Elibean's Patreon

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

[Incomplete] Diapered in a New World: Chapter 1 Part 2 (Updated 20.7.2018)

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    [Incomplete] Diapered in a New World: Chapter 1 Part 2 (Updated 20.7.2018)


    Author’s Note:

    Hiya, former lurker here! I’ve always loved stories and light novels with the iseikai trope. Ya know, the ones where a copy paste male protagonist is somehow reincarnated/sent to another word set in a middle ages like civilization with different races, magic, ect. They usually have some OP ability or trait, build a harem, conquer the world and become a benevolent dictator... you get the drift. This story is basically going to have the same template, minus the OP-ness and with a bit more flavor -.^ Enjoy!


    _____



    -Volume 1, Chapter 1 Part 1: Processing-


    Ugh, I should have never accepted this job.


    Savros had been going through reincarnation requests for six entire days without break. It wasn’t as if these work hours were unusual, well not for hm at least, but he had been expecting something a bit more glamorous. He was a God’s Familiar after all, but the work he was given seemed like that of lowly support staff. Thankfully he only had one more request for the day.


    “Okay okay, let’s see what we have here…early death, tragic accident.The request meets enough requirements, bring them in.”


    _____



    Alan Conway had been waiting in this hallway for the last 2 days. When he had first arrived the hall had been packed with thousands of souls like him. All of them were small floating orbs giving off different levels of brightness. Some were darker, and others lighter, but most were various hues of grey. Alan happened to be slightly light grey.


    The hall was a bright white with only a single yet luxurious black carpet leading to a giant crystal door. Through the door came the radiance of the sun. Many beams of light were split through the door, causing the room to be covered in rainbows. The brilliance and beauty had astounded him at first, but that was short lived. After waiting this long he was simply bored.


    Rather than communicate with the other souls, Alan had kept to himself. Thinking that anything said here would likely be irrelevant after reincarnation.


    Just as his consciousness was about to doze off the giant doors opened. He quickly jumped up giddy that his turn had finally come, then was promptly quashed between the door and the wall. Despite thousands of others going before him, he hadn’t paid attention to the fact that the doors opened outward.

    Savros looked out into the empty hallway. Huh, I was sure that there was one more. Perhaps this was the first of the next batch.


    “Close the doors”


    “Hey, hold on!! WAIT!!”


    A small grey orb was caught between the giant doors.


    “Ah, open. Sorry about that, didn’t notice you there”


    The small orb became slightly darker in frustration as it squirmed in between the doors

    POP!


    “It’s okay”, said the soul, “let’s just get this over with.”


    “I couldn’t agree with you more.”, Savros agreed. He then motioned for the small soul to follow.

    Alan followed.


    The Familiar did not seem all that brilliant, In fact to Alan he looked like a standard business clerk. A tall thin man in a suit with glasses and short dark hair. Were it not for the divine glow around him, he would have never guessed that this being was a Familiar of a God.


    They walked to a small dark corner that had a singular chair.


    “Sit.”


    Alan sat.


    “Okay, we are only going to do this once, so listen closely.” He then continued in a monotonous tone, “Hello, my name is Savros, and I will be your guide through reincarnation. I am sure you have many questions, but please save them for after the briefing. Do you understand?”


    The orb nodded


    “Good. First of all, you are dead. Yes dead. Whatever afterlife you may or may not have believed in is irrelevant. You will not be sent there. Second, As you seemed to have died a relatively early death at the age of..”, Savros looked down at the file before looking back at the soul with a slight scowl ,“Really? 26 years? That’s what they are calling early now? Why are you even here?”.


    A worried look spread across the soul.


    “Ugh, calm down, It would be more work to send you away. As long as your death was tragic and there are no unforeseen problems, I’ll let you through.”


    Savros came closer and poked the soul.


    “Uwaah!! Why are you poking me?!”


    “Just making sure you aren’t actually the spawn of a Demon or a Champion. They can slip through sometimes when the system doesn’t recognize it. Anyway, you seem to be clear. Now we just have to go through your entire life, then we can both get out of here.”


    “M-my entire life?”


    “Yes, entire life. No worries. I’ve seen it all, and by the color of your soul, it couldn’t have been anything too bad.”


    The soul seemed to be blushing, perhaps in shame or embarrassment, but that was ignored as Savros issued a command silently, and the dark wall in front of Alan lit up with memories.

    Last edited by Nim112; 07-20-2018, 02:05 AM.
    If you like my stories, help me with my coffee habit @ https://ko-fi.com/N4N6G9K4

    #2
    Please google "dialogue punctuation conventions".

    Content-wise, I guess I'm curious what happened in Alan's life. I'm assuming he was, uh, kinda an embarrassment. That's a good hook to work from. Make sure to keep foreshadowing or hinting at the storys direction.

    The only details here are all about light, size, and color. Try to engage the senses a bit more, er, concretely. This is the afterlife. What kind of "hallway" or "doors" are we talking about? Is it a clinical-seeming afterlife where the plastic paneling smells like a bleached hospital floor? A mystical aetherium with gasping souls swirling through ghostly lighthouses? A gloomy afterlife with only those featureless orbs flickering, but a misty, murky pall in the distance? Give me something to work with. Describing things, "luxurious" and "beautiful" are a better start than "black" or "white", but please show me it, rather than just say it's luxurious or beautiful.

    How does an orb "sit" or "nod"? (Kinda nitpicking, obviously)

    My few cents.
    Last edited by donbiki; 07-13-2018, 07:50 PM.
    My stories: But somehow, I was still twelve years old
    Current: But somehow, there were still twelve days till Christmas
    Next chapter: July 27th ("Little Helpers")

    Comment


      #3

      Author’s Note:

      Thanks for the feedback! I will work on the dialogue issues and develop the level of detail from here on out. As for the orb, that is a good question. I should have explained more on the appearance of a soul. I imagine they are more like gradients going from the center outward, where the center may be lighter or darker than complete solids. Some souls may even have centers of different shapes which reflect on their past life/lives. As they are incorporeal, souls may be more or less orb-like or can take on completely different forms depending on their type. Savros for example does not have an actual body, that is just the appearance of his soul as he has defined it. As a Familiar of a God, he has quite a bit of control over this.


      Ghosts and Spirits may also have some control over their form depending on their power. In the material world they are invisible to the naked eye unless they exert enough presence. The weaker ones being more orb like, while the stronger ones may take on the appearance they last had before death, or can somewhat control their appearance as well as the world around them with enough strength. The ones which can not usually be seen may also be visible to someone with the talent of a Spiritualist.


      To further illustrate the process of sitting and nodding I have attached a picture of Alan doing those things.


      (I also kinda like the nitpicking. I helps with the development of the story, and my development as a beginning writer.)

      Now to the story:


      _____



      -Volume 1, Chapter 1 Part 2: Alan’s Life-


      _____



      “Aww, so cute!” said Savros, “Who’s a chubby little baby?”


      “Could we just skip this part, or I dunno, at least fast forward? I really don’t want to watch my entire life again in real time,” said Alan disgruntledly. The soul slouched in the chair, now looking more like a partially melted gumdrop than an orb.


      “Oh no worries,” replied Savros with a smirk,”This corner is within a time displacement barrier, so even if we were to stay 100 years it shouldn’t be more than a few minutes on the outside.”


      "If that's the case, I suppose it is not that much of a problem." Alan said with a look of resignation.


      -Two hours later-


      "Huh, you really did eat a lot for such a little guy, didn't you?" Savros remarked.


      "Could you please stop adding commentary to every piece of my life! We both know I've done nothing remotely important as a baby," Alan said, the small orb getting progressively darker as he fumed, "so do us both a favor and just skip all of this nonsense...or something!! If not that could you please at the very least direct me to the nearest wardrobe so I can escape this fantasy?"


      Savros stared at me with an expressionless face before writing something down then said, "Very well, I haven't the slightest as to why you would want to skip such an adorable stage, bu..."


      "What is so adorable about it?! That-that thing literally did nothing but eat, sleep, and shit! How could it be anything but vile?" interrupted Alan, fuming more intensely all the while."


      "Might I remind you that the 'thing' you are talking about is yourself," Savros remarked, "and as I was saying before you very rudely interrupted, I am also getting quite bored of this. I suppose I could go along with your original proposition and 'fast forward'. No, instead we will just view the highlights of your life. Do you find that acceptable Mr. Conway?"


      "Hmph, about time." said Alan, still quite disgruntled.


      Before the two of them scenes quickly changed, skipping days of crying, sleeping, screaming, diaper changes, breastfeeding, even birthdays until slowing down for more important and memorable points. Going to the park and making a childhood friend, first day of school, the first loose tooth, a young bout of puppy love, falling in the canal out back, getting punished for lying, the events passed one by one. Some it seemed evoked more of an emotional response from Alan than others.


      The lump sitting on the chair began pulsing between grey and black, akin to the rhythm of a heartbeat as he saw himself moving away from his friends at an early age. An aura of melancholy surrounded him as he watched his father lose his job, and the quality of food and clothing gradually diminished. The lump seemed to shiver as a 7 year old boy woke up in the middle of the night on multiple occasions to the sounds of fighting parents.


      Eventually the scenes changed. A small voice cried out, and a song was sung to calm it. Two loving parents stood over a crib, awwing and doting over a tiny baby girl. At this memory, a dull grey aura surrounded Alan. Not entirely sad, nor happy, just grey. The scenes went on and the parents bore no semblance to their figures of the past. The father began to work harder for his baby girl, the mother became a most caring homemaker, and the baby girl grew up with love and affection. Alan was left grow as he desired, without interruption nor assistance. The lump gradually changed back into an orb, and the grey aura permeated throughout his soul, with only a small tear shape in the center turning a slightly darker shade.


      Years of loneliness passed by quickly as there was not much to highlight, then at the senior year of high school the scenes began to focus again. It was before lunch in the hallway. Alan had been tripped by Brad, not really anyone of importance, but someone who hung out with some other more popular guys. He just smirked and walked off, leaving Alan on the ground, his supplies scattered around. When he lifted his head up, he saw Kelly. She had a healthy figure, curly brown hair, a cute round face and deep beautiful cinnamon brown eyes. She looked directly at Alan and said, "Awful little prick isn't he?", she continued talking as she started picking up my things, "Anyhow, probably best not to bother with 'em. It'd be more trouble than it's worth."


      Alan gave a nod in agreement as he got up and went to pick up his supplies, only to find that Kelly had already gotten them all.


      "Here" said Kelly, handing over the supplies.


      "Ah, thanks. Really appreciate it" replied Alan, taking them and placing them in his bag.


      Kelly looked up at the tall boy with short sandy blond hair, a slender build, and hazel green eyes "You eating with anybody?" she asked frankly.


      "Uh, not really. I was going to skip lunch actually." Alan avoided looking directly at her, and his cheeks flushed red.


      Upon seeing this scene once again Alan's soul began pulsing, or rather, thumping between dull grey and a dirty white, with the tear shape in his center glowing a slightly brighter white.


      "Well," she said with a grin, "that's not good. Come on, you're eating with me today." and with that, she grabbed Alan's arm and took him with her. They sat together at an empty table and Kelly brought out her lunch. She then glanced at Alan and asked, "Have you got any lunch?" to which Alan looked down in embarrassment and shook his head no. "Hm, we can't have that. Luckily I happened to make extra today." She opened up her lunchbox and brought out items one by one. A small jar of bright orange jam, a half loaf of homemade bread, in a small square pyrex container, a round ball of butter that looked deceptively like vanilla ice cream, in another small pyrex container, a light brown pasty substance, and in a larger one carrot and cucumber slices.


      To Alan, it looked like a meal his grandmother would make, homemade, healthy, and packed in multiple fragile containers. "Wow, that's a lot!"


      Kelly gave a big smile and said, "I like food"


      It was at that moment that Alan knew he liked her, and hoped she liked him too.


      He would soon find out that she did.


      Scenes skipped to later that night. It began with the shut of a door. Savros noticed that Alan's soul was flickering rapidly between light grey and white, while the tear in his center now resembled a heart. "Ah," said Savros "Let's just skip this part."


      Alan and Kelly had become a couple.


      With that they learned more about each other. Kelly wanted to be an environmental scientist, Alan wanted to be a civil engineer. Together they had many discussions about topics such as permaculture, and stability of building structures. Soon their interests merged and they made plans to create a self sustainable eco friendly village.


      Kelly's family had a small farm, and she invited Alan over many times to conduct experiments together from building a tiny cob hut to a small scale garden project imitating the agricultural techniques of Fukuoka Masanobu.


      In almost no time at all they had graduated. Kelly was able to go to a nearby community college with the assistance of her parents, while Alan...well, Alan found out that his parent's wouldn't support him. In fact, on his eighteenth birthday they kicked him out, saying "Get your own place and a job son. You are an adult now and need to live like one."


      Fortunately, Kelly's folks let him in, but agreed that he needed a job. Alan wanted a job that would give him experience towards his goals, so applies to apprenticeships. He did not want construction work, there were too many horror stories he had heard, so he went for electrical work, HVAC, anything he could find. However even the apprentices were required to obtain at least a certificate from the community college. Eventually one application led to an interview, and he was accepted. It wasn't much, but Alan was now an apprentice plumber.


      --7 years later-- (in sp*ngeb*b announcer voice)


      Ya know, being a plumber isn't all that bad. This thought had been in Alan's mind ever since he passed through his apprenticeship and became a full time plumber.


      The pay wasn't bad, but was better than any job he would get after uni considering the student debt. At this point he already had a 2 bedroom house not too far off from the city, but far enough to have a half acre of land and a creek in the backyard. At this point 15% of it was already paid off, much more than could be said of his former classmates.


      Alan and Kelly were married happily with a black lab, Serb, as they hadn't been ready for kids earlier. Kelly had graduated with a bachelors degree, and was working with an international non-profit organization to help poor farmers. She loved the job, but it made near nothing. Alan supported her decision wholeheartedly.


      Scenes passed until they focused on one particular evening. They had just finished eating homemade spaghetti and meatballs. Dishes from the day were piled up in the sink, and a mostly empty bottle of a decent red wine was on the table between Alan and Kelly's empty plates. Their faces were both flushed with a light shade of red. From under the table, Alan brought a small box wrapped in red and tied in a ribbon. "Happy anniversary dear, I love you!"


      A bright smile filled kelly's face as she accepted the gift, "Thank you! Ah, let me get your present before I open this." With that she quickly stood up and began to run towards their bedroom. Unfortunately she forgot the condition she was in and dizzily fell down. Upon seeing Kelly on her arms and legs Serb decided to run up and jump on her.


      "No! Serb! Get off!!" Kelly yelled while laughing, making weak attempts to shove him off.


      "Haha, you gotta admit, he has good taste" retorted Alan as he stuck his tongue out in jest.


      "Alan you absolute jerk!! Get your dog off me" she said giggling and smiling all the while.


      "Sure thing hon." Alan walked over and gave Serb a good shove then he glared at the dog and said in a clear stern voice, "No!" he then slapped Kelly's ass, "This is my woman! Mine! Not yours! Understand?" Serb just tilted his head to the side in confusion while Alan looked down at Kelly with a smirk, "How was that hon?"


      She rolled her eyes and replied "You're an ass you know that?"


      "Hm, perhaps, but I'll never be as good as your ass" At this Alan hugged her from the back, very similar to how Serb was doing a moment earlier.


      "Hey, you get off too! We'll save that for later" Kelly remarked. Alan begrudgingly got off and Kelly got his gift. A small shiny black box. Alan opened it immediately. It was a beautiful shiny watch with a tungsten wristband embroidered with a weaving silver pattern, the clock face was also silver with the hands and numbers in gold. "It-It's absolutely beautiful!" Alan hugged Kelly then gave her a deep kiss as a tear streaked down his face. "Thank you Kelly! Thank you so much".


      "I love you too dork!" she said with a grin. "Now it's my turn." she undid the ribbon, and the wrapping fell off. "A box of condoms?" she looked up at alan with a puzzled look.


      "Look inside dear." She opened the box, then looked up even more puzzled and a bit irritated. "It's empty."


      "I know you've been wanting to recently, but you just never brought it up," said Alan with a smile, "I think we should try and have a kid."


      Kelly looked up and her eyes grew, she teared up, and began to cry, "Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!! I've been wanting to ask you for so long but was afraid that you didn't want any kids, and we would start fighting, and then you'd wanna break up with me an-and" she then broke into sobs and cried into his chest.


      "Shhh, shhh, it's alright now. Everything's okay. I do want kids, and I do love you." Alan lifted her chin up and looked directly into her tear filled eyes, "Kelly, I care about you with all my heart, and will never leave you for you wanting to do something." Alan pecked her on the lips. "I want you to talk with me," another peck ,"I want to know what you want," a kiss, "I want to make you happy," a deeper kiss ,"but I can't do it alone," A deep passionate kiss, "Will you please help me? I want us both to be happy together" Alan then pulled Kelly deep into his arms and held her close as she cried into him. "Kelly, being with you has made me the happiest I have ever been. Before you I was lonely and sad, but now my days are filled with your bright smiles, and delicious food, and snarky remarks. You always seem to be bright and sunny, you are always so excited at everything, and are passionate about your work and making the world a better place, but sometimes I worry about you. I see you working so hard at everything and you never say you are tired or need a break or anything. You have always said you are fine or okay, but I worry that you aren't fine." he starts to rub her back and stroke her hair as she cries. "I want to help you, so please talk with me. Please ask me for help when you need it. Even if you don't need it, I still want you to talk with me about how you are feeling. You don't have to be perfect, and happy, and cheerful all the goddamn time if you aren't" At this Alan begins to cry through his words, and he whispers, "I want to take care of you Kelly, please let me take care of you."


      Alan picked Kelly up, took her to the bed and laid her down gently, tucked her in, and kissed her forehead. "Rest well my dear. I love you."


      Kelly then hugged him close and whispered, "I love you too. Thank you. I needed that."


      Alan turned off the lights and closed the door behind him after saying, "Goodnight". He then did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen, then went on a nighttime walk with Serb before crawling into bed with Kelly and getting some much needed rest.


      ------


      At this point even Savros was touched. He pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the non corporeal tears from his eyes more out of habit from his previous life than of necessity. Nevertheless, it did seem to calm him down somewhat. He then turned to Alan’s soul to see how he fared at the deeply emotional scene. The orb of Alan was grey not just any grey, a middle grey. The tear shape previously visible was gone, and while previously there was some sort of gradient between the center and outer areas, there was none at this time, only a solid middle grey. For the first time today, in fact, for quite a long time Savros was confused. How can he be so completely emotionless, so non reactionary to this when just moments earlier he was fervently flashing between emotions at the sight of this girl?


      As soon as he had finished his thoughts, the night passed to the next day, and the scene came into focus again...
      If you like my stories, help me with my coffee habit @ https://ko-fi.com/N4N6G9K4

      Comment

      Working...
      X