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[incomplete] An Average Day

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    [incomplete] An Average Day

    This is a project that will probably be frustratingly slow. I wrote a world primer and am exploring that world through various characters. I'll eventually share the primer but for now I want to challenge myself to 'show not tell' and put out various short stories taking place in this unique setting. Any criticism is sincerely welcomed, its been a very long time since I've done any creative writing, and even longer since I've shared it with others. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much I enjoyed building the world.



    Chapter One: Waking up.

    Claire yawned, sitting up and stretching, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She took a moment to survey her room, from between the bars she saw the familiar soft pink walls, the heavy curtains blocking out of the sunlight to her room. Her hand found a soft toy nearby, a simple lilac puppy with shiny black eyes. She studied it, fascinated with the texture, the scent of light sweat and cotton, the soft smooth fibers being so pleasing to her fingers. She wanted to chew on it, but a pacifier served as a barrier to further exploration. The soft rubber too pleasing to her palette to consider letting go. She hugged her puppy tightly.

    "Your name is Twinkle." She said to herself, identifying the toy, her enunciation affected by the pacifier. She continued to sit there, rubbing the stuffed animal, each pass of her hands feeling electric, nuzzling it with her cheek. She had the toy for as long as she could remember, but every morning it was like she was touching it for the first time. Her willpower waned, her mouth opening far enough to let the pacifier drop and dangle from a ribbon, and to start chewing the toy, her tongue slowly exploring the fuzzy fabric. When it met the plastic eyes her jaw started to gnaw on it. It felt wonderful to feel the resistance of the plastic against her teeth and gums.

    Through this exploration another sensation was present against her skin. More noticeable than the soft fabric of her onesie, it was an uncomfortable, somewhat clammy, and causing her sensitive bottom to itch. She wiggled against her padded bedding, a yielding presence moved with her efforts, invading more of her delicate skin. It didn't feel nice. She didn't like the feeling. It was upsetting. It was upsetting enough to distract her from Twinkle, setting the stuffed animal down and looking down towards her crotch. Her brow furrowed in frustration at the bad feeling. Her eyes welled up with tears, distressed with the developments she found herself caught up in. It wasn't nice and she wanted help to fix it. Tears started to fall down her cheeks. She took a sharp breath in, and let out a sob. Her hands balling up to rub her eyes to wipe away the new tears.

    --

    A cry could be heard through a small speaker.

    "Its your turn." A groggy voice said in the darkness.

    "Mmmm." was grunted in reply. A woman sat up and looked over at the speaker. The Little monitor having a few green led lights flash, indicating the strength of the sound. She swung her legs around and sat on the edge of the bed, taking a moment to collect herself. She brushed her long brown hair back, calming the bedhead her deep sleep had afforded her. She stood and stretched, her tule babydoll nighty doing nothing to hide her wide cut panties.

    "I'm coming sweetie." She said mumbled, reaching for the monitor and flipping a toggle switch on it, silencing the cries. She made her way in bare feet to the door of the master bedroom, glancing back at the wonderful man she shared her life with, still asleep in their bed. She smiled to herself seeing her husband, and turned to the doorway, making her way down the hall and into the doorway that a faint sob could be heard through. She opened the door and saw her Little. It still filled her heart with joy to see Claire, her newly adopted Little, the woman in the crib was about four foot tall, her cheeks still round with baby fat, and blonde hair cut short in a bob.

    "Mommy's here." She cooed to her Little. The woman in the crib looked up from her balled fists, and reached her arms up and out to the new interloper, poking between the bars of the crib. She had a deep frown on her face, wet with tears from her terrible condition. Mommy lowered the side of the crib, the top becoming flush with the bedding, the bottom touching the floor of the nursery. Claire's eager arms wrapped themselves tightly around Mommy's neck. Her crying stops completely as she rubbed her head against Mommy's shoulder. Mommy hugged her tightly back, giving Claire the chance to adjust to her presence. It was important to take your time with Littles, just the smallest touch can calm or upset them. Mommy rubbed Claire's back, "It's okay sweetie, I'll make you feel all better."


    ----
    By no means is this the end of chapter one, its just what I've worked out so far and felt happy with given the hour I was done writing it in. I really hope this grows into something bigger, my inspiration being miss potty pant's Diaper Dimension, I wanted to tweak it a little bit and feel like I've stumbled onto something different enough to be called it's own and, if lofty, be a source of inspiration for others to build on and make my Gentle Dimension a memorable setting for others to explore.

    #2
    It sounds line an interesting start, I would love to see more of your story.
    True friendship is found within the faces of those who truly care.

    Comment


      #3
      Ask and receive. Please enjoy. I'm letting this vignette drag out, but I do promise other characters with different situations to help build the setting out.


      Chapter One, Part Two: Getting Ready

      Sufficiently calm, Claire just went to sucking her thumb, her eyes dropping as she relaxed in her Mommy's embrace. To be all wrapped up like this was so calming, the feeling of Mommy's heartbeat being the most soothing melody that Claire could spend all day listening to. The warmth of Mommy's body heat helping her feel comfortable away from her blankie. Even better than her blankie since Mommy's hands and cheeks can rub against her, letting her know just how loved and cared for she was. It made her completely forget about her uncomfortable diaper, that itchy feeling overpowered by Mommy's caress. She blinked, eyes getting closer to being closed again, still a little sleepy, vaguely aware of Mommy's movement across the room.

      She frowned and started to tear up again when she was pull away from Mommy's torso, having to lay on the somewhat cold plastic mat that topped her changing table. Mommy didn't let that go to far though and popped her pacifier back in her mouth, the new feeling of rubber and the sensation of sucking demanding her immediate attention. It was so soothing, and even though she woke up suckling on it, her sensitive tongue couldn't help but explore the nipple like it was brand new. The cold sensations didn't let up though, she heard the snaps of her onesie getting opened and pulled up. The air now directly touching her tummy and her legs involuntarily giving a twitchy kick from the shock. Mommy rubbed her Little's tummy though and that helped her relax, those fingertips lightly dancing across her hairless skin, the slight tickling making Claire smile in spite of herself.

      --

      Finally calmed down from the back rubs and bouncing, Mommy was relieved when her Little stopped crying. Feeling the bottom of Claire's diaper, it was obvious her Little was poopy and needed to get cleaned up. It felt so great to be so needed by someone else, so depended on, and so loved from someone that she never wanted to let go of. Well, at least figuratively let go, as she went to the changing table she knew she had to literally set her Little angel down. Without a second thought she put her Little's pacifier in, to help her not work up another fussy cry. She got to work opening up her charge's fuzzy onesie, distracting her with a tummy tickle while she flipped on the diaper warmer, setting a few wipes on top to not shock her Little too badly.

      She was rewarded with her efforts seeing Claire smile so sweetly and serenely behind her pink pacifier. Such a little sugar bomb of endorphins was laying in front of her, cutely cooing and giving her those doe eyes that made her heart melt. She couldn't hold back and brought her lips down to Clare's tummy, blowing a raspberry, being answered with a peal of laughter as lyrical as it was joyful. "Mama!" Claire cried between her giggles, tears welling in her eyes and legs kicking and squirming. The diaper had warmed up by this time and the wipes shouldn't have been too chilling to her Little's sensitive skin.

      Mommy opened up the four tabs, using the front of the diaper to wipe up the bulk of the mess before getting to work cleaning Claire's hiney with the wipes. Claire was being really good and laying pretty still, just sucking on her pacifier and playing with her bunched up onesie. She was lucky her Little was so well behaved for her diaper changes, the training classes had prepared her for the Littles that were fussier about getting touched, just another sign that Claire was perfect to adopt for her family. Tossing the dirty diaper into Claire's diaper pail, she unfolded the new diaper, one arm helping Claire lift her bottom up, sliding the diaper under. She sprinkled Claire with Little Powder, with Claire's accompanying giggles demonstrating her approval. She rubbed the powder in, and gave Claire's little clit a rub. Claire didn't react much to that, so she stopped, her Little wasn't in the mood right now. Pulling the front of the diaper up and over, she snugly taped it shut, running her finger through the leg guards to make sure they were set right. She pulled Claire's onesie down again and resnapped it. She sat her Little up, Claire turning right away and wrapping her arms and legs around her Mommy. She picked Claire up and bounced her up and down a little. "Ready for breakfast sweetie?"

      "Brekkies!" She squeaked excitedly.

      Comment


        #4
        I like the pace of your story, Claire seems to be adjusted more or less to being a little. One question I do have is what happened before she was adopted. This could be answered in further chapters so I can wait till then to find out, as this adds to the story. Thank you for sharing your story with us here.
        True friendship is found within the faces of those who truly care.

        Comment


          #5
          Thanks, I was worried about the pace being like molasses for the world introdiction, but I’m doing my best to not just word vomit an outline and have the ‘rules’ be illustrated from multiple people and their slice of life experiences. Eventually I’ll post my primer, that reads like a doctor examination, but not for a good long while. And I don't plan on Claire being the one to demonstrate the adoption system, but you will see all stages of development...just when I get around to sitting down and banging it out. But there is a thought out program and culture that a different protagonist that's more suited to show it will demonstrate.
          Last edited by taringApok; 09-19-2018, 03:42:49 PM.

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            #6
            And an open call to any editors that want to help punch up the physical descriptions, a friend pointed out they were lacking, and while I'm proud of how I'm getting the emotional states down, I've never been one to paint a good picture.

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by taringApok View Post
              And an open call to any editors that want to help punch up the physical descriptions, a friend pointed out they were lacking, and while I'm proud of how I'm getting the emotional states down, I've never been one to paint a good picture.
              As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. It's always good to find areas to improve upon, so when you're writing (or editing), give those areas some extra focus. Writing is like anything else- the more you practice, the better you get. It's always nice if you have someone to proofread/ edit for you, but I'd also encourage you to try working on descriptions yourself- it'll make you a stronger writer in the end.
              Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

              Comment


                #8
                It would still be helpful to see a practical and learn from an example though, it’s true that I will need to follow up, but asking for a little helping hand shouldn’t be that bad.

                Comment


                  #9
                  The advice for new writers thread on the forum. Got some really good advice.

                  Personally, I can't get past the first line in the story.

                  Claire yawned, sitting up and stretching, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
                  To me it just feels a bit to much telling and to little showing what the character does, or how she does it. You could broaden the description out a bit. I'll just write you an example

                  Claire toes tingled and her mouth let out a yawn. She opened her eyes to the dim light in the room and slowly she pushed herself up to the sound of a now familiar crinkle from the sheets under her. Her muscles ached and she stretched her arms up towards the ceiling.
                  Hope that helps.

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