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Breaking the Girl: A Novel

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    #76
    Originally posted by PeterRabbit View Post
    Huh. I'm a little curious how Vanessa could have gotten so much information about Lauren (reading texts, tracking, etc) without knowing she had a brother Julian or seeing any overlap between Dani's Julian and Lauren's Julian. I appreciate the story laying the foundation for Vanessa having no real info on Julian from either herself or Seth, but the impression one gets is that Vanessa's knowledge about Lauren was much more encyclopedic.
    Damn! You found a plot hole. I have no good explanation. I know how to fix it - if I change it so that Lauren calls Julian by his middle name or a nickname and that's how she always refers to him, it works. She did her initial research on Lauren (which would have included hunting for things like siblings) years ago, so forgetting a detail like that is believable... a legal name that never got used by her target.

    Vanessa got no first-hand information on Julian himself via research - Seth did it all, and Julian is a little better at protecting himself than Lauren or Dani... and Seth isn't quite as good as Vanessa at hunting. So Julian is a bit of a blind spot for her because of her trust in Seth. Seth never actually told her Julian's last name, which is all it would have taken.

    But it's not a common name and you're right, the name "Julian" would have been a red flag for her from the start.

    All I really need to edit is this chapter and work in a nickname/middle name and the plot hole is resolved.

    EDIT: I actually changed their relationship from siblings to cousins - you can still have that familial bond and it's much harder to see on paper. Thank you for your attention to detail!
    Last edited by bbykimmy; 08-02-2018, 09:04:14 AM.
    Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

    Here's a list of my other stories!

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      #77
      Chapter Thirty-Seven

      I barely remembered how I got to the hotel room - it had all been a blur. I was still in Milpitas, but I had disabled the tracking app she had installed on my phone. That hurt so much to think about. It hurt so incredibly much knowing that it had all been a lie. In my daze I was too gone to realize how my habit of cuddling my purse had saved me - Forrest had still been on me when I went to collect the box, I still had my ID and my credit card. I could pay for a hotel room, I could pull myself out of the situation long enough to think.

      If I could just remember how to think through the haze of raw pain.

      It hurt.

      I was sitting on the floor of the hotel room, just inside the door. The smell of strong cleaning agents and air fresheners lingered, so far from the scents of vanilla and candles that I was used to. That Vanessa had preferred. How deep was I in? I had thrown myself at her, I had fallen for her.

      I loved her.

      It felt like I was gushing from a gut wound, like Lauren had stabbed me in the stomach and I was slowly but inexorably bleeding out from a gash I could feel but couldn't see. I held my hands to my stomach as tears streamed down my face. I wracked my brain, trying to sift through the feelings of betrayal and the feelings of the deep love that I had for Vanessa.

      After long minutes, I called the only person I thought might understand.

      "Hello?" A flood of relief went through my body when Jess answered the phone - it was her number, but Seth's command over her was so complete, I could see him answering her phone under normal circumstances. They seemed happy but everything was jumbled and strange to me now.

      "Jess," I sniffled, wiping my face. "Thank goodness. Jess, I don't know what to do."

      "Dani?" she asked, surprised. I was deeply glad that we had traded phone numbers the last time we had gotten together, that night in her room. "What's wrong? What happened?"

      "It was all a lie, Jess," I sobbed. "It was all a lie!"

      "What was a lie?" she asked, her voice concerned. "What's going on?"

      "Everything! Our meeting at the coffee house, our first date, the gifts she bought me - it was all a lie!" The pain spilled out of me, the whirl of thoughts and insecurities. It hurt to breathe.

      "How was it a lie? I don't understand."

      "She spied on me, Jess! She hacked into my online accounts and read all of my private information. She studied me like a bug under glass, she installed a tracking program on my phone and was watching my every movement!"

      "Oh, that," Jess sounded... unsurprised.

      "Wha... you knew about it?" I asked, shocked. Betrayal upon betrayal.

      "Of course," she said with tone so casual it was infuriating. "She did the same thing to me when I met Daddy. She does the same thing to all of her girlfriends, she taught Daddy how to do it too."

      "But... Jess, that's wrong! It's wrong to spy on people, it's lying! It's taking advantage of their trust!"

      "I didn't understand at first either," Jess was saying, but I suddenly felt like I was talking to a creature from another planet. "Daddy and Nessa don't think the same as normal people. They're smarter than normal people. I'm not saying what they did was okay, but it's not like they use it to steal identities or take peoples' money. They just use it to find out what people like, what they're doing, the things that people are usually too afraid to tell each other. Communication is important, you know - but it's scary to open up to someone. And it's flattering to have someone spend so much time and effort on you, to learn your every want... "

      "You can't violate someone's privacy to get to know them better!" I shouted. It felt like I was the only sane person in a world of crazy. "Communication is important, but it has to be voluntary!"

      "Dani, you just spent a week learning how much fun it is when things aren't voluntary," Jess laughed.

      "That's not the same," I snapped. "It's still voluntary, she would stop if I used the safeword. It's still consensual. She violated me."

      "Listen to yourself," Jess said derisively. "Look, we're having a sleepover tonight. We'll talk it all over then. Daddy said he has a surprise and I can't wait to find out what it is!"

      "Jess... I can't stay with her. I can't trust her."

      "Of course you can - has she ever hurt you? Has she ever done anything except love you? Yeah, she's a little weird. Yeah, she's a little cold sometimes, but she's a good person, Dani. And she loves you. Where are you going to find another Mommy like that? Nobody is ever going to understand you the way she does."

      "Because she violated my privacy!"

      "You have to decide what's more important," Jess said. "Your privacy, or your love. You weren't going to have privacy anymore anyway, Dani! You're a Little! Even the condition of your underwear wasn't going to be private. Yeah, she probably shouldn't have hacked into your accounts. Yeah, she probably should have told you about it. I remember being really upset when I found out about it too... but Daddy's one-of-a-kind. I traded everything for him, and I'd do it again."

      "I can't... "

      "Think about it, Dani. Talk to Nessa, hear her side of the story. She loves you."

      "Goodbye Jess," I said, feeling weary, defeated.

      "I'll see you tonight!" she said cheerily.

      I felt like I was taking crazy pills. Jess had known about it the entire time. She had expected it. She had justified it all to me, hand-waving away a gross violation of my privacy like it was no big deal. Like I was the one who was in the wrong for not understanding Vanessa. Yeah, I was giving up a great deal of my privacy in my game with her, but I was doing that with my eyes wide open. It was my choice.

      I looked down at my phone, staring at it, nothing quite feeling real. I noticed the voicemail icon and tapped it, listening to Vanessa's message.

      "Dani. I'm sorry. But right now I'm worried about you, I'm worried about your safety. Please, let me drive you back home. If you want to leave me, fine. I don't want you to, but I won't stop you. I just want to know you're safe. I just want to know you're okay. I can't stop thinking about the possibility of you getting hurt and it's tearing me apart. Please Dani, call me back. Tell me where you are. I'm scared."

      She sounded genuinely worried, but could I even trust that?

      I rose, stumbling to the bathroom and vomited my lunch, not my figurative pain, into the toilet.

      * * *

      I searched Milpitas for an hour before I gave up. I had left four messages on her phone, trying hard to hide my panic, to show only concern.

      I was losing her.

      And I wanted to kill Lauren. The dual sensations of agony and rage were too much, and in defeat, I went home.

      The urge to get into her credit card account, to see if there were any new charges, was overwhelming. It would be so easy. I had left a hidden, secondary login on the account so that I would be able to gain access without the hassle of breaking in every time. Just a quick check, I would know if she was safe - if she had gone to a restaurant, if she had checked into a hotel, if she was still out there on the street - she didn't carry cash, if she had gone anywhere or done anything, it would be right there in her pending charges, telling me the exact address of where she had used it.

      But this was what tearing us apart. It was logical for her to feel betrayed by the invasion - she was never supposed to find out. It was a Mommy's job to know everything about their Little... but that was a lie I was telling myself. Part of me had always known that what I was doing was wrong.

      It just made everything so much easier. Anyone's details could be open to me with a little effort. Little bits about themselves that they might not think to tell - communication was hard, opening up was hard, it was so much easier to just read and connect the dots. I could get a much better picture of someone than they tell me themselves.

      Most people didn't even understand themselves - how could they communicate it?

      Feeling sick, I wandered to the nursery and set Dani's box down on the ground before laying on the crib matress, staring up at the ceiling.

      I felt like I was torn in two. Part of me, some deep part, was feeling awful for betraying Dani's trust, that this was all my fault, that I deserved it. Part of me was saying that everyone would get that kind of information if they had the ability, that it wasn't my fault the systems were insecure, it wasn't my fault that the information was there for the taking. Part of me thought that the crib needed a mobile.

      I was a jumbled mess as I lay there, trying to figure out what was right and what was wrong. Dani had been very hurt, and that meant I had done something wrong. But part of me said she just didn't understand - that if I could set her straight, the problem would go away.

      I was miserable. I felt like I was torn in two, arguing with myself, like the proverbial shoulder angels from the cartoons were having a screaming match in my head.

      I wanted a drink.

      But I wouldn't. I couldn't. I never, ever drank when I was angry. I never drank when I was sad. I had seen that addiction eat its way through my family and I wouldn't give it so much as a toe-hold on me. I needed to be sober in case she called... but that didn't mean the desire wasn't there. It would be so easy to slip to the bottom of a bottle, to drown all this away, this fresh pain - so much like Lauren leaving and yet so different.

      Dani had been so perfect. Laying in the nursery had probably been a mistake. Everything in here made me long for her, and she had barely explored the splendor that was the collection I had amassed over the years. So many outfits I wanted to see her in, so many toys for her to play with...

      I closed my eyes, just feeling the agony wash over me, pushing away all of the thoughts, unable to trust any of them.

      And I waited. Dani would call. Any minute, she would call. She was a submissive. All of her belongings were here. She would call, she would come home...

      To get her things at the very least. And I would get another chance - a chance to explain, a chance to convince, a chance to bare my bleeding heart to her.

      I loved her.
      Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

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        #78
        Chapter Thirty-Eight

        I ached. It had been three days since Dani left.

        I had thought about hunting her down so many times. I had so many unwanted paranoid fantasies of her dead, face-down in a gutter. She was my Little, I couldn't help but worry about her.

        Seth had offered to find her for me, to trace her credit card usage. He had told me that she called Jess, that Jess had confirmed everything. That she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what I had done. I couldn't be mad at Jess, she didn't understand. She thought she was helping. Lauren had been the one with malicious intent.

        I had turned him down. It would only make things worse.

        I had been tempted, sorely tempted, but I had turned him down. If Dani was ever going to trust me again, I had to let her come to me. I couldn't go finding her, that would only tell her that Lauren was right, that I was controlling and manipulative... but I didn't feel controlling or manipulative... I had done what I did out of love. Maybe not at first... but I had my reasons - I had to know before making myself vulnerable that she even had the potential to enjoy being Little.

        I hadn't done anything to hurt her.

        But I couldn't chase her. I couldn't find her. I couldn't swoop in and save her and cuddle her close and promise her that she was my perfect, beautiful princess and that I'd always love her.

        I had to give her the space to come back to me - and it was the hardest thing in the world.

        I had to hope she would.

        * * *

        I felt numb. I had been squatting in the hotel room for three days, too jumbled to go out, existing on delivered pizza and infomercials. I had called in sick to work. I had only really left once - to pick up a charger for my phone. I kept logging into my social media accounts to see if Vanessa had left any traces of spying on me, but I didn't even know what to look for. I hadn't caught wind of anything before. She had installed a tracker on my phone... but I never left it unlocked, not after the time Jenni had grabbed it to check the time and got greeted with a dirty picture of Elaine. She could have been watching me through the camera on my phone and I'd have no way of knowing.

        I spent the days obsessing, searching for information about spying girlfriends, spying husbands, what would lead a person to do it, trying to figure out the reasons why she had done it, what motivated her. When I closed my eyes, I could see Vanessa's face - the cold expression as Lauren revealed her sins to me. How she had just failed to react. There was no shame there, no remorse.

        I had been pondering that face for three days.

        Did she even love me? Did she ever love me?

        I pondered her other faces, her Mommy face, her gamer face, her friend face, her lover face. Were they all lies? Vanessa had stolen my heart more thoroughly than any partner ever before. She had become my everything, and now that my everything was gone, I was hollow.

        Some of my research into spying lovers had led me to psychology articles, and some of them pointed to this being a personality disorder. It was a hard pill to swallow. I didn't want to believe it - she matched so many of the symptoms... but there were so many others that were flat out wrong. She wasn't impulsive - she planned meticulously. She wasn't irritable or aggressive, she was very calm, collected, and gentle. I couldn't imagine her hurting me in anger. She wasn't irresponsible... she was an entrepreneur, she was honestly the most responsible person I knew.

        Some signs were unmistakable however - disregard for laws, deceitfulness and repeated lying. Lack of remorse.

        That was the one that haunted me. The stone face she had given when Lauren had revealed everything.

        What if that face was the true face? What if all the others were false?

        But I loved her. I loved her deeply and I hurt without her. I missed my friend, I missed my gaming buddy, I missed my lover. I missed my mommy.

        The last three days had felt so empty without her.

        But what if the articles were right? The general advice for someone in my situation was to run. To run and to never look back.

        It took me three days to sift through all the thoughts and feelings, half expecting Vanessa to come bursting through the door after hunting me down through computer trickery. But she never did. And the conclusion that I came to was that I had to try. I picked up my phone, watching my hand shake as I held it, but I didn't feel it - it was like the hand belonged to someone else.

        And I dialed Vanessa.

        "Hello?" she sounded worried. She sounded scared.

        "Hi," I said quietly.

        "Are you okay?" she asked. I had been expecting her to demand to know where I was.. but she was scared, she wanted to know I was okay. But what if it was an act?

        "I'm not okay," I said, a lump rising in my throat, "I'm not okay. I hurt so much."

        "I'm sorry," her voice cracked, like she was crying. I had never seen her cry before, never heard anything but calmness and happiness out of her. Even her voicemails were calm concern. It was jarring. "I'm so sorry."

        "I'm at a hotel in Milpitas - the Baymont," I said softly. "Will you come get me?"

        I checked out of the hotel, feeling scared, feeling worried - both that it wouldn't work out and that it would. There was something wrong with Vanessa. Something wrong in Vanessa. But it didn't change the fact that I loved her. That I was ready to take a chance... if she was ready to change. She got there quickly, before the doubts really had a chance to settle in, before I could talk myself out of getting in her car.

        As I sat in her passenger seat, as we sat in the parking lot of the hotel, I couldn't look at her.

        "I didn't run into you at the coffee shop by accident, did I?" I asked quietly.

        "No," she admitted. At least she was telling the truth. I'd probably believe her if she lied at this point. "I knew it was your regular stop and I waited there for you."

        "You already knew I liked the dumpling house we went to on our first date too, didn't you?"

        "You left a glowing Yelp review for it," she said softly. "I wanted to take you somewhere that I knew you'd like."

        "Our whole relationship is based on a lie," I whispered, feeling like I was bleeding all over again.

        "Not a lie," she said. "Not a lie. I had more information that you thought, but I only used it to get closer to you."

        "Don't you see how wrong that is!?" I turned in my seat to face her, fury rising inside me. "Can you even hear yourself? You only used it to get closer to me? That's something you'd hear a from a psycho in a thriller film, Vanessa!" She winced. I felt a pang of guilt in my heart.

        "But I'd never hurt you... "

        "You stalked me!" I wailed, my sadness and frustration pouring out of me, emotions I thought were drained and gone after three days of spiraling through them over and over. "You violated my privacy! You violated my trust! I thought trust was sacred to you? I don't understand how you could teach me all of these things about knowing myself, about loving myself, about boundaries and honesty and trust. And you were stalking me!"

        "I... " she stammered. I had never seen that either, not like this. She was always so sure, so confident. Her façade was cracking, and I could see Vanessa beneath it, vulnerable and hurting too. I wanted nothing more than to reach over and comfort her as she had comforted me so many times, this emotionally mature, together woman... but I felt peeled back and raw, I ached from the betrayal. "I was so afraid, Dani."

        "Afraid of what?" I demanded.

        "Afraid of getting hurt again. I didn't think of it as a violation, I thought of it as protecting myself. I had to know how likely you were to even want the things I wanted, to want to be my Little. Not everyone is suited to it, and it's so very important to me. I've been rejected so many times, I've been torn apart and discarded after I poured everything into a relationship, into forming a bond with someone I thought could be Little... I had to know if you would hurt me the same way."

        "That's not how you do it, Vanessa. Love hurts. You're going to get hurt. You have to be vulnerable, you have to run that risk. I made myself vulnerable to you, I trusted you."

        "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I did it wrong. I just needed to know... "

        "Are you sorry?" I demanded. "Are you? Or would you do it again? Are you going to do it to the next girl if I leave?"

        "Please don't leave," she begged. It was a sobering sight, the mighty Vanessa pleading. My heart hurt for her.

        "Why shouldn't I?" I sighed. "Why shouldn't I just walk out of your life and never look back? Are you going to hack my accounts to make me stay?"

        "No," tears were streaming down her face and regret bit me hard. "No, I would never hurt you. I won't stop you from leaving. I don't blame you for leaving. I'll miss you... "

        "Do you see that what you did was wrong?"

        "No," she admitted. "I see that it hurt you and that was wrong, but isn't it normal to try to protect oneself? I've been hurt so many times... "

        "And if you want to find love, you have to open yourself to that hurt again. And again. And again. It sucks, but it's part of being human."

        "I'm sorry, Dani. I'm so sorry... I think there's something wrong with me. What should I do? What do I do now?"

        She looked so lost, sounded so hurt. I had shattered her as thoroughly as the revelation had shattered me. She was shaking, tears rolling down her cheeks, her breathing ragged. I had never seen her so wounded, so destroyed. It was hard to look at, to see the woman who had been my Mommy so recently... so defeated.

        And I knew I loved her. I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone, and that's why it hurt so much. That's why it was so hard. Because no one had ever touched the core of me before, not in the way that she did. She was my best friend. She was my lover. She was my Mommy. She was all those things to me and everything in between, and so she had more power to hurt me than anyone else had ever had in my adult life. I had bared my soul to her, not knowing that it had begun on a foundation of mistrust and lies. And now, as it crumbled around me, I couldn't let go of that shining hope.

        Intellectually, I knew that the answer was to get the fuck out of there. To run and to never look back. To never have the name Vanessa on my lips again. I had all the resources I needed, I could stay in a hotel room for a few more nights, I could find a new apartment, I could keep going with my normal, vanilla life - I could go back to being what I was. But I couldn't. I had never had a relationship as deep as my love with Vanessa. I had never bound myself three ways to a person before, friend, lover, caregiver. She had taught me things about myself that I had never suspected. She had awakened parts of me that had been dormant my entire adult life.

        And I loved her for it.

        Her question echoed in my ears: What do I do now?

        "We get you help," I said. "We book an appointment with a psychiatrist and we talk about why you did the things you did. And we work through this. Together."
        Last edited by bbykimmy; 08-03-2018, 08:40:38 AM.
        Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

        Here's a list of my other stories!

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          #79
          Epilogue

          We hadn't seen Seth and Jess in what felt like an eternity. The shrink had wanted Vanessa to avoid all contact with people who had enabled her antisocial behavior. She hadn't liked that term - she maintained that she was very social, but that wasn't what it was about.

          Vanessa didn't care about rules, not when it came to furthering her goals. She had a hard time empathizing with others in some situations. The doc called it a "not severe" case and cautioned against a formal diagnosis on the grounds that it had the potential to harm her down the line and she was working towards fixing her problems, but it was there.

          I was in love with a sociopath. It may have been "not severe", but it was still a hard thing to deal with. It didn't mesh with my mental picture of Vanessa, and it was really hard to separate what had been an act from what had been genuine. I had almost left her three times during those first couple of weeks, but it had been three months since she started treatment and the doctor was pleased with her progress.

          It had been hard to give up the ageplay games we had loved so much, that had opened up the pathway between us, that had shown me a deeper love than I had ever known possible - but we had slowly reintroduced them. I had slowly gotten my Mommy back.

          Vanessa was still working but it was hard - her illness was part of what made her so good at her job, and creating mental boundaries around when it was okay to set aside her empathy and when it wasn't was very difficult for her. It was difficult for me to watch her struggle - and she did have empathy, she had a lot of it, but she had some serious childhood trauma I had never been aware of.

          I was glad I could be there to hold her hand while she worked through it.

          Slowly, we had built a new life out of the ashes of that day in Milpitas. My job was going great, I actually ended up easing us through a dry spell that normally would have forced Vanessa to take on non-Analyst jobs, like speaking engagements. We had connected again, first as friends, then as lovers, and when it felt safe, I had gone back to being her Little. It took the three together for our relationship to really feel whole. They bled into each other, and living without a piece of that magical triangle was difficult.

          But now the nursery was all back together and I was finally going to have that sleepover with Jess.

          We had repaired over the past month, I had really felt betrayed by the fact that she knew about everything that Vanessa had been doing. Putting that aside was hard, but I could see she needed help too. We started going out together, just the two of us. Sometimes we were diapered, sometimes we weren't. We'd go shopping, we'd go clubbing, we'd go hang out at the comic book shop - which was a thing I was really getting into - and she was starting to make entirely new friends as well. We had a few in common, and when the lot of us got together, it was a riot. I worried about Seth, however. He was having a hard time dealing with the fact that Jess wasn't wholly dependent upon him for mental stimulation.

          We kicked him out of the apartment twice a month and had a Littles party, just the two of us. I made out like a bandit because Jess was often the one who had to clean up after it.

          Next month they were supposed to take me up to this fabled club in the city they had mentioned so many times, which was supposedly opening a room just for Littles to play in. Our lifestyle seemed to be gaining more popularity as people found the joys of being Little.

          Even though I had seen both Seth and Jess many times over the past month, tonight was still a little scary. It was the first time all four of us had gotten together with the intention of playing. We had dinners together, but the lifestyle was always off limits as a topic of conversation - we ended up talking about movies, music, games... the things that vanilla friends talked about.

          I squeezed Vanessa's hand as she knocked on the door. I had butterflies in my stomach - I was going to be Little all night with my Mommy right there and my best friend to play with - Jess was my Little side's best friend by a mile - as long as she hadn't gotten herself in trouble.

          "Well hello," Seth greeted us with a smile. "Go on back to the nursery and get her changed." I was Little, he wasn't going to offer it to me. "Hello Dani-girl," he smiled, patting my head. "Are you going to be a good girl tonight? Cupcake is off to a rough start."

          "Mmmph!" the muffled call came from the living room and I peered around the corner to see Jess sitting on the couch, bound tightly in a pink straitjacket.

          "Jess!" I whined, "You were supposed to be good so we can play tonight!"

          "She failed," Seth shrugged. "Were you a good girl?" he asked her.

          She shook her head slowly from side to side.

          "I'm really cross with you," I fumed, though I wasn't really mad. Her big pink pacifier was tied in her mouth and her feet were up on the coffee table, her legs spread wide, showing off the thick pink diaper... which was surprisingly dry. I reached into the diaper bag Mommy carried and grabbed my blue paci, popping it in my mouth before climbing onto the couch - but taking it out to talk. "You were supposed to be extra super special good so we could have lots and lots of fun!"

          "Mmmph mmm mmmmph!" she protested behind the paci, waggling her head. She wanted me to take it out so she could talk.

          Like hell I was getting in trouble for her. Instead, I set into tickling her, my fingers digging into her ribs. And moving toward her armpits. Her eyes widened and Seth laughed behind me. I kept going until she was thrashing like crazy, panting and squealing behind the pacifier... I kept going until she wet herself.

          "I'm gonna go get changed like a good girl," I huffed, sticking my tongue out at her. "Into my cute chipmunk PJs!" I walked back over to Vanessa, flinging my arms around her neck. "May I please wear my chipmunk PJs, Mommy?"

          She was nervous, anxious. She hadn't been in this environment in a while. Our play at home had been similarly strained at first when we reintroduced it, but I knew she'd find her comfort zone quickly and dive back in.

          "Of course, princess," she smiled. "You're such a good girl, unlike some unruly brats that we know."

          "I'm trying," Seth shrugged. "But how do you correct a brat who loves her punishment?"

          Vanessa led me back to the nursery and stripped my clothes from me, laying me down and removing the diaper that I wore - I was pretty much always diapered on the weekends now, and some weeknights if I knew I didn't have an early meeting to rush off to. I slept mostly in our bed in the master bedroom... except on the weekends, where I was confined to the crib at night. Vanessa balled up my wet diaper and tossed it in Jess' bin before pulling out a thick Little Paws with a booster and taping me in before working my arms and legs into my pajamas, buttoning up the buttons for me and tying my hair into pigtails. She clipped my paci clip to the pajamas and looked at me with concern.

          "I'm nervous," she said. She was still sharing all of her negative emotions with me so I could help her stay grounded. They were a lot fiercer after she had dug up so much trauma from her childhood. "What if this triggers all of the things I've been working on?"

          "I'm proud of you," I told her, hugging her tightly. "If Seth wants to talk about the things that you've been working on, just tell him that you're not comfortable with that. He's your friend, he loves you. He'll respect your boundaries. If he won't, we'll leave and give him another chance later."

          "I love you so much," she said, kissing me softly.

          "I love you too, Vanessa."

          "I'm ready to be Mommy again," she smiled a warm, genuine smile. Her eyes lit up, though that hint of fear, that touch of sadness was still there. Facing one's demons - especially when you had let them drive for so long - was incredibly hard.

          "Well Mommy," I grinned. "Let's go pick on Jess. Where's Buttercup Jolly Hooves?"

          "Oh you're going to be a brat tonight then?" she smirked, grabbing Jess' very most favoritiest toy from the crib. "I'm sure she'll let you try out her straitjacket."

          "Actually," I laughed softly. "That sounds like a lot of fun. How much trouble do you think I'll have to be in before Seth suggests it?"

          "Let's go find out."




          Epilogue Two

          I would never fully understand Harvey's 'fursona', but he would likely never understand my Littlespace either. But we'd trade. I'd parade him around on a leash at his gatherings and he'd baby me at mine. It was a pretty big shock to learn that I was a switch after all that time - but I found genuine joy in fulfilling the dominant role for him, more than I had ever thought possible. It had taken a long time to work through the person that I used to be and the damage that Aubrey had done to me.

          I hadn't spoken to her in almost a year now.

          Harvey had saved my life. All because he had been Lucas' wingman and Lucas thought Aubrey was hot.

          It was funny how life worked out sometimes. Harvey had turned out to be a psychology student at Berkeley. He had been studying specifically on how to help the victims of abuse cope with their pain... it was kismet. He had been my life raft, and I had cut ties with Aubrey. He helped me find a place to stay in Berkeley while I got back on my feet, he helped me get a job working near the university, and after six months of dating, I moved in with him.

          It was scary to think about how close I had been to the bottom, how close I had been to death... and how wonderful things were now. He had helped me discover a caring, dominant side to my personality. He had helped me nurture it.

          He had helped me grow into a whole person.

          I wondered where Aubrey was from time to time. I wondered where Vanessa was. And some days it was hard to keep that part of my life behind me. I wrote them each lots of letters that I never sent, talking about my feelings, my regrets with Vanessa - how I'd been selfish and self-absorbed, how I hadn't valued what she had been offering... and my pain to Aubrey over what she had done to me, and how disappointed in myself I was for letting it get there. Harvey told me it wasn't my fault, that I had been doing the best I could with the resources I had at the time, that I had been sick.

          But it was difficult to shake that shame.

          I worried that I might never be free of it.

          But I was trying.

          And I was happy.
          Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

          Here's a list of my other stories!

          Comment


            #80
            Bravo. An amazing end to.an amazing story.

            Comment


              #81
              Well done! Every chapter of this story is a little gem, and the whole of it a work of art. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with your characters. I can't wait to dive into your other works. Thank you for sharing your work with all of us.

              Comment


                #82
                Beautiful! Can't wait to see what else you give us outside the Dimension if this is any indication.

                I'm surprised Dani didn't go to Jenni after running away. It seemed like you mentioned her in the preceding chapter to remind us of her existence just for that reason.
                Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

                Comment


                  #83
                  Originally posted by superfunnel View Post
                  Bravo. An amazing end to.an amazing story.
                  Thank you <3

                  Thank you for reading it and thank you for letting me know you enjoyed it, I appreciate it. Sharing this tale was a joy.

                  Originally posted by PoopyPants82 View Post
                  Well done! Every chapter of this story is a little gem, and the whole of it a work of art. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with your characters. I can't wait to dive into your other works. Thank you for sharing your work with all of us.
                  Thank you! I deeply appreciate the complement! I hope the characters made you feel some things, I hope they made you think about those feelings - that's always my goal: the feelings.

                  Please let me know if you end up reading any of my other work <3

                  Originally posted by TheOneWhoSees View Post
                  Beautiful! Can't wait to see what else you give us outside the Dimension if this is any indication.

                  I'm surprised Dani didn't go to Jenni after running away. It seemed like you mentioned her in the preceding chapter to remind us of her existence just for that reason.
                  Chekhov's gun had a blank there If this were professional work, that likely would have been trimmed - Dani was deeply, deeply hurt by Jenni's transformation into a person she didn't feel good being around. Think "Your Racist Friend" from the They Might Be Giants album Flood. Jenni is actually a person in my real life who was very, very deeply important to me during my late teens... and she transformed, by my late 20s she was a caricature of her former self. A Rush Limbaugh spouting, hate-filled racist and hanging out with her broke my heart...

                  Dani's Jenni was a way of me addressing that trauma in my life, the "death" of a relationship while the person yet lived.

                  So to Dani, running to Jenni was never an option - Jenni was functionally dead. But the ghost of that relationship lingered, a longing reminder of what once was but can never be again.

                  I didn't convey it as deeply in the story... I had a lot of other trauma to juggle for the tale

                  As for other tales outside the Dimension... I'll have a new one on Tuesday.

                  I hope I get lots of feedback on it while it's in progress, it's very very different. It's an Urban Fantasy novel written by an ABDL rather than an ABDL fetish story with an engaging plot.
                  Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

                  Here's a list of my other stories!

                  Comment


                    #84
                    Originally posted by bbykimmy View Post

                    EDIT: I actually changed their relationship from siblings to cousins - you can still have that familial bond and it's much harder to see on paper. Thank you for your attention to detail!
                    I should add I've really enjoyed all of your stories so far, both here and elsewhere, I just get so involved in reading that I forget to post to say it. I'm glad this was an easy fix for a small nitpick. A cousin relationship is much easier to believe that it was overlooked in the social engineering and research on Lauren and on Dani.
                    Be gentle. Thanks,

                    Peter Rabbit

                    Comment


                      #85
                      Originally posted by bbykimmy View Post
                      this is free erotica and so quality is not always guaranteed
                      It may also be erotica, but it's mainly a well written story. As for the guarantee, it may not be explicitly stated but "Author: bbkimmy" is its own implicit promise. This is quality.


                      Comment


                        #86
                        Originally posted by PeterRabbit View Post

                        I should add I've really enjoyed all of your stories so far, both here and elsewhere, I just get so involved in reading that I forget to post to say it. I'm glad this was an easy fix for a small nitpick. A cousin relationship is much easier to believe that it was overlooked in the social engineering and research on Lauren and on Dani.
                        Well thank you very much! It's always good to hear that my other stories are enjoyed too. This one was quite a departure from my normal DD fare, but I really enjoyed writing it and sharing it.

                        And your nitpick wasn't a nitpick, it was a major plothole that I deeply appreciate you pointing out. I'm embarrassed that I didn't catch it myself. I'm also glad it was an easy fix <3

                        Originally posted by BabyAnna View Post

                        It may also be erotica, but it's mainly a well written story. As for the guarantee, it may not be explicitly stated but "Author: bbkimmy" is its own implicit promise. This is quality.

                        Wow. It really means a lot to me that you consider my name to be an implicit promise of quality. I've always strived for a reputation of quality and reliability (the second one hasn't been the best track record, but finishing this one brings us back above a 50% completion rate). I really appreciate you telling me that this is exactly the impression you get.

                        Thank you for reading, and thank you for sharing your kind thoughts <3
                        Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

                        Here's a list of my other stories!

                        Comment


                          #87
                          Very well done! You did a great job with each character's plot, capturing different possible aspects of the dynamic and the feeling that go with them. I like that you added some erotica content to the story, not every story needs that but for this one it fit in well, just enough to let the imagination wander. I thought you handled the plothole well and hey that's the nice part of why we have a story forum anyway. Very much enjoyed reading, looking forward to checking out more. Best wishes!

                          Comment


                            #88
                            Originally posted by LilBecca View Post
                            Very well done! You did a great job with each character's plot, capturing different possible aspects of the dynamic and the feeling that go with them. I like that you added some erotica content to the story, not every story needs that but for this one it fit in well, just enough to let the imagination wander. I thought you handled the plothole well and hey that's the nice part of why we have a story forum anyway. Very much enjoyed reading, looking forward to checking out more. Best wishes!
                            Thanks Becca! I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for all the kind words, and I hope you enjoy anything else of mine that you find <3
                            Please, if you like my writing - leave a comment, they really do mean the world to me.

                            Here's a list of my other stories!

                            Comment


                              #89
                              Holy cow!!!! That was amazing. Couldn't put it down, read it all in one sitting!
                              There was a time when everything much simpler. I like to take a vacation from being grown up and revisit that place.

                              Comment


                                #90
                                Thank you for the story. Start reading the first chapter and after that could I not stop until I had finish it. Very exiting and emotional.

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