as a threat, and being in "my territory" was further threatening. "Kailee is a submissive, to an unhealthy degree, honestly."

          "What does that even mean?" Aubrey interrupted me before I had barely begun. I leveled a solid gaze on her and waited, staring, telling her nonverbally that interrupting was not acceptable behavior. "Sorry," she added quietly.

          "It means," I continued, "that she has some drive to feel controlled, possessed, helpless. I'm not a psychologist and I'm certainly not Kailee's psychologist and there are a million different reasons why she could be this way. Maybe it's childhood trauma, maybe it was just watching a specific movie at a formative time in her life, maybe it's her need to feel validated in victimhood - you know that one is true, Kailee enjoys righteous anger, the feeling of being right because she was wronged - but it could be anything. Kailee needs to talk with a professional to learn these things." I paused, giving Aubrey a moment to speak.

          "But what if she doesn't want to cure them?"

          "Cure?" I chuckled. "No psychologist worth their salt is going to try to cure this, there is no 'cure'. Kailee is who Kailee is - talking to a professional isn't about trying to get rid of these urges, it's about trying to understand their cause and deal with any emotional trauma that's hiding there. Kailee has many unhealthy behaviors and attitudes, can you say that she really loves herself?"

          "No," she agreed. "I can't."

          "She should. Kailee is not a bad person. She is a selfish person, and she needs to learn to grow out of that."

          "Well that's rich," Aubrey snarked, "I didn't think you wanted her to grow out of anything. You got her addicted to diapers, Vanessa! That's the opposite of growing out of things!"

          "A diaper is just clothing," I countered. "Yes, it has a meaning, a connotation - but it's just a piece of clothing. Just because she wears a diaper - just because I wanted her to wear a diaper - doesn't mean she should be emotionally immature. We are adults - and it doesn't matter how deep the game goes, at the core it's an agreement between two consenting adults. She agreed to play, and when I no longer felt that it was right for me, I bowed out."

          "Bowed out!?" she snapped. "You left her a sobbing wreck! She cried over you for a month, every day! You tore her heart out and stomped on it, you heartless... " I pursed my lips and narrowed an eye, and Aubrey's fury abated somewhat. She obviously had something else on her mind, if she came to fight she wouldn't simply back down there. "You were harsh," she finished, her voice lowered. "Too harsh."

          "I gave her a hug, I told her that our relationship didn't feel like a good fit to me, I told her that there was someone out there for her, and I walked away."

          "That's not what she told me," the tremor in Aubrey's voice told her that she was doubting, unconvinced.

          "Let me venture a guess," I paused to take a breath for effect before continuing. "She told you that I said I hated her and that I never wanted to see her again, that I was a terrible and mean person who refused to give her another chance, and that it wasn't fair?"

          "That's... pretty close, actually."

          "I was gentle, Aubrey," I sighed. "You heard her pain, not reality. To her, in her mind, that is what I said - that was her interpretation of what I said, that was her experience. And I can't deny that's what she felt - but that's not what I said. I dated her for eight months and it ended almost three years ago. I have moved on. I never wanted to hurt her, but I'm not going to spend my life helping her overcome her damage, that's her responsibility. Too many people overlook these glaring cracks in their partner, or they don't discover these problems until they're years into the relationship and they don't want to just 'throw it away' because they've invested so much. It's the Sunk Cost Fallacy - and I don't fall for it."

          "You're cold," Aubrey said softly.

          "I'm practical," I replied. "I care about her wellbeing, but I refuse to take responsibility for it and if I continued to play the mommy role for her, that's exactly what I'd be doing. Kailee does need someone to help her - but it's not me."

          "What does she want?" Aubrey asked - there was a solemn, timid tone to her voice.

          "I am not the person to ask. How can I tell you what Kailee wants? Only she can do that."

          "But she can't!" Aubrey's fists were tight on her thighs, she was hurting for her friend. That I could understand. "She can't, Vanessa. I keep asking her, I keep asking her what she wants but she never tells me anything that makes sense. What did she want from you?"

          I sighed again, a weary sound.

          "She wants to be controlled," I offered. "She wants someone to physically dominate her."

          "Why does she want someone to hit her?" Aubrey asked, frustrated - she wasn't hearing me.

          "Again, I can't tell you why. There are a multitude of reasons - but I can tell you this, it's not wrong to want that kind of attention from someone you trust. I recommend that you find a couples counselor."

          "We're not a couple," Aubrey's eyes narrowed. "I'm not gay." She was so defensive, so offended by the thought... it was funny to me how a person could be accepting of others - she was accepting of Kailee - but have this internalized homophobia, that it was okay for everyone else but it couldn't possibly be okay for them. To me, I could read it plain as day... I had seen it enough in my life.

          "A couples counselor can also see friends - they teach communication skills, Aubrey. That's all."

          "It's not wrong to give her what she wants, right?" Pain. Seeking reassurance. Seeking permission. They both had so much learning to do about themselves. But I refused to step into that lion's den - I refused to be responsible for their mess.

          "She's not wrong for wanting it, and what two consenting adults do in their own time is their business. But Aubrey," I laid a hand gently on her shoulder. "Don't do something because you feel obligated. If you give yourself in a way that makes you feel bad, it will only lead to resentment. Kailee is responsible for herself, for her own feelings."

          "Yeah well," she said bitterly, "Not all of us can walk away from someone we care about when they're hurting."

          Before I could reply, she was out of the car and storming off.

          What a mess.

          * * *

          I stomped away from Vanessa's car, fuming.

          She's such a cold bitch.

          The Terminator. She terminated Kailee's relationship just like she terminated hundreds of jobs at A-Tech. Cold. Calculated. Unfeeling.

          How could that beast have the gall to tell me about emotional health? She barely had emotions!

          Kailee had been happier in the past two weeks than I had seen her in months. She liked me being her nanny - I couldn't stomach her calling me "mommy", not after watching her call Vanessa that for so long - she liked how I took charge. Vanessa was right about one thing - she did want to be controlled.

          But it took so much time and effort. It was so draining, trying to do this for her, trying to make her happy. What about what made me happy?

          I climbed into my car to drive home - I was glad Vanessa was out of my life. And when I got home, I was forbidding Kailee from mentioning her again. She wanted to be controlled? Fine. I would be controlling.

          The drive was quick at least. I was at the apartment door in under half an hour.

          When I open this door, I thought to myself, it had better be clean in there.

          When I had left for work that morning, Kailee hadn't put away the dishes yet, and she hadn't folded her laundry. She had another leak yesterday, so she had bedding to wash today. Three years ago she had been on track to be a supervisor at her job, managing the QA team - now she worked part-time at a coffee shop. She didn't have a shift today, and if I came in to find...

          Kailee jumped when the door opened, fumbling with the TV remote and stuffing it behind her after the television went silent.

          "Hi nanny," she grinned. I knew that grin. That grin meant she had done something wrong and wanted to be punished for it. She did that so much. I'd tell her to do something and she'd "forget", she'd purposefully do things wrong because she loved it when I was cross with her. I narrowed my eyes, wondering what she had messed up now.

          "Show me your diaper," I said after the door was closed. She stood and lifted her skirt, showing me a sodden, sagging diaper still taped around her. "Go change."

          "Will you change me?" she asked, stepping over and leaning into me, grasping onto my arm.

          "No," I said flatly. "I'm not going to change you - you change yourself." The idea of changing her diaper bothered me - it didn't bother me so much that she wore them, it didn't bother me that she peed in them, but I drew the line at handling them. I'd put her in a dry one after a bath, that was about my limit. "Now go. Now."

          "Yes nanny," she sighed, trudging into her room as if I weren't already giving her every fucking thing she wanted.

          Couldn't she see that I was doing this for her? Diapers weren't my thing - I wasn't even into women. Benny and I had a date tomorrow night at least, I'd get some attention then.

          I heard her vibrator kick on in the next room, and it set my teeth on edge. She was so careless... but I really felt angry when I looked into the kitchen and found the sink full of dishes that she had sworn would be clean when I got home. I gritted my teeth and sat down, turning the TV on... only to find it on a Pay-Per-View porn. She was wasting money on cable porn!

          I tried to breathe, tried to calm myself down. I wasn't going to leave her like Vanessa did. The Terminator was right though, she was selfish. Like a child.

          I thought back to my own childhood, and I knew what I had to do. I grabbed the wooden spoon from the kitchen and headed for Kailee's bedroom. I heard the rip of the tapes of her diaper as I pushed the door open... and found her masturbating on an unmade bed, laying on just the plastic sheet, her clean bedding all over the floor.

          And I saw red. Her room was a disaster, worse than it had been yesterday when I told her to clean it. I stomped over to the bed and tossed the used diaper on the floor, rolling her onto her stomach roughly.

          "Nanny!" she squeaked. I brought the spoon down hard, stinging her flesh that was still damp from sitting in a wet diaper all day. I brought it down over and over.

          "I'm going to teach you," I said between strikes, "not to be selfish. I'm going to teach you," she was squirming now, whimpering, "to think about others. This behavior is going to change!" As I continued, her whimpers turned to cries, which turned to sobs. She wanted punishment? Fine. She wanted control? Fine. But she was going to learn from it.

          "Stop, Aubrey!" she writhed. I put my hand firmly on the back of her neck and held her there, bringing the spoon down on her bottom mercilessly.

          "The dishes aren't done, your room is a mess, you wasted money on porn, and you're just in here masturbating!"

          "Fuck Aubrey! Red! Red! Stop!"

          I knew I was supposed to stop there, I knew I was supposed to listen to that word, but red was in my vision. And she wasn't going to learn if she could stop a punishment whenever she wanted.

          When I did stop, she was a sobbing mess, begging and promising to be better. Blood dripped down her thigh, I had broken her skin at some point - the wound was angry and red on her bottom.

          I looked down at her, heard her begging, heard myself, my child self in her cries.

          And I hated myself.

          "I don't want to ever have to do that again," I said, throwing the spoon to the ground. "I need you to listen."

          As my mother's words came from my mouth, I walked away.

          I wasn't going to abandon her like Vanessa did. I was going to fix her if it killed me.
          Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

          Here's a list of my other stories!

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            #35
            Holy poo!!! Wow, I'm blown away. Audrey is going to traumatize Kailie. She probably just did. I see this is clearly a relationship going down the rabbit hole. The intensity of that ending was a big change in the feel of this story. I must say I liked it. It creates a level of reality that wasn't there before. Two people that live through their emotions. Its very true that some people act this way. They don't know how to just acknowledge the emotion is there and then take the time to process the situation that caused it so the can determine a proper, healthy way to deal with it. I must say this a very great adaption to their personalities. Wonderful job.

            Thankies for posting

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              #36
              Wow! First of all, I really love how Vanessa is treating others, Dani especially, but also Audrey. Though she may seem cold, she is actually very understanding of others, their needs, emotions, and her own limits. She may come off as direct, but also says what needs to be said in order to resolve issues in the most effective manner. She is also very loving and caring to her friends and Dani. I absolutely love all of this about her.

              Second, that last scene. The violence, that was okay, but going after the safe word, that got to me. Felt it right in the feels, and it hurt. You did a wonderful job creating something that evoked such a powerful emotional response. Congrats, and keep it up!

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                #37
                Just curius but will we see another new chapter in the future ?

                Comment


                  #38
                  Yes - I have several that just need to be cleaned up a bit!
                  Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

                  Here's a list of my other stories!

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Chapter Nineteen
                    Dani got home before I did, the 101 was beyond frustrating. Everything ground to a halt near the San Mateo bridge exit and traffic had been a crawl. I was really glad I had given her a key. She was sitting on the couch, looking rather rigid, and her eyes snapped up to me as I walked in.

                    "Welcome home," she said nervously.

                    "Everything okay?" I asked, setting my laptop bag gently by the door and slipping off my shoes.

                    "I just... I'm really afraid of messing up your apartment," she looked down as she spoke. "I never realized how messy mine was until I slept here - everything is perfect."

                    "Hey," I sat down next to her on the couch, "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry about what happened to your apartment, but I'm really glad to have you here. I'm kind of a neat freak, you're not," I shrugged, downplaying just how awful her place had been. "I don't think you're going to mess up my place - and if you do, we'll clean it together." I was not going to clean up after her. I would end the stalled relationship and begin my hunt anew before I ended up with an incurable slob - I had already gone through that once, Kailee liked leaving messes just to get in trouble and I just didn't have the patience to play that game again. Dani was messy - but I was banking on that being a curb-able habit.

                    "You sound like my mom," Dani laughed. It took everything I had to keep a straight face. "So how was the last day on this contract?"

                    "I am beyond glad it's over," I groaned, sinking into the couch and propping my bare heels up on the coffee table. Dani looked at me with a shocked expression, seemingly surprised at the action. "I don't mind these jobs, I'm good at figuring out the weak points in a system so the company can shore them up, but it's a very intensive process."

                    "It's crazy to me," Dani smiled, finally relaxing, "That you're not going to have a job to go to on Monday - you just, what? Wait for someone to call you?"

                    "Essentially," I shrugged. Dani didn't know the intimate details of what I did, she didn't know I was essentially contracted to decide who should keep their job - not everyone reacted well to that, so I was still holding my cards close. "If it looks like nothing is lining up, I'll start going to conventions or meetups and offer some free advice to keep myself fresh in peoples' minds. When it gets really dire, I start giving talks - but that doesn't happen often any more."

                    "So what are you going to do?" she asked, closing her laptop and setting it aside, turning her body toward me slightly. She was engaged and interested - that was good.

                    "Come on - I'll show you," I took her hand gently and stood, pulling her with me as I walked toward the kitchen. This touch was important, normalizing this sort of leading, this gentle contact. She tensed slightly when I slipped my hand into hers, she hadn't been expecting it and I could tell she still had some conflicted feelings. I had to be very careful to make this seem platonic, or she would feel like she was betraying Julian, which would make everything harder. She relaxed as we neared the dining room table and I removed the tablecloth and the center of the tabletop, revealing the velvety puzzle-area beneath. My new puzzle was waiting inside, sealed an unopened.

                    "Wow," she marveled, "that's cool. Wait... holy crap, that puzzle looks insane!"

                    "I find them paradoxically relaxing and challenging at once," I sat down in one of the chairs and smiled up at her. "So, this is my plan for Monday. It'll be nice to not have a gig for a bit."

                    "Don't you worry that you won't be able to get another one?"

                    "I used to," I confirmed. I could feel the anxiety at the prospect rolling off of her - this was one of the reasons Dani had potential to me in the first place... it was hard being a woman in tech, she had to fight so hard to get where she was, the idea of relaxing instead of continuing that clawing fight was alien to her. "But now I enjoy it. The phone will ring, I'll get another gig, and the cycle continues. For now, the cycle says 'Do a Puzzle'. How was your job today?"

                    "Ugh," she slumped down into the chair across from me, "Harpreet - the guy I was telling you about - he's totally brilliant and his output quality is amazing, but his interpersonal skills need a lot of work. I understand he's really upset about this problem with his parents, but that does NOT excuse telling a senior scientist he's a dumbass for not understanding a problem."

                    I shook my head, I was familiar with this situation from an entirely different angle. The really sharp employees tended to have these kinds of problems, but they also tended to be worth the investment. It was easy to find two dozen coders with degrees - it was hard to find one who was truly talented

                    "Isn't that his direct manager's job to deal with rather than yours?" I asked.

                    "Sure, in theory - but Joel just isn't equipped to deal with those sorts of problems, he just makes them worse. So I do what I can."

                    We talked for a while on this problem, I mostly listened - she didn't want or need a problem solver here, she wanted a friendly ear, and I was happy to give it. It also let the sexual tension fade a little as we connected on this friendly level - that's what I wanted, for small dominating touches like leading her by a hand to become commonplace, unconscious. I made us a quick dinner - most of my meal prep was for one, so I had to improvise, but it came out well. Tacos were easy and I just dipped into the meat I had planned for burgers later.

                    When I served her food - and I prepared it all, I fixed her plate for her, I chose her silverware, I poured her drink - I adjusted the way she was sitting in the chair before pushing it in slightly, just reinforcing this caregiver connection. She was a little unsettled, mostly by the fact that I wasn't allowing her to help which made her feel guilty - it was a problem with most submissives, hopefully she would adapt easily. I wanted to fix her plate, and I could see in her tiny smile when I set it in front of her, she wanted it too.

                    "So," I said after I took her empty plate - part of me wanted to compliment her, to tell her she was a good girl for eating so nicely, but that would have tipped my hand. She was accepting my care, she wasn't resisting... but too far and the whole thing would be blown. "It's Friday night. I have no plans, what about you?"

                    "Honestly," she sighed, "I'm exhausted. I called the insurance company but my claim is still being processed - and they won't be getting back to me until Monday. So really, I just think I'll go to bed early. I do have a question though... " she looked uncomfortable, embarrassed. "Why is there a plastic sheet on your guest bed?"

                    Shit. I had forgotten all about that.

                    "I'm so sorry," I put on a contrite face, "I just like to plan for all contingencies - that bed almost never gets used. I spilled soda on it once while I was playing a game," I lied. "Don't ask why I was playing from the guest bed - I just felt like it. Sometimes it's good to feel like you're getting utility from everything you're paying for, y'know? We can remove it tonight, it's no big deal."

                    "If it's not too big a deal," she blushed, looking down. This expression was hard to decipher accurately - my perceptions were skewed by my own emotions, I could feel it. Was she embarrassed because it was a childish thing and she didn't like it? Was she embarrassed because she secretly wanted it but didn't want to admit it? Was she embarrassed on my behalf because she thought I had something to hide? There were too many possibilities and I was compromised.

                    "Of course," I said - I wasn't going to be able to puzzle this out right now, so it was easier to just eliminate the variable. The last thing I wanted was for her to react negatively to any ageplay paraphernalia and bolt like Lauren did. "I'll take care of it."

                    "Thanks," she didn't return her gaze to me - she was avoiding eye contact now. I could feel myself start to panic a bit, which was doubly upsetting because I wasn't the panicking sort.

                    I pushed away from the table and headed to the nursery - the guest room - and removed the plastic sheet from the bed, folding it carefully and quietly before stashing it in my closet.

                    That had been close - too close - and it could have gone very badly. When I headed back to the kitchen, her back was to me - she was on the couch, on the phone.

                    "No, I'm just really tired tonight - I don't feel up to going out, I'm sorry. I had a really rough day yesterday and it's going to take me a while to get over it."

                    Julian? Jenni? The latter seemed less likely, she apparently wasn't talking to Dani. I hesitated in the hall, stepping toward the bathroom quietly, slowly lowering my heel to the floor before shifting my weight forward toward my toes. I was adept at walking quietly, especially while barefoot. The skill was essential in tormenting a blindfolded sub - if they could hear you walk, it ruined some of the tension.

                    "Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, let's plan on going out tomorrow night - no, no clubs. Just dinner, if that's okay? Yeah, that sounds great. I'll meet you there at six? Yes, I'll totally watch your show tonight. Good luck, have fun."

                    As she hung up, I stepped into the bathroom and flushed the toilet before running the water for a moment and "returning" to the living room.

                    "Okay," I smiled nonchalantly, a smile that said 'It is absolutely normal that I removed a plastic sheet from your bed and nothing out of the ordinary is going on'... or at least that was what I was aiming for. "Bed's re-made."

                    "I'll take care of the dishes from dinner, and then I'm probably going to go to bed, if that's cool?" She stood, turning toward me.

                    "That would be very nice, thank you." I walked into the kitchen with her and helped gather up the dishes - this was a delicate dance. On the one hand, I wanted her to be helpless for me, to allow me to care for her, but on the other if I didn't let her do any kind of chore, she was less likely to be willing to do them later - and I had no interest in a brat who had to be threatened to help out. No, it was better to let go of that caregiver instinct here and let her do the work.

                    I sat down on the couch while she washed the plates and forks - I had already put the leftover bits away and cleaned out the items I had used to cook. I found it much easier to pause while cooking to wash a dish when I was done with it than it was to leave a big pile until after the meal. This was the right move - she was anxious about feeling like she was taking advantage of me, she was anxious about "messing up" my place, she was anxious to prove her value to me. She had no idea how little that would take.

                    "Hey Vanessa," she smiled from the hallway after she had finished up, having grabbed her laptop on the way. I deliberately avoided watching her, wanting her to feel at ease.

                    "Yes?"

                    "Thanks again," her smile was thankful, but slightly wistful... there was a touch of sadness to the line of her lips, and I was having trouble deciding what that represented. "Thanks for letting me crash here, thanks for dinner, just... thanks. Thanks for being there for me."

                    "It's my pleasure, Dani. I've enjoyed growing closer to you and I hope that continues - in whatever capacity makes you feel comfortable and good. Let me know if you can't sleep and you want to play a game?" I had a different game in mind, a game that involved her quivering before me... but I would settle for a video game. Hopefully the other would come soon enough.

                    "Will do, but to be honest - I'm exhausted. Good night."

                    "Goodnight," I agreed as she slipped down the hall. I wanted quite badly to follow her to the nursery and tuck her in, to give her that stuffed squirrel to cuddle as I raised the crib bars. To pat her diapered crotch gently, to revel in her vulnerability.

                    I could only hope those dreams would come true.



                    Chapter Twenty

                    I glanced at the clock nervously - I had started dinner late and instead of doing something fancy, it was just tortellini boiling in the water, the sauce warming on the stove. Easy. I just needed the water to boil faster. Daddy would be home soon and then I wouldn't be allowed to stand, and that man couldn't make toast. It was uncanny really, even the simplest recipes turned out to be disasters that required a ton of cleaning, but there was no way I was giving up our baby game just because he was going to make a mess. Cleaning the messes was my job... when he wasn't around.

                    "Come on.. " I whispered to the pot of water. I shouldn't have been masturbating so long, but Daddy hadn't let me cum in days and there was no way he was going to find out this time - I put the vibe exactly back where it had been. Nothing was out of place - I wasn't even supposed to know where he had hidden my wand.

                    "Yes," I cheered quietly as I pulled a bit of pasta out of the pan and inspected it - it was ready. I rushed the pot over to the kitchen and drained it... when I heard the sound of his key in the lock. "Poop!" I shook the colander twice and rushed it back to the stove, pouring the pasta into the sauce and tossing the empty strainer on the counter just as the door opened - I immediately dropped to my butt.

                    "Hello Cupcake," his voice was like a drink of cold water after a long walk in the desert. I smiled up at him - he was tall, but he never looked taller than when I was sitting on the floor. He closed the door softly behind him. "Are you playing in the kitchen again, you naughty girl?"

                    "No Daddy," I lied as I crawled over to him, making sure to swing my diapered butt in the air. He gave it a playful swat as he crouched down, pulling me into his arms and lifting me off the ground. I melted into his embrace as he squished the sodden padding against my bottom - I was really wet. He gave me a long, slow kiss and my toes curled involuntarily as they dangled in the air on either side of him. This was the best spot in the world - safe in Daddy's arms. I adored the fact that he could lift and carry me, and I found myself being lowered into the highchair... my hands were quickly secured in the leather restraints and the tray was snapped in place - I was helpless. Just like he wanted. Just like we both wanted.

                    "Tortellini, huh?" he mused as he turned off the burner, grabbing a couple of bowls. "Someone was a busy girl today then, I bet. What was my little Cupcake up to today that she had to make a rush dinner?"

                    "It's not a rush dinner, Daddy," I lied again - I lied to Seth a lot. Before we got together, I had no poker face at all. Just thinking about lying made me blush... but I lied to him constantly. He knew, most of the time. It should probably have bothered me that it came so easily now, but my mind was elsewhere. "I just really wanted tortellini!"

                    "Were you good for your nanny today?" He asked as he carried a bowl over and sat down next to me, setting the delicious smelling pasta down in front of me.

                    Oh, we were playing this game today. My nanny was imaginary, and yet she tattled on my constantly. If he was invoking the nanny, that meant he probably had a game planned for tonight. Yay!

                    "Yes Daddy," I said cutely as he tied a bib around my neck and set my bottle down on the tray. If Jessica from five years ago could see Little Jess now, she'd be screaming... I had fallen down some strange rabbit hole and now lived the happy, carefree life of a bratty toddler... and I loved every moment of it. The Jessica of five years ago had no idea what she was missing. "Nanny said I was very, very good today. I begged her to make the tortellini and she said yes."

                    "Oh I see," he mused as he blew on a bite of food softly before holding it to my lips. "And what did nanny have my little Cupcake doing today?"

                    I couldn't answer - I was too deep in the bliss I felt as he fed me. I had been holding my bladder just a bit for this moment and let go, feeling beyond helpless as I sat restrained in the high chair, being spoonfed my own cooking and wetting myself. I wanted him to tell me how helpless I was, to rub it in a little, but he was gentle Daddy right now. I had to crank it up a bit.

                    "Well, I gotted some corner time and had to clean the crayon off the wall," I made up a quick story about being naughty to give him a hint of what I wanted. "But it wasn't my fault, Buttercup Jolly Hooves needed me to make a magic portal so she could go visit her friend... " I searched for a fun name, "Peachy Sweet Ears. So I did, but I gotted in just a little trouble."

                    "Oh, that is naughty - little girls shouldn't draw on the walls, Cupcake." He took a moment to eat his own dinner while he held a bottle of apple juice to my lips. I drank obediently while he ate, waiting for my turn to talk again.

                    "I wasn't drawing, Daddy," I protested. "I was making a magic portal. It just looked like I was drawing because nanny doesn't know magic."

                    "Oh I see," he nodded sagely, offering me yet another bite. Tortellini might be a rush meal for me, but it was good. "I guess you deserve to be bound and helpless the way you are right now, huh?" There it was. I felt the adrenaline surge through my body at his words, the excitement. My cheeks flushed involuntarily. "I bet you're a wet little girl, too. Did you make it to the potty for nanny today, or did you just wet your diapers?"

                    "I.. I tried," I stammered. The heat between my legs was no longer from wetting alone.

                    "Such a helpless little girl," he teased. "That's why we have to keep you in such thick diapers, if we didn't-"

                    Then his phone rang, interrupting him mid-tease. I wanted to cry for real. I wanted to scream and fuss as he took the call, stepping away from the table. It wasn't fair! I waited for him all day and now he wasn't paying attention to me! It sounded like stupid work, too. Those stupidheads. I knew better than to make any noise while he was on the phone, though. I couldn't embarrass him to his job. My joyous arousal was rapidly fading as I waited, grumpy.

                    "Sorry Cupcake," he apologized, sitting back down and taking two quick bites before feeding me.

                    "It's okay," I sighed. It had to be - he made all the money, sometimes he had to take calls at dinner. Sometimes he had to work weekends - he was really good at his job and people needed him. "Have you heard from Nessa at all?" I seriously doubted that he had, but I was curious - we had emptied her nursery just yesterday.

                    "Nope," he answered as he fed me. "We probably won't hear from her for a bit - she has to get Dani calmed down and figure out this whole Julian thing."

                    "Dani is really cute," I beamed as he took his turn eating. "Did you see how shiny and dark her hair is? Oh, I so want to braid her hair, it looks so soft!"

                    "We have to go slow with her, Cupcake. She wasn't already a rope bunny like you, silly girl. She's a vanilla and if we scare her off, Vanessa will be very upset."

                    "I know how to talk to vanillas," I said defensively - though it wasn't exactly true any more. I barely talked to anyone, and the few people that I had regular conversations with were in the scene. "I just really, really want to play with her. Do you think she likes coloring? Do you think she likes games?"

                    "I don't think Vanessa would be interested in anyone who didn't like games," he smirked. "I just want you to be extra careful, okay? And yes, she's cute - but not as cute and precious as you, my wonderful little Cupcake."

                    "Aww Daddy," I blushed as he unbound my hands, pressing the bottle into my grip - I was supposed to drink it all. He dropped the bowls and the pot in the sink for me to clean up tomorrow, and stashed the tiny bit of leftovers in the fridge before wandering off.. into the bedroom. I called after him, "When can I play with Dani? I really want a playmate. Do you think Vanessa will let her have sleepovers? Oh, can I sleep over there? I wonder what kind of diapers will be her favorite... "

                    "Cupcake!" his voice was harsh from his room, and when he came back, he had a dark look on his face. Actual fear entered my heart as he walked toward me.

                    "Yes Daddy?" I asked meekly. I hadn't actually drawn on the wall, but he looked madder than just pretend.

                    "You played with your wand today, didn't you?" he asked accusingly, hands on his hips.

                    How did he know? I put it back perfectly!!

                    "No Daddy," I lied. This was a dangerous lie, not a playful lie - if he did know somehow, I would be in trouble. I stared up at him, helpless in the highchair as he glared down at me. I gulped.

                    "I know you're lying," he said sternly. "You have one chance to tell me the truth. Did you find your wand and play with it?"

                    I had a choice - I could tell the truth and get a small punishment, there was no way I was getting off with just a warning.. probably back in the stupid chastity belt over a diaper. I didn't like that. Or I could double-down and probably get a bigger punishment... but one I might enjoy if I played my cards right.

                    "No Daddy," I lied again. "I don't even know where it is. I gotted in trouble for using it when you said not to, so I certainly didn't find it in the middle drawer of your dresser that I never go in." I let a little grin slip. It was too fun.

                    Yes! His eyes lit up. That meant it was going to be a fun punishment! My plan worked.

                    "Enema time, naughty girl."

                    Oh no. Oh no no no.

                    "No Daddy!" I whined, wiggling in the high chair. I couldn't reach the latch of the tray, that was half the point, so I was helpless as he prepared the supplies. "No Daddy please!"

                    "Oh don't worry," he chuckled. "You'll get lots of time with your wand soon. We're going to make sure you cum... after your enema."

                    Oh messy orgasms were so humiliating, and the cleanup was a nightmare... I was going to love it, but it was certainly a punishment. Oh well, at least I could enjoy begging in the meantime.

                    "Please Daddy, no! I'm sorry. I did it! I got into the drawer and found the wand and I played with myself! I'm very, very sorry. How did you even know!?"

                    "Daddy always knows," he said darkly.



                    Chapter Twenty-One

                    "Kailee," I snapped, standing in the living room and staring at the dirty plate sitting on the coffee table. I had been so pleased when I came left for work that morning - the dishes had been done and put away, everything was tidy... the laundry wasn't done, but not everything could be accomplished in one evening. And here she was forgetting my lessons already. I didn't want to hit her, I didn't like hitting her - but she liked it. She wanted it, she needed it. And so if I wanted her to get over Vanessa - hopefully get over this whole stupid baby game entirely - I had to get her back on her feet and back out into the world. She had to find a new partner - preferably a man who could take care of her or at least make her life easier... like Benny was for me.

                    "Coming Aubrey," I heard her voice from down the hall and my eyes narrowed. She was wearing a midriff and a pair of shorts that were far too tight to conceal a diaper... which she wasn't wearing. In a way, this was good. I was breaking her of her desire.

                    "What are you wearing?" I demanded. I'd bring up the fact that she hadn't called me 'nanny' in a moment.

                    "Red, Aubrey," she held up her hands, keeping her distance from me. "I don't want to play today, my butt still hurts. We need to-"

                    "We don't need to do anything," I snapped. "Your little word doesn't mean shit to me, Kailee." She wants this, I reminded myself. She wants this. I just have to give her even more than she wants. "You need to march your ass back to your room and put on your diaper, little girl." I crossed my arms as I looked at her, watching her shrink in on herself slightly.

                    I had to admit, that felt pretty good - that power. I understood at least a little of what Vanessa got out of this.

                    "Aubrey," Kailee complained meekly, "I don't want-"

                    "You don't get to call me that any more," I growled, stepping toward her. She squeaked and backed away, fear in her eyes. I had watched Vanessa spank her, Kailee had admitted she masturbated after that - she couldn't help herself, she wanted this. She probably brought out the vibrator yesterday while I was in my shower, after that spanking... I had to take a shower after that.

                    "Nanny," she whimpered, "I'm sorry. Please, I need a break from-"

                    "You are going to go to your room and put on your diaper right now," I sneered, taking another step forward. She backed away quickly. "You're going to get a spanking one way or the other. Do you want it on your bottom or your diaper?"

                    "Please Nanny," she begged, that same way she begged the Terminator. "Please don't make me-"

                    "GO!" I roared, reaching for her. She ran.

                    I sank to the couch, putting a hand to my mouth. How could Vanessa like this? A little bit was fun, but Kailee had actually looked scared there. I felt sick to my stomach... and I was still going to have to spank her. You never made an idle threat, you followed through on every one - never make a threat you're not going to carry out. I had to.

                    I had to make it a good one too, I had to show her that she couldn't disobey. That she had to be exactly what she always said she wanted, a toy, a plaything... I had to give her what she wanted from Vanessa, I had to break her of it.

                    Because I loved her.

                    When she back came out, she had a long skirt that covered her. I walked over and pulled it down, letting it drop to the floor in a puddle at her feet, revealing the diaper beneath. She looked ridiculous in the midriff and a puffy diaper, but I would play my part.

                    "I put it on," she whispered, looking at the ground.

                    "I'm going to start counting," I warned, "And you're going to fix your mistake in the living room. And for every number I count, that's how many swats you're getting. I want it clean."

                    "What am I-"

                    "One," I cut her off, sending her into a panic. She scrambled for the coffee table and grabbed the plate, scurrying to the sink and setting it inside. "That's not clean. Five."

                    "No!" she whimpered, starting the water... it was to the count of twelve before it was warm enough to wash. I had finished twenty-six by the time she was done and the plate was away.

                    "Lean over the arm of the couch," I instructed.

                    "Aub.. Nanny, twenty-six is too much for just a plate!" she begged, still standing near the sink.

                    "Twenty-seven," I snarled, sending her running over to the couch and laying face-down over the arm. I grabbed the wooden spoon from its prominent spot on the coffee table. I tried to make sure it was always visible, just as a reminder.

                    "Please don't," she begged. "That's too many, I still hur- OW!"

                    It shouldn't hurt that much - I was hitting her on the diaper, each smack making a thud rather than the slap of wood on flesh. She was probably faking. By twenty-five I wasn't so sure, she was crying so hard, sobbing, her body shaking. But I was so close to the end, she'd be able to take two more - she had padding.

                    "Go to your room," I said more gently, stroking her hair. "And listen next time."

                    Her reply was a strangled sob as she struggled to climb off the arm of the couch and headed back, walking slowly. Let her go masturbate, it would make her feel good.

                    "And know," I added, "I only do this because I care about you."

                    As usual, my mother's words made me feel sick.

                    * * *

                    It had been a week since Dani's apartment burned down. The claim check had come through, she had enough clothes to get by and had replaced some of her favorite things, but she hadn't had much luck on the apartment hunting front, at least not in Sunnyvale. Everyone who had lived in her previous complex was looking at the same time, and the rates had gone up mysteriously. She was stressed out about it, she felt guilty that she was "mooching"... but I really enjoyed having her around. Our nearly nightly gaming sessions began stretching a bit later, and she had actually blown Julian off for me once in the past week. But she was going out with him tonight.

                    "I was hoping," she said, "to have found a place by now. Julian's going to ask about it and I hate lying... but I don't want to tell him the truth."

                    "We're just friends," I pointed out reasonably.

                    "But we were dating," she countered... but there was something she wasn't saying. I had a hope ast to what it was but I had no confirmation. To me it felt like there was an unspoken and we might again.

                    That could have just been wishful thinking.

                    "They say honesty is the best policy," I offered - not really an idea I subscribed to personally. People lied all the time, about big things, about little things, it was just part of being human. Every time someone asked 'How are you' and you said 'Fine' when you weren't, that was a lie.

                    "Yeah," she agreed hesitantly.

                    "You're not doing anything wrong," I reminded her, sliding the glass of tea I had finished sugaring up for her down the counter and into her waiting hand. It had taken Dani a few days to relax - once she had the messes had started, but she was easy to clean up after and I didn't have anything else to do during the day. My puzzle was coming along nicely and I was enjoying my reprieve from evaluating the worth of others and their contributions to a system.

                    "You're right," she nodded, taking a sip and smiling. It hadn't been hard to figure out her preferences - she was a Little through and through and it showed constantly. The tea was sweetened to the point that I couldn't drink it without making a face, but it was perfect for her.

                    I had begun to care for her in subtle ways while she stayed with me. Pouring her drinks for her, serving her food - she had even grown used to me dabbing a napkin at a bit of food on her face. She still offered a small, funny look when I did it, but she didn't complain and she didn't pull away. If anything, she had begun to turn toward me for it. My slow and steady approach was working.

                    "Is it okay if I ask where you're going tonight?" I inquired. "Just so I don't suggest the same kind of food for the weekend, that is."

                    "Julian always asks me where I want to go," Dani shrugged. "But I know his favorite is Italian, so that's what I'm going to pick."

                    "Even though your favorite is sushi?" I knew already what she was going to say.

                    "Julian doesn't like sushi," she smiled wistfully. "So I don't suggest it any more. It's okay, I'd rather he were happy." There it was. She was a people-pleaser, I already knew that about her. She would hide her desires, her preferences, to make someone else happy. It didn't sit well with me, and I was constantly coaxing what she really wanted out of her. She had been doing it so long - her entire life - even if she couldn't see it, that sometimes she honestly didn't know what she wanted.

                    But I did.

                    "What you want matters too," I told her futilely. She'd say, Oh I don't mind with some excuse.

                    "Oh, I don't mind. I like Italian, too - even if it's not my favorite. It's silly to eat your favorite thing every day, it wouldn't be your favorite any more!"

                    I stifled a sigh as she stepped lightly to her room. I waited a beat before picking up her phone from where she had left it on the counter. Her lock screen was simple to solve, she was a messy person - of course she hadn't cleaned her phone. The smudge of her fingerprints was easy to see at the right angle, and soon I was installing my favorite tracker app from my private server. It's not that I thought she'd lie to me about where she was going, but these sorts of things had come in handy in the past - it was reasonable to assume that they would again. I set her phone gently back down in the exact spot I had lifted it from before I sat back down at the table, finding the next piece of my jigsaw puzzle.

                    Dani came back out in a mustard yellow top with a floral pattern, so long it covered all but the bottom of her short denim cutoffs beneath. She was adorable, but the style was far too mature for her - she would be much cuter in a onesie with a thick diaper peeking out. She wouldn't have to make decisions if she'd just surrender to me. She could have her favorite things, she could throw all her cares away - all I wanted was her.

                    "How do I look?" she asked, adjusting her round blue-tinted shades on her nose.

                    "You look stunning, as always," I smiled. She blushed, turning her toes inwardly as she twined her fingers together. "You should wear the chunky stone necklace - the light blue one."

                    "Oh you're right!" she grinned, rushing back to the bedroom. "It's perfect!" She called before running back to me, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I couldn't help myself, I pulled her close and held her tight, planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

                    "You're perfect," I whispered, caught up in the moment, my mind entirely elsewhere.

                    "What?" she asked, pulling back.

                    I was stunned at my complete lack of control. I wanted her so badly, I wanted to chase away all her hurts, help her heal all her damage. I wanted her to be mine, to be getting ready to go out with me and not him and for the briefest moment, I had let myself live that fantasy.

                    "You're perfect," I doubled down. "You're beautiful and smart and wonderful and kind, Danielle. I'm very glad to be in your life."

                    "Wow," she blushed. "I really appreciate that, Vanessa... but I'm far from perfect and we both know it." There was a sadness in her eyes as she said it - she couldn't see herself the way I could, she could only see the parts she didn't like, she couldn't see how even those "imperfections" made her perfect.

                    "I'm sorry," I gave the smallest sigh with a wistful smile that said 'I will always be here for you'. "I hope I didn't make you feel awkward before your date. I hope you have a really great time."

                    "Yeah," Dani agreed, slipping in for a tight hug. I held her close, breathing in the scent of her hair before she pulled away. "Me too."



                    Chapter Twenty-Two

                    Sure enough, Dani's phone went to an Italian restaurant in Santa Clara. She was apparently good at predicting Julian, but bad about being honest with her feelings. And I wagered that he couldn't tell.

                    I could tell.

                    I could tell when Dani was going along with something, as compared to when she was genuinely pleased by it. She had a wiggle, a dance, a joy that couldn't be physically contained. She was delightful and I missed her already. I sighed, streaming the location feed to the television. It was stupid to watch her sit in place, to just watch a dot on a map that wasn't moving as I imagined her suffering through a meal she didn't enjoy with a man who would never understand her true nature?

                    How could he? He was a vanilla.

                    I had watched his show - know thy enemy - and he was a generally nice, pleasant person who played mostly digital card games. But he screamed male privilege - sitting there in his chat room joking about the cards without being hounded by countless fans to "show off the goods."

                    I took a deep, cleansing breath - there was no sense in being bitter. I was more irritated that she was out to dinner with him than anything else, when she should be here with me.

                    Doing the right thing was hard.

                    I ended the tracking signal and dialed up Seth instead, needing to take my mind off of Dani.

                    Apparently, Seth kept his set on auto-answer as well, it rang for a moment as it connected and I was greeted with the image of Jess' back - she was wearing nothing but a pink diaper, her head thrown back and moaning like a banshee as she sat in Seth's lap, grinding on him and apparently a Hitachi wand at the same time.

                    Unfortunately, before I could disconnect, Seth noticed me.

                    "Um, hi Vanessa," he waved around her.

                    "Ohmygod," Jess screeched, diving under the coffee table. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing, covering my face with my hands. "Nessa? Are you... laughing?" Her head poked up from underneath the coffee table, her blue eyes peering with the rest of her face hidden. I only laughed harder.

                    "There's a sound I haven't heard in a while," Seth began laughing as well, flipping off the Hitachi and pulling a blanket off the back of the couch and tossing it to his Little. "I assume Dani isn't home?"

                    "Thankfully no," I managed after I got my guffaws under control - I needed that. "We should probably both take our vidchats off of auto-answer, huh?"

                    "Yeah probably," Seth chuckled, reaching down and pulling a very blushy, blanket-wrapped Jess into his lap. "It's okay Cupcake, you don't have anything Vanessa hasn't seen, and Dani isn't there."

                    "Hi Nessa," she squeaked, grabbing a stuffed tiger from the couch and holding it close, covering her chest. She was pleasing to look at and honestly, after all the bratting I had put up with from her, I was enjoying the show. "I like your laugh."

                    "Look how cute she is," I teased, bringing even more color to her cheeks, "Are you wet yet, little girl?"

                    "Nessaaaa," she squirmed, burying her face in the stuffed animal before peeking around it. "You didn't tell me Dani was pretty."

                    "Pretty sure I did," I smirked, relaxing on the couch.

                    "Not that pretty, Nessa - she's really, really pretty. Much prettier than- "

                    "Cupcake," Seth cut her off.

                    "Is it fun living with her?" Jess recovered.

                    "It is," I smiled a warm, genuine smile. It really was - Dani was a great roommate and having her around was amazing.

                    "So," she grinned, "How long before she's in diapers and I can play with her?"

                    "Cupcake!" Seth groaned, flipping the woman over his lap until she was face down, hanging halfway off the couch and laughing like a loon.

                    "I'll let you two get back to it," I rolled my eyes and disconnected the call. I wanted more than anything to be able to play with Dani that way, to grab her and hold her and for her to be vulnerable with me the way Jess was for Seth. I sighed softly, the smile still on my lips as I checked my phone - she was still at the restaurant.

                    It was going to be a long wait.

                    * * *

                    I checked my phone nervously. I had left Vanessa eight text messages and two voicemails, but she wasn't answering.

                    And I was scared.

                    Not in the fun way - actually scared. Aubrey was taking the Little game far too seriously, and bleeding after a spanking was terrifying. I was honestly afraid of disobeying her at this point and it wasn't fun any more. I wanted some time out of the diapers, some time to just go out and party... it felt like all my time was spent either at work or doing chores around the apartment.

                    Sure, it had never been this clean before - even I could admit that, but what was the cost?

                    I soaked in the bathtub, the warm water soothing my bruised backside - the bruises were pretty bad on the backs of my thighs and my butt. I almost cried when I saw them in the mirror. I had fantasized once or twice about Aubrey being my mommy before, but now that she had... I didn't want it. I wanted Vanessa more than ever - sweet, kind Vanessa who always listened to safewords and always cared about how I felt.

                    Vanessa had given me some pretty intense spankings, she had made me bleed before, but when it was over she always soothed me. She always whispered to me that it was done, that she still loved me... she cleaned up my ouchies and rubbed lotion on me and made me a hot cocoa. Cocoa always made me think of Vanessa.. so did the cocoa-scented soap that sat next to the tube.

                    I needed Vanessa more than ever but I couldn't reach her. I just had to keep hoping that she'd listen to the messages, that she'd hear me and come help. I didn't know what else to do... there was no way I could ask Aubrey to call Vanessa for me.

                    Maybe if I can get a hold of her phone, I pondered, then I could message her to call me...

                    My blood froze as I heard her key in the door, heard her walk through the apartment. I sank deeper in the water, wincing as the movement caused the bruises to hurt again as the warm water swirled around me.

                    "Kailee?" she called. I winced. Did I remember to close the kitchen cabinets? Did I remember to put a new bag in the garbage can? Aubrey had bought a new paddle on Amazon after her wooden spoon broke during a spanking - the new one was silicon and it hurt.

                    "Here Nanny," I responded, hoping she decided not to come into the bathroom...

                    "I expect you to be diapered immediately after your bath," she said from the doorway, looking down on me.

                    "My bottom hurts, nanny," I whimpered. "Please can I just wear panties for a while?"

                    "No no, little puddle pants," she teased. I couldn't help feeling a rise from her words, I hated how much I wanted to be taunted this way, how good it felt even though it really shouldn't. "You have had a wet diaper every day for two weeks, there's no way you're getting out of them tonight. And if you don't want your bottom to hurt, just do your chores."

                    "Yes Nanny," I agreed meekly.

                    "Did you order yourself another case of diapers? We don't want you to run out, after all."

                    "No Nanny," I whimpered. "I haven't gotten paid yet and- "

                    "Diapers will be your first purchase from that check, do you understand me?" I jolted upright in the bath as I heard the sound of the silicon paddle slap into her open palm. "You're not going without them for quite a while."

                    "Yes Nanny," I squeaked. "Please don't spank me, my bottom hurts... "

                    "Then don't give me a reason," she retorted before leaving the doorway.

                    I sank back into the bath... realizing that I had gotten exactly what I wanted, and now I didn't want it.

                    * * *

                    I marveled at the clean apartment - the countertops were clean, the garbage was taken out, the dishes were put away. I'd been rooming with Kailee for years and it had never been this nice. The laundry was all put away - I even had her doing my laundry now. Though I confiscated every pair of panties she owned as I found them. I had her wearing her diapers under her work clothes now. She got exactly what she wanted - a stern nanny who made her behave and made her dependent upon diapers.

                    And man, she went through a lot of diapers, especially since I made her use them for everything except crapping.

                    Although, I bet she would enjoy it if I changed that rule. I decided to give it more thought later. For now I just relaxed for a moment, enjoying how very open the apartment felt when it was clean. Everything was aces for me, Benny had kept his job, I had my own personal slave who wanted to be paid in spankings, and even though it was a little draining, Kailee was becoming a better person.

                    Maybe next week, I thought, I'll let her out of diapers - she keeps asking to stop, but I'm pretty sure it's just because she wants me to make her wear them. Oh, I know - at the end of next week, I'll revoke all of her toilet privileges and then the following Monday, I'll give her what she's asking for. I'll let her out of diapers then, but if she wants back in them, she's never getting out of them again.

                    It sounded like a good plan.

                    * * *

                    When Dani came home, I knew something was wrong immediately. Her step had no spring to it, and she hung a small black leather purse on the hook by the door.

                    Pretending not to notice, I slid over to the entryway with a small, rectangular plate in hand.

                    "Hey there, sweet girl," I said gently, holding the plate out. "I didn't think you'd be very hungry, but I thought I'd grab this for you." Arranged on the plate was the most ridiculous roll I could order from the nearby sushi restaurant - six pieces comprised of cooked shrimp and crab meat, topped with salmon and peanuts of all things, in a cream cheese frosting. It looked horrible to me, but it brought a smile to her face... a sad smile.

                    "You got me a roll?" she asked with her wistful smile, "Oh, is this the Apple Jack? Thanks, Vanessa... I really wanted to try this one."

                    I led her around the couch and guided her gently to a sitting position as she popped the first piece in her mouth.

                    "Mmm, it's still warm," she said as a grin spread slowly across her face and her eyes rolled back a little. I had obviously chosen well, at least - it was still warm because I had been tracking her position and I knew exactly when she would reach the apartment. I held a glass of ice water for her while she ate the sushi, offering the straw to her lips when it looked like she might want a drink and dabbing at her chin when she dribbled some of the icing.

                    She finished the roll with a contented sigh, setting the plate gently on the coffee table and taking the water. I decided it was a good time to broach the subject.

                    "Where's Forrest?" I asked gently, "Did he run off chasing a lady-squirrel?"

                    "No," she smiled, amused. But it faded quickly. "He's in the car... I moved all my stuff into the new purse that Julian got me today. Isn't it nice?" She was trying very hard, but I was frustrated on her behalf.

                    "Is it what you want?" I kept my tone smooth and even, non-judgmental and non-threatening.

                    "Yes," she lied. I could see it on her face, in her body language.

                    "It's okay if you don't," I nudged, "It's okay to like your squirrel-purse, it's okay to like cute things."

                    "But it's not, Vanessa," her emotions spilled over and she crumpled, tears streaming down her face. "It's not. Everyone wants me to move on, to grow up. Julian... Julian bought me this new purse to help. It was very kind of him."

                    I couldn't take it any more. As her breathing became more erratic, as she worked hard to fight the tears, I reached over and pulled her into my lap, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly.

                    "I can't agree," I whispered. "Because it hurts you, and anything that hurts you doesn't seem very kind."

                    "It's just a stupid purse," she choked back a sob.

                    "It's so much more," I countered. "It's your innocence, it's your joy. It's your childlike wonder. These are the things that drew me to you, these are the things that mean 'Dani' to me. Not some high-powered project manager, a compassionate soul who cares about the feelings of others and wants to express herself in cute ways. It's not just a stupid purse. Forrest is your friend." She broke down in earnest at this, sobbing into my shoulder as I rocked her gently.

                    "I need to put away childish things," she said when she was finally calm again.

                    "Not if they make you happy," I replied, giving her a squeeze. "If they make you happy, I think you need more childish things. More stuffed animals, more cuteness and wonder."

                    "That sounds nice," she sniffled. "Thanks Vanessa, you make me feel happy."

                    I squeezed her again, holding her close.

                    "I hope I make you feel little and protected," I whispered, laying the bare truth down for just a moment.

                    "You do," she agreed. "And it's nice."
                    Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

                    Here's a list of my other stories!

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                      #40
                      Wow!!! so many chapters!! You are absolutely amazing 0.0 !!! The scene with Aubrey felt very uncomfortable. Everything about it is uncomfy. It is sort of nice to see her improving, but it is only because of abuse!! In the back of my mind though there are little whispers that say thing like 'but nothing else was working', 'what if this is actually what she needs to learn', and 'she kinda deserves it for everything she did to everyone else and involving them without consent, now she can feel what it's like to be exposed to stuff without consent'. Still, it is all wrong, and it hurts inside when I read it. I love how you made me feel this way.

                      Seth and Jess was lighthearted, and very refreshing. Not too much conflict, but it is safe and lovely.

                      Vanessa and Dani, I love how things are progressing. It seems to be going at a very natural pace, and does not seem too rushed. I like that.

                      Julian...HE IS SOOO MEAN AND I HATE HIM ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ!!! HOW DARE HE TAKE FORREST AWAY ٩(๑`^´๑)۶!!! IF HE EVER COMES ANYWHERE NEAR ME I WILL DO VERY BAD THINGS TO HIM!!!!! エエッ?工エエェェ(๑̀⚬⚬́๑)ェェエエ工!!! (ง’̀-‘́)ง

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Originally posted by Nim112 View Post
                        Wow!!! so many chapters!! You are absolutely amazing 0.0 !!! The scene with Aubrey felt very uncomfortable. Everything about it is uncomfy. It is sort of nice to see her improving, but it is only because of abuse!! In the back of my mind though there are little whispers that say thing like 'but nothing else was working', 'what if this is actually what she needs to learn', and 'she kinda deserves it for everything she did to everyone else and involving them without consent, now she can feel what it's like to be exposed to stuff without consent'. Still, it is all wrong, and it hurts inside when I read it. I love how you made me feel this way.

                        Seth and Jess was lighthearted, and very refreshing. Not too much conflict, but it is safe and lovely.

                        Vanessa and Dani, I love how things are progressing. It seems to be going at a very natural pace, and does not seem too rushed. I like that.

                        Julian...HE IS SOOO MEAN AND I HATE HIM ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ!!! HOW DARE HE TAKE FORREST AWAY ٩(๑`^´๑)۶!!! IF HE EVER COMES ANYWHERE NEAR ME I WILL DO VERY BAD THINGS TO HIM!!!!! エエッ?工エエェェ(๑̀⚬⚬́๑)ェェエエ工!!! (ง’̀-‘́)ง
                        I'm glad you enjoyed it - Aubrey and Kailee's arc is very dark, moreso than I expected. No one deserves the abuse that she's going through for any reason. It's supposed to hurt a little when you read it, thank you for letting it reach you. That right there is exactly why I write - to share these kinds of difficult and complicated feelings and to maybe talk a little bit about life and human nature. I realize that it's silly to try and have a deeper meaning in what is essentially fetish porn, but I do. It means a lot to me to craft these sorts of tales and share them, to make an observation about kink itself or the nature of man.

                        But it wouldn't mean a darn thing if no one read it, and it still doesn't mean much if no one tells me that they connected with it. So thank you. Thank you for telling me that it reached you - that's why I write, for that connection.

                        I'm very glad you're enjoying the story <3
                        Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

                        Here's a list of my other stories!

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Chapter Twenty-Three

                          I woke up early the next morning with an idea. I had found the bag Seth had stashed under my bed in the furor of Dani's initial arrival to my apartment, and now I was glad for it. I pulled out a pair of blue denim shortalls - the normal, non-locking kind - and a Tinkerbell t-shirt and put them on a hanger from my closet. Very carefully, I opened the door to the nursery and spied on Dani, looking adorable in the bed as she hugged her stuffed squirrel, Nutsy. I carefully hung the shortalls outfit on the hook on the back of the door and pulled the door closed, moving to the kitchen to prepare the next part of my idea.

                          My heart was beating a mile a minute when I heard the nursery door open. This was a baby step, but it was an important one. I needed her to understand that I was genuinely interested in nurturing that playful part of her, that inner child - to use the cliché. I plated her breakfast, drizzling syrup gently over it as I came around the corner of the counter, almost afraid to look.

                          There was raven-haired Dani, her green eyes looking nervous and uncomfortable... in a Tinkerbell t-shirt and shortalls. All she needed was a pacifier and she was like something out of my dreams. My breath caught in my throat as I set the plate down on the table and guided her gently to her seat, pushing in her chair for her.

                          "You made me chocolate chip pancakes?" she asked with a small gasp. Her eyes were watering, her lip quivering... oh no, did I overdo it? "Vanessa... are you making fun of me?" She blushed a deep red and my heart cracked. "I'm not a kid."

                          "I don't think you're a kid," I said quickly. My mind was racing, trying to think of ways to fix this - I wasn't as good in this sort of situation, which is why I planned so meticulously. If I already had a plan, it was easy to execute, but repairing a failed plan on the fly... I could feel despair grip my heart. "I just thought... I thought you wanted to be cute, I'm sorry." How? How could I turn this around? Why didn't I have a contingency plan for this scenario?

                          "You're really not making fun of me?" Dani sniffled.

                          "I swear to you that I'm not," I sat in the chair next to her, feeling out of control. I hated being out of control of a situation, it was uncomfortable. Dani was supposed to cheer at the pancake, to dig in and get messy, chocolate on her face and fingers. She was supposed to feel loved and valued, I hadn't anticipated her feeling mocked. "I just wanted to make you feel... accepted."

                          "How did you know that I secretly loved shortalls?" she asked sniffling. "Have you been spying on me?"

                          "Of course not," I lied - it was a half-truth, I had been spying on her but all Littles seemed to like shortalls, they were adorable. "I thought they would look cute on you."

                          "It doesn't look stupid?" she asked, tugging at a strap.

                          "I don't think it does," I assured her, nudging her plate closer. I stood, a little more shakily than I would have preferred, and fetched the bacon and eggs, serving her some and the rest to me. "I really like this look on you. Don't get me wrong, I love the stylish boho girl, but there's something really wonderful and carefree about this cute style."

                          "You... you really made me a chocolate chip pancake," she smiled, a smile of understanding, of caring. "Thank you."

                          "I hope you enjoy it," I said as I added salt and pepper to my eggs, before digging in myself.

                          When she was done, she was a chocolatey mess - she had gotten it all over her fingers and face. She laughed at the ridiculousness of the scene as I used a damp washcloth to clean her face and hands, smiling all the while.

                          "You really are a mom," Dani laughed. "Did you ever think about having kids? Adopting?"

                          "I like taking care of people special to me," I conceded. "But I don't want a life actually dependent upon me. I just don't think I'd ever be ready to give up my lifestyle," I left that intentionally vague.

                          "Seems a shame," she shrugged. "You're good at it - taking care of people, I mean. It's stupid, but you make me feel kinda like a kid when you did that."

                          "Does that make you feel unhappy?" I asked gently. My anxiety was on high alert, which was a surprise to me - I didn't realize how badly I wanted her. How badly I wanted her to fall into the role that I knew she so desperately wanted and needed but didn't know it.

                          She sat for a moment, pondering the question.

                          "No," she answered. "I don't think so - I mean, I feel a little silly wearing the shortalls in front of you, and I felt a little silly letting you clean my hands but... I dunno, it's nice? I mean, now that I know you're not mocking me. You're not mocking me, right?"

                          "I'm not mocking you," I promised. "I would like very much if we could cuddle on the couch and watch something together and just... be. Would that be okay, or would that be stepping too close to the romantic for you? I don't want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and I won't be upset if you say no. There is no wrong answer."

                          "I.. " she looked conflicted and I began to wonder if I had overstepped again, if I had undone all the progress we had made. "I think I'd like that."

                          * * *

                          Our cuddle session was beyond gratifying, just holding her in my lap. We watched Bob Ross on Netflix, Dani relaxing in my arms. I tried very hard to avoid making her feel pressured, I just wanted her to relax, to understand that I wasn't going to make any sort of move on her that she wasn't ready for. Our progression - or lack thereof - was entirely in her hands. I didn't want her to feel like she was betraying Julian, regardless of how badly I wanted to steal her away from him.

                          Seth's face taking over the TV surprised me - I had forgotten to turn off the auto-answer. My heart caught in my throat as I looked for Jess... she wasn't in view, thankfully. Dani jerked upright in my lap and stared wide-eyed at the TV.

                          "What happened?" she asked, reaching over and grabbing a blanket from beside me to cover herself.

                          "Hi Seth," I said, turning to Dani and adding. "I meant to change our video call software to not auto-answer his calls, but I forgot."

                          "Hey Vanessa, hey Dani - super sorry, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go to dinner tonight. It was cu... Jessica's idea. I suppose I should've texted."

                          "Did she say yes?" Jess' voice came from off screen, but it was getting closer. I scrambled for the remote, intending to turn it off before she showed off whatever delightfully adorable but wholly inappropriate outfit she had on, if any... when she flopped down on the couch next to Seth. She was wearing a white shirt under her pair of locking pink shortalls, thankfully her diaper wasn't visible. "Oh Dani!" she waved, "You're there too! Hiii! You're wearing shortalls too! Are you we- "

                          "Jessica," Seth cut her off before she could ask about diapers, "Where did you want to go again?"

                          "Oh, I don't know, Daddy," she shrugged. "What's Dani's favorite?"

                          "Sushi," I answered, "but I don't know if she wants it again so soon." I turned to look at Dani. "Would you like to have dinner with my best friend and his girlfriend? We'll go wherever you like, my treat."

                          Dani looked beyond uncomfortable - uncomfortable at having been seen in the shortalls, uncomfortable at being put on the spot in front of strangers, and uncomfortable making this decision. Our chill afternoon was going completely off the rails.

                          "How about we discuss it," I said to Seth, "And then I'll text you to let you know."

                          "Sounds great," Seth responded instantly. "I'll talk to you later, Vanessa!" And a split-second later, Bob Ross was back to his painting.

                          "Sorry," I began, hoping that she wasn't too upset by the unexpected interruption.

                          "Did she just call him 'Daddy'?" Dani asked. Shit.

                          I had a choice - I could come clean and possibly ruin everything, sending Dani out the door screaming and rushing for Julian's "normalcy", or I could dissemble and potentially lose her later when the truth inevitably came out. Jess was incapable of being adult around Seth for extended periods of time except under very specific circumstances. She was just so totally into her role that it was her. Jessica didn't exist anymore, there was only Little Jess.

                          "And he calls her Cupcake," I answered. "They live an alternative lifestyle - it's been good for both of them. He was far too high strung and she was burned out, they're much happier now."

                          "You don't think it's a little creepy?" she asked, then eyed me warily. "That's not what you want, is it?"

                          "I want whatever makes both of us feel happy and comfortable," I answered smoothly - I had gone through every permutation of this conversation I could imagine. I expected Jess to blurt out something or other that tipped my hand prematurely. I had contingency plans for this scenario, I was still well within my comfort zone. "I don't judge them for their lifestyle, I hope you won't either. Seth has been is a very, very good to me and I'm quite fond of Jess."

                          "You're... really kind and loyal, Vanessa," she laid a hand on mine. I could see she was conflicted, my only hope was that it was about her own desires. "Also, you video chat with your best friend randomly? That's awesome."

                          "I apologize for embarrassing you," I squeezed her hand. "I promise you that neither of them thinks a thing of it." I decided to turn off the auto-answer right there, just in case. "I'll understand if you don't want to have dinner with them."

                          "Jess seems a little... intense," Dani said delicately. "But if he's your best friend, you probably haven't been seeing much of him since you've been putting up with me... I'm sorry, I didn't realize how badly I'm disrupting your life."

                          "You're not," I soothed her. "You're not a burden, Dani. I am beyond thankful that you turned to me in your time of need, I feel like we've grown closer this past week and I wouldn't trade it for anything." I was pushing it here, pushing her boundary and it wasn't kind. It was difficult, but I was putting her in a bad position, making her choose to defend her boundary or not. "I'm sorry," I frowned. "I'm being too forward. You've been clear that you're with Julian and it's wrong for me to keep pressing, it's not fair to you. I'm sorry - I'm conten-"

                          My words were cut off by her lips being pressed against mine in a tender kiss. My arms found their way around her quickly, pulling her back to me, pulling her into my lap with each of her legs on either side of me. I held her lower back, kissing her deeply.

                          This was what I had been dreaming of this entire time - Dani, in cute clothing, kissing me. Showing me that vulnerable part of her, sharing her heart with me. I would never tell her she was wrong for her desires, I would never make her feel bad about herself.

                          Her lips were all I dreamed of.



                          Chapter Twenty-Four

                          Dani really hated making decisions about food. Once we had remembered how to breathe as individuals again, I had decided to press my luck and tell her that we were going to sushi. And she was delighted. As the plans were solidified - Seth and Jess would meet us in a place in Cupertino - I began to feel concerned that Jess wouldn't be able to control herself. It had been a close one with the video call, dinner could be flirting with disaster.

                          Dani had decided that the shortalls were too much for dinner and had gone with a maroon top and mid-thigh denim cutoffs with a patterned pullover and heavy bangles. She was back to her usual boho, and just as beautiful as the first night I had seen her. I felt sad that she was sticking with her traditional, adult fashion but it was wholly unsurprising given her embarrassed reaction at being seen by Seth.

                          "I figured you'd be sick of sushi," I teased her as we drove. Having her in my car was comforting as always, having her close where I could touch her if I wanted to.

                          "I mean... " she said, sounding unsettled, "We don't have to if you don't want to, you're probably sick of it."

                          "I'm not," I smiled. "I was only teasing. We can eat there again tomorrow if you really want. I enjoy the food, but I enjoy the company even more."

                          "Thanks Vanessa," she blushed, looking Little to me even in her stylish outfit. "You make me feel good."

                          "My goal," I said gently, "is to make you feel like a princess."

                          She liked that.

                          Seth and Jess had somehow beat us there - they must have left as soon as I messaged to have gotten there so quickly. Seth was in his usual blackest-of-black-black jeans and a button up shirt, his hair slicked back and generally looking very together. Jess was a stark contrast, a riot of color on her knee-length swing dress, sleeveless and covered in flowers and butterflies. Her long blonde hair fell loose around her shoulders and her only tell was the tiny pacifier-shaped charm around her neck... and the Daddy's Girl bracelet on her left wrist.

                          "Seth," I greeted him, giving him a small hug as he stood. "Hello Jessica."

                          "Hi hi, Nessa," she bubbled, causing my heart to sink just a bit. This is a terrible idea, I thought, it's all going to blow up in my face.

                          "You two remember Dani," I gestured to my date, who shook Seth's hand delicately. Jess' greeting was much less subtle, she glomped Dani, hugging her tightly.

                          "Dani Dani," she grinned. "You changed out of your shortalls, you were so cute!"

                          "Jessica," Seth took her shoulders gently and guided her to her seat. "What mistake did you make?"

                          Her eyes widened and Dani shifted uncomfortably. My heart didn't feel like it was beating at all, like it was stopped dead in my chest.

                          "I'm not supposed to hug people without asking," she answered quietly. "I'm sorry, Dani."

                          "It's okay," Dani waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, before sitting down. Of course she'd ignore it, she let Julian walk all over her boundaries, why wouldn't she let Jess? "I forgive you. Do you like sushi?"

                          "I do!" Jess beamed, snapping out of her somber moment instantly, "But not the ones that Nessa and Da... Seth like." She saw Dani as another Little already, she was struggling to keep to their vanilla rules. "I like the battered and deep fried ones, they only like the boring rice and fish."

                          "Me too!" Dani gushed, pulling the menu open and pointing to the most bizarre roll I'd ever seen - it was a variation on the relatively common caterpillar roll... but they'd actually added a head to it. It looked like it would be a cacophony of flavors. "I want this one."

                          "Ooo," Jess breathed as Seth and I sat down. He shot me a knowing smirk, which I returned. "Oh, if I get this one," she pointed to a picture of a roll that was actually shaped like a flower, this place apparently went even more non-traditional than most, "will you trade me some of your caterpillar?"

                          "I love sharing sushi," Dani laughed, the awkwardness between the two of them evaporating. "You pick three and I pick three?"

                          "Okay!" Jess giggled, grabbing a menu herself and staring at the pictures.

                          Seth's smile was wide and beaming and I finally started to relax, letting the smirk linger on my lips. Maybe this dinner was going to be okay after all.

                          * * *

                          The two Littles trading sushi rolls had been adorable, while Seth and I were a stark contrast with our more traditional meal. Watching Dani instruct Jess on the proper way to use chopsticks was worth the price of admission... I had tried to explain it several times, Seth had tried to explain it several times, but Dani - somehow - managed to correct her in a fun and cute way that Jess actually accepted.

                          I had to shoot Seth a look to get him to close his gaping mouth.

                          "You know," Dani said, "I wasn't sure about you at first, Jess. You're really intense, but I like you. I feel like we should have been friends for a long time already."

                          "Me too!" Jess laughed, "Everybody was so afraid that I'd say something stupid and- "

                          "Vanessa Evans," the voice came from behind me, off to my left. I could tell by the look on Seth's face that I had gone pale. I heard the footsteps approaching.

                          "Hi Lauren!" Jess beamed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning, and there she was. It had been less than three months since she tore my heart out and left it bleeding on the ground, and there she was. She wore a pair of faded and ripped blue jeans with a t-shirt from some cartoon I didn't recognize... and a look of anger and disgust on her face.

                          Why now?

                          "Hi Lauren," I echoed. "I hope you're doing well."

                          "Do you really?" she asked sharply - she had cut her hair since we split, the pixie cut suited her. She'd added an eyebrow piercing as well, and her makeup was much heavier than she used to wear it, a dark burgundy to her lips and heavy eye-shadow. "Is this your new girlfriend?"

                          "Look," Seth began, attempting to be the diplomat, "I know you're really upset, but this isn't really an appropriate- "

                          "Appropriate!?" Lauren snapped. Dani shifted uncomfortably beside me. "You want to talk to me about appropriate?" She leaned in close, staring at Dani, "I know she's a really fucking good lay now, but it's a goddamn trap. She's just trying to pull you into her sick game. Next thing you know, you'll be tied to the bed and she tries to put a fucking dia- "

                          "Excuse me," Jess snapped, standing up. It was a voice I hadn't heard in a long time. Her tone dropped half an octave and there was a viciousness to it that sweet Jess didn't seem capable of. "You need to leave right the fuck now, Lauren. You have absolutely no right to- "

                          "I have every right to warn her next victim," Lauren snapped.

                          "Listen here bitch," Jess stepped around Seth, who was staring wide-eyed. She stood uncomfortably close to Lauren, fury in her eyes and on her lips. "You had a safeword. You used it. She stopped and you left. That's that. You were a kinky bitch before you slipped into her bed, Lauren. Just because you don't like the game doesn't give you the right to come in here and try to embarrass her. You need to get the fuck away from this table and away from my friend before I tear your eyebrow ring out and feed it to you. Got it?"

                          Lauren shrank visibly as we all sat in stunned silence.

                          "You can't talk to me like- " she attempted, but was cut off again.

                          "I'm being nice to you right now and giving you a chance to walk the fuck away before shit gets ugly," Jessica snarled. "Now. Fucking. Go."

                          Lauren slipped away without another word, without even looking at me. I was all twisted up in knots from the altercation - I had made myself vulnerable to that woman in a very real way, and all it got me was hatred. I felt wilted, worn, and shell-shocked. All of that faded away quickly as Jess collapsed into Seth's lap and began crying.

                          "What's wrong, cupcake?" he asked softly. "Why are you crying?"

                          "Because I was mean," she sobbed. "I didn't like it but I didn't want her to hurt Nessa and Dani... "

                          "That was... really intense," Dani said quietly. "You're such a sweetheart, Jess... I didn't think you had that in you."

                          "Neither did I," I agreed. "Thank you for standing up for me. You're a really good friend."

                          "Excuse me," a small man in a pressed white shirt and black slacks was standing at our table unexpectedly. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Your scene is disturbing other patrons."

                          "I'm very sorry," I said, embarrassed. "Let's pay and be on our way. Sorry that got uncomfortable," I said to my friends. "I'll take care of this. I'm really sorry."

                          Jess was still sobbing as Seth led her out - it was so strange how she had gone from bubbly adorable Jess to the fierce fighter we had witnessed... back to a Little girl, crying to her Daddy. Dani looked shaken. I paid quickly, leaving a good tip, before I wrapped my arm gently around her shoulder and walked us to the door. She seemed distant, disturbed. Seth and Jess were waiting outside.

                          "I'm really sorry that happened, Vanessa," he said softly, his arm still around Jess'. "It was a really good dinner until that happened."

                          "I- I really," Jess hiccuped, her arms both wrapped around Seth's waist as she leaned into him. "I really liked meeting you for real, Dani. I hope we can still be friends."

                          "Of course we can be friends," Dani assured her, "We had a lot of fun, we're not going to not be friends just because a crazy ex-girlfriend showed up and was a bitch."

                          "Good," Jess nodded sagely. She turned and opened Seth's car door and grabbed her ridiculous stuffed unicorn, hugging it tightly. "Sorry, I just needed her. Hugging this toy makes me feel better."

                          "No judgement," Dani shrugged. "I have a squirrel purse."

                          "Really?" Jess giggled, some of her sadness chased away, "Can I see?"

                          "He's... in my car, I'm using my backup right now. I'll show you next time we get together?"

                          Jess looked mollified and hopeful that Dani was considering a next time already. I was relieved. Lauren had pretty much laid it all out there, knocked the cards right out of my hands and onto the table.

                          "It really was nice to meet you, Dani - more than just in passing. Vanessa is a very special person to me," he smiled warmly, squeezing Jess as he spoke. "She'll take good care of you if you let her - she's a really caring person."

                          "I've noticed that," she smiled at me, warming my heart and chasing away some of that fear. "The three of you are not quite what you appear, are you?" She shrugged, "I guess maybe I'm not either."

                          "You looked cute in your shortalls," Jess said softly, still hugging her favorite stuffed unicorn. "I hope you like being cute as much as I do."

                          "Your shortalls were cute too," Dani blushed, taking a subtle step toward the car. She was uncomfortable, I didn't blame her.

                          Seth helped Jess into the car, we sat down in mine as well, and drive for home with a heavy, jumbled heart.
                          Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

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                            #43
                            Wow!!! I'm off the site for a few days and when I come back, theres a monsoon of awesome chapters posted by you.

                            So this story went from a nice easy read to an intense rush of emotions. I can't believe Audrey. I wanted to wack her outside the head hard enough to get her thinking straight again. It was really hard reading those scenes with her and Kailee. Though, I know some people experience these exact sort of situations when first starting in the scene. Inexperienced players don't get the rules and how delicate the game when playing.

                            I love the blossoming flower Dani is turning out to be. Vanessa is giving her water and nutrients in just the right doses to help her grow to be a healthy beautiful flower. Of course the world can't be controlled though. A storm like Lauren can come in and whip all those pretty petals off from her. Hopefully hurricane Lauren didn't destroy all that Nessa has grown in her time with Dani.

                            Thankies for posting!!!

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                              #44
                              Originally posted by LilPeaches View Post
                              Wow!!! I'm off the site for a few days and when I come back, theres a monsoon of awesome chapters posted by you.

                              So this story went from a nice easy read to an intense rush of emotions. I can't believe Audrey. I wanted to wack her outside the head hard enough to get her thinking straight again. It was really hard reading those scenes with her and Kailee. Though, I know some people experience these exact sort of situations when first starting in the scene. Inexperienced players don't get the rules and how delicate the game when playing.

                              I love the blossoming flower Dani is turning out to be. Vanessa is giving her water and nutrients in just the right doses to help her grow to be a healthy beautiful flower. Of course the world can't be controlled though. A storm like Lauren can come in and whip all those pretty petals off from her. Hopefully hurricane Lauren didn't destroy all that Nessa has grown in her time with Dani.

                              Thankies for posting!!!
                              In fairness, I let it fall behind. I had a bunch of chapters that I hadn't done the next pass of editing on, the pass I usually do before I post them.

                              And yeah, the Aubrey/Kailee subplot kind of snuck up on us, didn't it? I didn't expect it - Aubrey wasn't in my original plan for the story at all, but adding a best friend for Kailee wreaked havoc on everything... like characters do.

                              I love the flower metaphor <3 I'm glad you're still enjoying the story, it's been a slow burn
                              Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

                              Here's a list of my other stories!

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                                #45
                                Chapter Twenty-Five

                                "So you're like some kind of dominatrix?" Dani asked suddenly after several long moments of silence on the drive back to my apartment.

                                "What? No," I said, a little surprised.

                                "That woman said you tied her up," she explained. "Did you?"

                                "I have tied her up," I admitted, "with her consent."

                                "You're... into that kind of thing?" she asked, a small tremor in her voice. It was hard to determine exactly what it was in her voice, whether it was fear or a hidden desire. I could tell that my judgement was impaired by the altercation with Lauren. I was still shaken. "Like that Fifty Shades of Grey thing?"

                                "No," I couldn't decide whether to smirk or sigh, the damage that had been done by the misconceptions from that book was immeasurable - but it had put alternate lifestyles in the spotlight, even with its wrong and awful portrayal, it had pushed the idea of dominance and submission into the mainstream... and people who were interested could learn. "Not quite like that - it wasn't a very healthy picture of a relationship or of safe play."

                                "But like... you like that sort of thing? Hurting people?" It was fear. Dammit. I wanted desperately to pull the car over and to look her in the face and set her straight, but I couldn't - we were still five minutes from the apartment and this needed an answer now.

                                "No, Dani," I said sadly, "I don't like hurting people. I like the trust that comes with that sort of game, the feeling that my partner knows absolutely that I won't do anything to hurt them, that I can help her find her limits in a safe way. I messed up with Lauren," I paused for a moment, sighing, "I'm interested in a very special kind of connection, and she wasn't. I thought that she was and I was wrong, and she's still angry about it."

                                When I looked over, I saw only the back of her head, her raven hair shining. She was staring out the window as Cupertino passed by. Neither of us said another word until the car was parked in my spot at the apartment complex.

                                "I won't do anything like that to you without your permission," I promised quietly.

                                "Can you believe how mad Jessica was?" she changed the subject with a small laugh. "I mean, I don't know her very well but damn - I didn't see that coming."

                                "Honestly, I've known her for a couple of years now and I've never seen her do that before," I shrugged. "It's pretty out of character for her, she's a very... " I searched for the word. Quiet certainly didn't describe Jess. Neither did non-confrontational, she could brat with the best of them. "Friendly person."

                                "It's kind of cute the way she calls you Nessa... and Seth 'Daddy'. It's almost like she's an overgrown toddler," she laughed, obviously amused with the absurdity of her statement without realizing how very close to the truth she was. "That really creeped me out at first, but she's so genuine. Seth really, really loves her. They're a cute couple. I hope to have something like that someday."

                                "Me too," I smiled, though I was talking about something different.

                                "So," she asked nonchalantly as I reached for the door handle, "is that why there are bars and a plastic sheet on your guest bed?"

                                I stopped cold.

                                Shit. I forgot about the plastic sheet.

                                "If you don't want to sleep there anymore," I offered, "we can figure something out."

                                "It is!" she laughed, "Do you want to tie me to the bed, Vanessa?" Suddenly it felt stiflingly hot in the car, and her hand was cool on my arm. "Oh my god! You're blushing! I didn't know you could blush." Her laugh was gentle, loving, not mocking at all. My face felt hot - I wasn't used to this situation, to not be in control of the direction of the conversation. So many situations had occurred with Dani that I never expected that it was hard to keep contingency plans at all. "Come on and teach me the ropes," she teased gently, her voice a purr.

                                The time between the car door and the apartment door was a blur, I didn't remember saying a single word - but as I stood in the guest room with Dani, my heart pounding in my chest as she sat on the crib-turned-daybed's mattress and stared up at me.

                                "So how does this work?" she asked. "You just... tie me up?"

                                "No," I said finally, sitting down next to her. "First we discuss safety."

                                "What?" she blinked, turning toward me. "Well that's not sexy at all," she laughed.

                                "Maybe not," I chuckled in return, the tension broken for a moment, "but it's important. You see, the words 'no' and 'stop' don't have the same meaning when you're playing. If you say 'no', we don't want to stop for me to ask whether you really mean it."

                                "Oh," she said, realization dawning. "Wait, you mean you won't stop if I ask you to?"

                                "Of course I will - but we need to decide on a couple of words that really mean stop while we play. The standard ones are 'yellow' for 'this is getting to be too much for me, we need to slow down' and 'red' for 'stop, I do not want this'."

                                "So if I say 'red', you'll stop no matter what?" she asked.

                                "Exactly - that way you can get a thrill, if you want to, out of begging me to stop while still being perfectly safe. If you really need to stop, you have that power. And if anyone - if you're playing with someone else - ever refuses to honor your safeword, you break contact with that person. They're not safe."

                                "That's what Jessica was talking about," Dani said, though it was still weird for me to hear Jess' full name instead of a cutesy nickname for her. "When she said that other woman used her safeword."

                                "Exactly - Lauren didn't like how I wanted to play, so we stopped. Are you sure you want to try this? We don't have to - we have other ways to explore- "

                                "I want to," she said suddenly, "I... I've always been curious about this sort of thing and I trust you... so... how do you do this?"

                                "Well," I smiled, a warm smile that I let slip into just the tiniest bit predatory. "You wait here and close your eyes."

                                I pushed her gently back on the bed as she closed her eyes, stepping to my room to retrieve a simple pair of cuffs and a length of cord with carabiners on each end. Just this would be a nice introduction, nothing too intense. I had never been deep into the BDSM game, I only had basic toys - most of my gear was about making my submissive feel small, not necessarily restrained.

                                Dani still had her eyes closed when I returned, her breathing quick and shallow, her arms trembling ever so slightly. I traced a gentle finger down her arm before reaching her wrist, gently slipping the first soft pink cuff around her wrist and buckling it - I didn't make it too tight, but it would feel secure, inescapable. I didn't bother with locks, she was too new. Once the other cuff was secure, I pulled her hands above her head, threading the cord through the bars of the crib and clipping it to her cuffs.

                                "There," I said softly, breathily, "you won't be going anywhere now. How do you feel?"

                                "Silly," she giggled, "what am I supposed to feel?"

                                I slid my hands down her body in response, tracing from her neck, across her collarbones and down the tops of her breasts, sliding my fingers down the sides and toward her shorts. I leaned down, pressing my lips to her thigh while holding her hips tightly between my hands. Slowly, gently, I dug my teeth into her flesh ever so slightly, a gasp coming from her. I heard the carabiner click against the D-rings on her cuffs and I grinned. I slid my tongue toward the hem of her shorts sliding a hand down and up one leg, invading her denim cut-offs and dragging my nails across the tender flesh where her bottom met her thighs.

                                I pinched her slightly, enjoying the sudden jerking of her body.

                                "Hey!" she gasped, "That's not nice!"

                                "So stop me," I teased, biting her thigh again and drawing forth a soft moan. "Just take me by the hands."

                                "I can't!" she protested, squirming as I stood and climbed on top of her, swinging one leg over and straddling her. I leaned back and reached behind me, dragging my nails up her bare legs, enjoying the feel of her soft, smooth skin as I did. I hadn't spent nearly enough time on her legs, her skin was silky-soft and she moaned again, long and low - I had definitely not paid enough attention to her legs.

                                "That's the idea," I laughed softly as I leaned forward, taking a breast in each hand. I squeezed gently as I came in for a kiss, pressing my lips softly to hers. "And this is how we start."

                                "I like this start," she grinned, tugging at her bonds. "I can see the appeal."

                                "There's a lot more to come, my sweet princess," I smiled down at her, with a very predatory smile this time. The grin that spread across her lips warmed my heart - she really did like that nickname.

                                And I liked my princess.

                                * * *

                                I crept softly through the darkness. It felt so strange to be completely without a diaper after being trapped in them for so long, but I needed to be quiet - if Aubrey caught me she'd be mad, but the crinkle made it more likely that she'd catch me. Vanessa wasn't answering my calls or texts, but maybe she would answer Aubrey's number? She seemed to come around when Aubrey threatened her. I pushed the door to her room open slowly, wincing at the creak that came from the hinges, my heart seizing in my chest.

                                Aubrey's soft snore still came from her bed. I tiptoed over toward her - she always charged her phone in the same spot, on the nightstand next to her... I took it quietly, slipping back out of her room and going to the couch.

                                I found Vanessa's contact info - it was under Terminator - and read through her messages. They were all short and to the point... I couldn't pretend to be Aubrey and send a message like this, she wouldn't understand that I was in danger.

                                I needed her help. I needed my mommy.

                                I couldn't go to the cops, the diaper thing was too humiliating. I had pushed away most of my other friends, and my co-workers didn't even really like me. Aubrey was all I had... so Vanessa was my only hope.

                                I dialed her number and prayed for her to answer... but it went to her voicemail.

                                "Vanessa," I begged after the beep, "It's Kailee. I know I don't deserve it, but I need your help. Aubrey's gone crazy, she's beating me... it's not fun any more, and she won't stop. Please. Please Vanessa, I don't know how to make her stop."

                                I barely stopped myself from crying as I hung up the phone, hoping against hope that Vanessa would listen to my message and come to my rescue. I knew she hated me now, I didn't deserve help... I deserved what Aubrey was doing to me. I moved back into Aubrey's room, holding my breath as I stood next to her and plugged her phone in, trying to make sure I was putting it in the same spot.

                                But I hadn't expected the phone to light up and chime when I plugged it in - mine didn't do that.

                                Aubrey's eyes opened slowly, but she sat bolt upright when she saw the phone in my hands.

                                "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

                                "My phone is dead," I lied, "I just wanted to... "

                                "So you snuck into my room to take mine?" she growled, grabbing me by the wrist. I yelped as she tugged me off balance, sending me crashing to the bed... and my butt up in the air. Agony flared on my bottom as her hand came down on a spot that wasn't even close to healed. "and you're not wearing your diaper? Oh that's it, you're losing all toilet privileges as of right now."

                                "No," I begged. I hated messing. I loved the feeling of doing it, but even Vanessa hadn't liked cleaning up after it. It wasn't fun and it wasn't pleasant. "Please Aubrey!" Her hand impacted again and I collapsed, I couldn't take it any more. I curled into a ball as she hit me, "Please stop... please." I had stopped trying to safeword, it only made her madder.

                                "Listen to me, Kailee," she snarled. "You're not going to wear any clothes around the apartment any more, got it? And I catch you using the bathroom, I swear I will make you regret it. This is nothing in comparison. Do you understand? Say 'yes Nanny'."

                                "Yes Nanny," I sobbed as she grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me to a standing position. She didn't release her grip until she shoved me onto my own bed in my room, throwing a folded diaper at me.

                                "Put it on," she ordered

                                "Yes Nanny," I whimpered as I unfolded the diaper, laying it under me and pulling the front up between my legs. This used to be the best feeling ever, the feeling of a fresh diaper being taped on, but it wasn't fun any more. Aubrey had ruined it and I didn't even want to look at another diaper. Once the tapes were secure, I looked up at her for approval.

                                "Actually," she said snidely, "Put on two."

                                She threw another one at me - she didn't seem to understand that wearing two diapers didn't really do anything without poking holes in the first one, but she didn't like being "argued with" any more, so I unfolded it as well, feeling the extra bulk as I taped it around me as well. It was going to be hard to sleep like this.

                                "Now thank me," Aubrey demanded. "Thank me for putting you back in diapers."

                                "Thank you Nanny," I sniffled. "Thank you for putting me back in diapers." I would have loved this if she cared, she was doing all of my favorite things but it just felt bad. She didn't care. She didn't care even a little bit, or she'd listen to the safeword.

                                "Let me know when you've shit yourself," she said, turning off my light and going back to bed. "And don't take it off."

                                "Please Vanessa," I whispered as I heard her climb back into her bed. "Please."
                                Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

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