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    Don't move (chapters 1-4)

    Hey! I wrote this story a while back and would love some feedback on it if anyone is willing to give it. (Also it seems the story is bold-ed, I copied from google docs so I guess that's what happens? Let me know if this is an issue please.)

    Chapter 1

    “Do not leave this spot” he tells me walking away, leaving me about 5 feet away from the bathroom. The only bathroom in this park, to be exact. “I’ll be back soon” he adds at the last minute. I stand, hopping from foot to foot and trying desperately not to wet myself. I cringe inwardly, knowing what will happen if he doesn’t come back in the next few minutes. I told him I had to use the bathroom and he said to wait, but that was 2 hours ago. Now I am very near the point of wetting myself, and he knows it. That’s why he is doing this, there is little doubt in my mind that he can see me from wherever he is. I know he is watching me, waiting for me to lose control. I am brought out of my thoughts as another urge to pee hits me, stronger than the other ones. I feel myself losing the battle and very quickly clench down, feeling the wetness grow on my jeans slightly before I am able to stop it. After I am sure that I have it under control I slowly look down to assess the damage. My jeans don’t look wet, thank God. I mean, I know they are from their feeling, but it doesn’t look like they are. I look around and think about the situation, I am going to completely wet myself soon and right now there are about 10 people around me. My cheeks burn slightly as a clench even tighter, determined not to do this. I know this is futile; I realize he isn’t coming back until I am standing in wet jeans. I start feeling more desperate than I knew was possible. Another urge hits me and this time no matter how much I try and clench down I feel liquid escaping me, and am unable to stop it. I glance up and look around, seeing that about 6 people are starting to take notice of what is happening. I look down at my pants and see that they are noticeably wet, and the wet spot is getting bigger by the second. A few people that notice me are just staring, one or two seem to have sympathy, but most seem confused. I’m way too old to be wetting myself, and standing within 10 seconds of the bathroom. I blush brighter as I imagine how I must look. I look down at my jeans again, seeing they are fully soaked now and my pee is puddling around my feet for a few seconds, before being absorbed into the ground. I stop trying to resist, and after about ten seconds I feel myself stop. Not knowing what to do I just kind of stand there blushing, hoping he will come soon. I glance around, trying to decide where I should be looking. I decide looking at nothing is my best option, so instead I close my eyes and bury my face in my hands. Although it feels like at least an hour, I am not there for more than five minutes when I feel someone touch my shoulder. I open my eyes and see it is my boyfriend, looking at me with a mix of enjoyment and fake sympathy.

    “What happened?”

    he exclaims a little too loudly for my comfort. Looking around I realize several people heard him and are looking towards us. I look at him, silently begging him not to make me answer him, not here anyway. He raises his eyebrows, answering my plea with “well?”.

    “I.. don’t… I don’t know…” I answer as quietly as I can, knowing the longer I don’t answer the longer we wait here.

    “What do you mean you don’t know? How did your pants get wet?” He asks, just as loud as before, if not louder. He is determined to humiliate me, and judging by the amount I am blushing he is doing well.

    “I had an accident...” I say just as softly as before, hoping that he will take me home now.

    “You had an accident!” He exclaims even louder, faking shock. “I thought you said you could be a big girl?” He says, not changing the level of his voice. I blush bright red and hope he is done soon. I take my eyes off of him and look around, noticing that we have caught the attention of about 5 people, then look at him with pleading eyes to go somewhere alone. I guess he takes pity on me, saying “Alright, I guess we should get you cleaned up, come on.” He takes my hand and leads me into the bathroom.

    He leads me to the center of the room, closing the door behind us. After positioning me in the center, he goes back to the door to lock it. He stands in front of me, about a foot away. He looks me up and down, chuckling slightly to himself. “ Aw, it’s okay little one. This happens to little girls. I knew you weren’t ready to be a big girl.”

    “I’m not a little girl. I’m a big girl.” I say, not wanting to give into him.

    “I don’t think so baby girl. Big girls don’t have accidents, especially when they are so close to the potty.”

    “But you made me wet my pants. I told you I had to go potty and you said to wait. You made me wait too long.” I tell him with slight attitude, being annoyed at him. “I can be a big girl when you don’t do that.”

    “First off, do not get an attitude with me, little girl. You will regret it if you do it again. Secondly, big girls can wait to go potty. They don’t need to go potty as soon as they feel like they need too. Only little girls do that. Do you know what that means?”

    “I don’t think so…”

    “I do. It means that you are a little girl. Do you know what that means?” I shake my head no, not wanting to admit to anything. “I think it means that you need to wear training pants.” He says with a sense of happiness in this voice.

    “No I don’t, I’m a big girl” I say, not willing to give in.

    “Yes you do and No, you’re not.” He answers.

    “Yes I am.”

    “Are you giving me an attitude, little girl?”

    “I’m not a little girl.” I say, not giving up. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out my pacifier.

    “Open your mouth” he orders me, pushing the pacifier to my lips. Shaking my head, I keep my mouth clamped shut. “Little one, open your mouth.” I still shake my head, wanting to see where this goes. “Unless you want to go shopping in wet jeans I suggest you start listening to me.” I slowly open my mouth and let him put the pacifier in without much more of a fight.

    “Okay, corner. Now.” He says, grabbing my hand and trying to lead me to the corner. I resist, not moving from where I am. “Listen to me little girl.”

    “Not a little girl.” I assert, realizing how ridiculous it sounds with my pacifier still in my mouth. Just as I finish that statement he pops me on the butt, more to get the point across than as an actual punishment.

    “Unless you would like a real spanking and then corner time I suggest you listen to daddy.”

    “Fine” I say (my pacifier still in my mouth), not wanting to give in but also not wanting a spanking later. He raises his eyebrows at me.

    “I think you mean ‘yes...’”

    “Yes sir.” I say, finally giving in and letting him lead me to the corner of the bathroom.

    “Good girl. 10 minutes.” I hear him moving behind me, and after 10 min (which seemed like forever) he walks over to me and turns me to face him. “Now, are you ready to be a good girl?”

    “Not a little girl…” I say defiantly, still not taking out my pacifier.

    “If you keep arguing you are going to regret it. Now say you’re sorry.” He tells me, after thinking for a second I decide it’s not happening and shake my head no. “Fine. Let’s go.” He says sounding frustrated, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the door. Resisting as much I can I try to not allow him out the door but he continues to pull. With his strength, I’m slowing him down but not stopping him.


    Chapter 2

    “Where are we going? I’m still in wet pants” I say, my pacifier falling out of my mouth, suddenly terrified he is going to follow through with his threat to take me shopping like this.

    “If you’re going to act like a baby, I’m going to treat you like a baby. I only brought training pants in this bag, we’re going to get your diaper bag.” Finishing this statement, he reaches down and grabs my pacifier off of the floor, shoving it into my mouth. I don’t fight him, shocked he is taking me out like this.

    “I want to stay here. Please.” I begin begging. “I’m sorry, I promise I’ll be good, please daddy. Don’t make me go out like this.”

    “No, you’re going with me to the car. You are being very bad today and I need to keep an eye on you. Now keep your pacifier in your mouth, let’s go.” He tells me sternly, still walking towards the door. Struggling I try to stop this from happening, even though I know my attempts are doing almost nothing. Finally we reach the door, but instead of opening it he turns to me and looks at me with a stern look. “I would stop struggling. You’re already a baby, and bad babies get spanked. I don’t think you want that. Now be a good girl and come with me to get your diaper bag.” Done with that statement, he turns the lock and opens the door. I stop struggling and walk only slightly behind him, letting him lead me. Looking up from the ground, I feel my cheeks get even redder as I see that we have caught the attention of a handful of people. Some are laughing a little to themselves, while most just look very confused. Looking back at the ground, I keep my head down as he leads me to the car. After about two minutes we reach our car and he pops the trunk, trading the blue backpack he is currently holding for the light pink, more juvenile looking one. Closing the trunk, he looks at me seeming to have calmed down slightly. “Are you ready to be a good girl?”

    Slowly I nod my head, not wanting to get in anymore trouble. For the first time since this started he smiles slightly at me. “Good girl, now let’s go get you changed.” He leads me back to the bathroom, while I continue to keep my head down. My blush is going down but is definitely not dead yet, probably from the combination of using my pacifier and being noticeably wet in public. Once we get to the door, he tries the handle to find it locked. “Well looks like we're waiting.” He tells me, standing next to the door against the building and leading me to do the same. Whining slightly, wanting to be out of my wet clothes I do as I am instructed. After a few minutes I whine again, this time catching daddy’s attention. “What’s wrong baby?”

    “Wanna get changed…” I say quietly through my pacifier, even though I know we have to wait.

    “I’m sorry princess, but we have to wait for the person to come out.” He answers me sympathetically. “I’m sorry I let you wet yourself. Daddy should have known you weren’t a big girl yet. Don’t worry though baby girl, soon you will be in a nice dry diaper and won’t have to worry about trying to go potty anymore.” He tells me soothingly, still talking a little too loud for my comfort. Just loud enough to where if someone was paying attention they could hear him, but instead of trying to make him be quiet I just lay my head on his shoulder and lean back against the building again. After a few minutes a woman and her child come out, the mother looking at me surprised and the little boy laughing slightly at my pacifier. He couldn’t have been much older than four, and not yet knowing social etiquette, tells his mom that I look like a baby while pointing at me. Blushing slightly brighter I hear his mother try and shush him, explaining it’s rude to say things about people. Trying to set an example for the son, she apologizes. I don’t respond, opting to avoid eye contact instead, while daddy just smiles at her and says it’s okay. As they walk away, he leads me into the bathroom. “Okay little one, are you ready to get out of those wet pants and into a dry diaper?”

    “Yes daddy” I respond, nodding. “I’m sorry I was bad” I tell him, still not taking my pacifier out of my mouth.

    “It’s okay sweetie, sometimes babies misbehave, they’re too young to know any better.” He explains, taking the blanket out of my backpack we use as a changing pad and laying it on the floor. “Now lay down on the blanket honey.” I do as I am told and he starts to undress me, starting with my shoes and then slipping off my wet jeans. “My, my. Such a wet little girl. I don’t know why I let you try and be a big girl, daddy’s sorry baby. I should have known you weren’t ready for that yet.” He tells me in the same voice you would coo a baby in, making me cover my face with my hands, embarrassed. “Aw it’s okay little one, lot’s of baby’s aren’t potty trained. That’s why they wear diapers. You're not potty trained so you're gonna wear a diaper too, then you don’t have to worry about having an accident again.” He adds, slipping my panties down and off of me, putting them with my jeans. “I mean, it wouldn’t be that bad, no one expects a little girl to always make it to the potty. But still, it’s much easier for daddy to just check and change you. Plus then you don’t have to worry about ruining your clothes again. Won’t that be good?” He questions, partially to tease me and partially to see if I’m still listening. Uncovering my hands from my face I look at him as he’s cleaning me and nod my head. “What was that princess?” He asks me, knowing I don’t really like talking through my pacifier.

    “Yes daddy.” I answer, telling him what he wants to hear.

    “I’m glad you think so too princess, lift up” he tells me smiling and finishing wiping me off. He slides the new diaper underneath me and tells me I can go back down. After putting some baby powder on me he tapes up the new diaper. “All done!” He tells me in a happy, upbeat, voice as he pulls me into a sitting position. “Arms up” comes his next instruction, and once again I follow his orders. After slipping my shirt over my head he opens the backpack and grabs a dress he must have put in there before. Slipping it over my head he explains that most baby girls wear dresses, because that makes it easier to check their diaper and change it if needed. “Plus they look adorable.” He adds, slipping extra sandals from the backpack on me. Standing up, he motions for my hands. Helping me stand up he asks me to pick up the blanket and fold it. As I do this, I see him take my wet clothing/shoes and put them into a plastic shopping bag he must have put in my diaper bag. Finishing folding the blanket I hand it to him to be put back in the backpack. “Good girl. Do you like being daddy’s little helper?”

    “Mhm.” I answer , “Can I take out my paci before we leave?” I ask him.

    “I don’t know” he answers, teasing me. “You seem to like it a lot and I wouldn’t want you to not be happy. I think we should leave it in for now.”

    “Please daddy” I begin to whine. “Pleassse. I promise I’ll be good. Please daddy I don’t want to have my pacifier in public” I plead, still talking around the object in my mouth.

    “Hm. I guess that would be okay.” He finally decides, taking my pacifier from my mouth and putting it in my diaper bag. “Now let’s go, we have some shopping to do.”

    “Thank you daddy” I tell him as he leads me out the door, this time without my head facing down.

    “You’re welcome baby” he tells me quietly as he leads me out of the bathroom and to the car.

    Chapter 3

    Opening the back door for me, he instructs me to get in the car. Pouting slightly I get in, wanting to sit in the front but knowing it’s not happening. He reaches in, buckles my seatbelt, kisses me on the cheek, and shuts my door. Going to the other side he gets in the driver's side, putting on his seatbelt once he is seated. He hands me a water bottle, which I’m assuming he got while I was waiting for him to come back, and tells me to drink it. Not wanting to get into anymore trouble, I do as I am told and quickly down the bottle of water. While I am drinking he pours another water into a baby bottle from my diaper bag, handing it to me when I am done with the first. “I expect this to be done when we get to the store.”

    “I don’t want anymore water” I say as he backs out of the space we are in.

    “Alright, well, than I guess you can bring it into the store with you and drink it there if you’d like.” He says simply, stopping my arguing. Resigning to my fate, I lean against the door and start drinking my bottle. “Good girl” he says, noticing that I gave in. It only takes about fifteen minutes to get to the grocery store, and I finish my bottle shortly before we pull in. Turning around in his seat he sees that my bottle is now empty. “Okay Princess, ready?”

    “Yes.” I answer, being obedient for now.

    “Alright then.” He says smiling at me, getting out of the car. Walking around the car, he opens my door and unbuckles me. “Let’s go” he says happily, grabbing my hand and helping me out of the car. We start walking towards the store as he shuts the door. Stopping to wait for a car to pass he grips my hand slightly tighter before putting his hand on my butt, checking me. Blushing slightly I grab his hand and hold it at my side, causing him to laugh. “Be a good girl” he whispers as we start walking again, the car having passed. Leading me into the store he grabs a cart and we begin our walk to find groceries. He walks us to one end of the store, determined to get through the entire store as slowly as possible. This isn’t how we normally shop, of course, but normally he doesn’t have a goal of me wetting myself. About half way through the third aisle he stops, seeming to look at something. He instead takes this opportunity to check me, lightly pushing on the front of my diaper, finding it dry. “Hmm not wet yet… do you have to go potty?” He asks me just a little softer than normal, not worried about people hearing us since no one else is in the aisle. Blushing I nod my head, feeling the urge slightly and knowing it is going to get worse soon. “Aww poor baby. I’ll make you a deal, if you can hold it until we check out then I will let you go potty and switch to pull-ups.” He tells me smiling, knowing just as well as I do my chances of making it. “Unless you don’t want to be a big girl, in which case daddy will change you later.” He adds teasingly, leaning in closer and talking lower towards the end. I look around and realize this is because a woman just walked into the aisle. Blushing brighter I nod my head as he grabs my hand, once again starting to lead me to the next aisle. Stopping every few steps to either look at something or grab something we slowly make our way through the store. After a few more aisles I have to start really concentrating on not wetting myself. He’s still going really slow, smiling slightly as he notices my change in body language. Beginning to feel desperate, I grab his hand and start to walk towards the end of the aisle. “And where do you think you’re going baby girl?” He asks, not budging from his spot.

    “We don’t need anything else in this aisle.” I answer quickly, still trying to pull him along.

    “I don’t know about that” he starts, still not moving. “I think we still need to walk down this aisle.” He says matter of factly.

    “No we don’t.” I inform him desperately, “all we need now is bread and that’s on the second to last aisle, which means we don’t have to go to the next two.”

    “No, I think we do.” He tells, knowing what is going on. “Unless you have another reason we need to hurry?” He teasingly questions. Glancing up and down the aisle and seeing that we are alone I quietly say I need to go potty. “What was that little one?” He asks me smirking.

    “I have to use the bathroom.” I say slightly louder, blushing more, hoping he will let me go.

    “Aww the little girl has to go potty.” He teases me, speaking in a slightly higher pitch noise than normal. “Is the baby wet yet?” He questions in the same voice, obviously not expecting an answer since he reaches out to check me. Blushing slightly I shake my head no as he presses the front of my diaper. “Good girl.” He tells me, sounding slightly surprised. “Maybe you can be a big girl.” He adds after a few seconds.
    “Mhm.” I say softly, still not sure if it’s happening. Not willing to give up yet I try to take my mind off of the situation at hand, while somehow also focusing on not wetting myself. We continue walking the aisle, me reaching the point of focusing all of my attention on not wetting myself quickly. After a few minutes it becomes evident to me that I am not going to win this battle. Trailing slightly behind him, inevitability, after a few steps I feel myself start to lose control. Starting to leak I desperately try to stop, but that doesn’t work. After what seems like forever, but in reality is probably only about twenty seconds, I finish peeing and am standing in a soaked diaper. Very conscious of my new state and focusing on not walking weirdly I catch up to daddy, him being about five feet ahead of me at this point. He didn’t notice I stopped, which means he probably doesn’t know I’m wet right now. Catching back up to him I begin walking beside him again as we get to the second to last to last aisle. Of course, now that I don’t want to be done yet this aisle seems to go very quickly. After about two minutes we start down the next aisle, him grabbing my hand about halfway through. Looking at me, he smiles and then continues looking at the items on the shelf. “What?” I asked confused.


    “Nothing.” He answers, still grinning. Glancing up and down the aisle to be sure we are alone he quietly adds “you’re going to be my baby today. I like that.” Chuckling slightly after saying that, watching me go red.

    “No I’m not” I say quietly, knowing I am lying. Looking at me, he slowly raises his eyebrows, obviously not believing me.

    “You know I don’t tolerate lying little one.” He tells me sternly, stepping slightly away from the cart and closer to me.

    “I’m sorry daddy.” I tell him quietly, looking at the floor instead of at him. Pulling me closer to him, so I am more or less leaning on him, he hugs me.

    “That’s alright baby.” He tells me softly,reaching down and squeezing my diaper through my dress. “I think it’s time to go. I don’t want you to leak if you have another accident.” He adds, separating from me. Blushing slightly I opt out of saying anything and instead just grab his hand as he walks to the end of aisle and leads me and the cart towards check out. After quickly checking out, we go to the car. “Such a good helper” he praises me the same way you would a child, at normal conversation tone. I blush as I see a couple heading towards the door turn to look at us slightly, realizing they must have heard him. Once the groceries are put away he opens the back door of the car for me. Pouting slightly I hesitate getting in. “Come on princess” He tells me, motioning for me to sit down.

    “Can I sit with you? Pleeeaaassseee daddy?” I ask him, still pouting. Seeing him start to consider it for a moment I quickly add “I promise I’ll be good. Please?”

    “I don’t think so.” He answers, sounding unsure.

    “Please daddy.” I beg one more time. This time I seem to break him because he finally sighs, closing the door and leading me to the passenger side of the care.

    “I expect you to be really good for the rest of today.” He tells me sternly, opening the door for me.

    “Kay” I answer quickly sitting down, liking being in the front a lot more than in the back. He reaches down to my diaper bag, now at my feet, and opens the side pocket grabbing my pacifier out. Slipping it into my mouth he kisses my cheek.

    “Love you.” He tells me, buckling me into the seat.

    “Love you too.” I tell him through my pacifier, although it is somewhat weird. He must understand though because he smiles at me, shutting my door. Getting into his seat and starting the car we start our journey back home. Recognizing it will take us about twenty minutes to get home, I glance at the clock seeing it is a little after 2. Smiling slightly I realize that means we have the rest of the day to play and lean my head on the window, angling myself so I am also looking out it. After a few minutes I close my eyes, not so much intent on sleeping as just resting for the ride home.


    Chapter 4
    Apparently I did fall asleep, although lightly, because the next thing I know I wake up to his door shutting. Looking around I realize we are home as he opens my door and bends down to unbuckle me. After doing so he helps me out of the car, not saying anything about my short nap. I reach for my pacifier, intending to take it out as a stand up. Instead, he lightly grabs my hand, not letting me grab the pacifier. “Nu-uh, baby.” He tells me teasingly. After I look at him confused, he adds “I want you to leave your paci in. Okay princess?”. Blushing I slightly nod my head, holding tighter onto his hand as we begin walking. Although it’s only a short walk, I still look down at the ground and just let him lead me to the front door. “Good girl” he tells me unlocking the door “Now let’s go get you changed before you leak” he adds happily leading me into the house.


    “Okay daddy.” I say through my pacifier now that we are inside the house. He smiles at me before leading me through the living room, down the hall, and to our bedroom. Sitting me on the bed he instructs me not to move while he gets a new diaper and the changing supplies. I glance around the bed and find my stuffed dog, Strawberry, on my side of the bed. I grab him and hug him quietly as daddy collects the items from a few different areas of the room. Finally he returns to me with a new diaper, baby powder, and baby wipes. Putting his hands on my shoulders he gently pushes me into a lying position. Letting him do that, I lift up my dress so he can easily change my diaper.

    “Good girl.” He says, noting that I lifted my dress as he untapes the diaper. “I love you baby girl” he adds,beginning the process of wiping me.

    “Love you too daddy” I respond, getting the hang of talking through my pacifier. “What are we going to do the rest of the day?” I ask, my speech still kinda messed up, lifting up as he motions me to.

    “You’ll see.” He tells me smiling, putting the new diaper under me. “We’ll have fun though, don’t worry.” saying that, with a teasing smile, he sprinkles baby powder on me and tapes up the new diaper. He reaches out his hands and I grab them, going to stand up. Instead though he stops me while I am in a sitting position. “Nu-uh, arms up.” he says in an upbeat voice, I comply and he grabs my dress, taking it off of me. Walking over and putting my dress in the laundry basket, he grabs a purple shirt off my dresser and comes back over to me. Putting my arms back up, I allow him to slip the shirt over me. “Good girl, now wait here for a second.” He tells me, walking out of the room as he says this. Returning a few minutes later with a bottle of milk he hands it to me, saying “alright, lay down little one.” Immediately realizing where this is going I begin my protests.

    “Noooooooooooo” I start whining, not wanting to take a nap. “No nap.” I continue, my pacifier being forgotten for now and falling out of my mouth, landing on the bed.

    “Yep. You’re tired, and you need a nap.” He simply says grabbing my pacifier, sticking it back into my mouth.

    “No.” I say calmly, taking my pacifier out of my mouth once again, knowing I am pushing it.

    “Little one.” he starts, replying sternly with the look that’s normally given right before I get in trouble.

    “Yes?” I ask smiling defiantly.

    “Nap time. Now.” he tells me sounding annoyed. “Unless you want to be punished for the second time today.” Sighing I put my pacifier back in my mouth and lay down, even though I really don’t want to take a nap. His demeanor changed quickly and he smile at me, handing my bottle, “good girl”. “Have a nice nap Princess, call daddy when you wake up. I do not want you to get out of bed until then.” I nod, letting him know I understand and he turns to go out of the room, probably to get the groceries from the car. “See you later baby.” He finally adds, leaving the door cracked very slightly, more closed than open, but not fully shut either. Slowly I drink my bottle and close my eyes, hoping that will help me fall asleep. When that doesn’t work I try just closing my eyes, but I’m still not tired. Glancing at the clock I see that only fifteen minutes have passed, and exhale slightly. Thinking for a minute, I realize he probably won’t check on me for a good forty five minutes at least. Slowly I climb out of bed, keeping an eye on the door and listening for movement in the living room. Deciding I am good for now I go over the chest in the corner, and open it to reveal all of my toys except Strawberry, who is normally either at my side or in my bed. Realizing I don’t have him I walk over and grab him, mindful of my movements and not making too much noise. Walking back over and looking into the chest, I decide on my foam blocks, knowing those are probably the quietest toys I have save for my stuffed animals, all of which but Strawberry are in the living room. Carefully I lift one of my louder toys, a puppy that sings when you grab any of it’s hands and set it down next to the chest. Thankful I did it without making it go off. I grab the blocks, which were located underneath the puppy and quietly sit down on the floor near the chest. Dumping the fifty-ish blocks on the floor, still careful to not make any noise, I begin building what I decide will be a castle. After about ten minutes I start to look for a specific piece, a heart to go on top of my castle, and can’t find it. Looking around, I realize it is slightly behind me. Wondering how it got there, I lean back to grab it and realize my mistake about two seconds later. About a millisecond after I realize what I have done I hear the dog start to sing, since I leaned on one of it’s paws. Panicking I grab the dog and try to make it shut up, finally succeeding in turning the thing off. Even though it only takes me a few seconds to do this, I realize it was too long as I hear footsteps coming towards the room.

    #2
    You've got a solid grasp of grammar and spelling, and you've got separate lines for each speaker. Those are great foundations.

    Your characters are more than just their fetish. Flesh them out, develop their relationship beyond that of Daddy and Baby Girl. Showing the readers who your characters are- their personalities, what makes them tick- engages the reader and adds depth to the story.
    Please consider supporting me on patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Cute_Kitten

    Comment


      #3
      "Stand there for two hours until you wet yourself" is an odd fetish for either person. I'm surprised she didn't get bored and sit down to post messages on Facebook about what an idiot he is.

      Comment


        #4
        CuteKitten- Thank you for the feedback! I will say I am not exactly sure what you mean by fleshing out a character, and despite that you kind of explained it I am having trouble picturing how I would go about doing that. Would you mind possibly pointing me towards a story that does a good job of fleshing out characters and/or giving me some examples? Once again, thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

        BabyAnna- That is not what I intended by that line. It was meant to be "I told him this 2 hours ago, and then just now he left me waiting here." So basically, the character was denied for 2 hours, and then this is taking place. As far as standing there although it is never stated (I didn't think about it when writing and did not feel it added to the story), it would have been no more than 15-20 minutes, maybe a half hour tops.
        "I told him I had to use the bathroom and he said to wait, but that was 2 hours ago. Now I am very near the point of wetting myself, and he knows it. That’s why he is doing this..."
        Now was supposed to signify that 2 hours ago was before, and that now this is happening. In fact, "doing this" in the sentence above was supposed to reference him putting her there and then walking away. If you think there was a better way to go about getting that point across, please let me know and I will consider that next time I am writing something like that.

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by Daddyslittledom View Post
          CuteKitten- Thank you for the feedback! I will say I am not exactly sure what you mean by fleshing out a character, and despite that you kind of explained it I am having trouble picturing how I would go about doing that.
          It's about showing the rest of the person, couching the ABDL (and humiliation in this case) elements in the context of a complete life. Right now, we know nothing about this person other than she has a boyfriend that likes putting her in embarrassing public situations and forcing her to wear diapers, and clearly she likes it as well. So it's all very titillating, but it reads more like an ABDL porn thing than an actual story, because all we know about is the kink interaction.

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            #6
            Oh. The phrasing of the sentence led me to believe the wait instruction was given two hours prior to the 'accident'.

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              #7
              I think you need more paragraphs.

              Some areas it’s ok, but in others it’s a huge wall of text which I find hard to read such as the opening part after where it says 'Chapter 1' and up to where it says 'what happened?'

              Originally posted by Daddyslittledom View Post
              Also it seems the story is bold-ed, I copied from google docs so I guess that's what happens? Let me know if this is an issue please.)
              If you go into edit mode on the thread and click on the underlined A next to the smiley face it gives you options to turn off the bold text back to normal if you wanted to

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                #8
                Originally posted by Daddyslittledom View Post
                Hey! I wrote this story a while back and would love some feedback on it if anyone is willing to give it. (Also it seems the story is bold-ed, I copied from google docs so I guess that's what happens? Let me know if this is an issue please.)
                It's an annoying side-effect of the post editor combined with how some browsers handle the formatting from Google Docs. Word Online does the same thing. Scootamunk told you one way to fix it. There's two ways using their instructions. One of the buttons on that tool bar (Second from the left if I remember correctly) strips all formatting, which is good if you don't need to keep anything but the paragraph breaks. Otherwise you can highlight the text and click the B to stip the bold text only.
                I GET KNOCKED DOWN BUT I GET UP AGAIN!

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