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Thread: Happy Family

  1. #16

    Re: Happy Family

    Part 11

    Charity is glad that the old lady has left. They are alone and Charity is getting tired. It is late in the evening probably.

    The boy starts checking the straps, but he fails as well. He fidgets in the straps desperately and Charity knows the probable reason; he has to pee. To her terror, she is getting the same feeling. They eventually would have to use their diapers.

    The growing pressure makes Charity fidget as well. She tries to close her legs or press her hand to her crotch. Unfortunately the straps are holding her tightly. She can clench the bladder muscles only, but the growing pressure seems to be stronger. She makes the last attempt to let out a few drops, but it is the final mistake. As soon as the floodgates open, she isn’t able to close them anymore and she floods the diaper between her legs.

    Charity sighs and relaxes on the bed. A short look to the right reveals that the boy doesn’t fidget anymore and his face is deep red. She realizes that she is blushing as well. She is lying helpless and wearing a wet diaper next to a boy.

    Half an hour later the fatigue takes over and Charity falls asleep. The boy is tired as well and his eyes close several minutes later. Hannah peeks into the room, checks on the babies and closes the door again.

    In the middle of the night Charity wakes up and she has to pee again. Tears appear in her eyes, but she can’t do anything but pee into the diaper again. The garment gets heavy and drops down between her legs. Charity isn’t able to say if she leaked or not.

    The next morning Hannah opens the door: “Good morning, babies. Auntie Hannah is here to take care of you.” She walks over to Charity: “Lady is first.” She pulls down the rubber pants, revealing a very wet diaper. Without hesitation Hannah removes it and exposes Charity’s crotch. The boy and Charity blush deeply when Hannah moves to the boy and removes his diaper as well. She brings wet rag and cleans both captives thoroughly. Despite of his condition the boy is getting aroused and his penis is hard and erect.

    Hannah cleans the captives and puts clean diapers onto their crotches. She grabs the wet diapers and leaves the room: “I’m back with your breakfast soon.” In about ten minutes she comes back and carries a try with two baby bottles. She removes the pacifiers and feeds both captives. There is delicious semolina porridge in the bottles and Charity is hungry; she doesn’t protest and neither does the boy.

    After breakfast the pacifiers are put back into their mouths and the old lady leaves. Charity struggles again with renewed effort, but the straps are unyielding. Half an hour later the door opens and a man in the lab coat enters the room:

    “It’s time to your big change, babies,” he laughs and pulls the bed with Charity out of the room. She keeps looking around and realizes they are in a basement probably. Is it the basement of the villa? The man opens another door and Charity spots a strange machine. He stops next to the machine, puts several electrodes onto her forehead, lifts the blanket and put more electrodes onto her arms and legs; it is almost like an ECG:

    “Charity, you become a lovely baby now; good bye,” He presses a button and Charity is getting tired suddenly. Her eyes close and her limbs relax totally. The man is watching her closely and he even looks like he was praying: “It is my last chance, help me please.”

  2. #17

    Re: Happy Family

    Part 12

    Charity opens her eyes slowly and tries to understand what happened. She is lying on her back on a soft surface like a mattress. There are some wooden slats all around the mattress. It definitely is a crib. Anyway the crib seems to be huge; moments later Charity realizes that the crib isn’t huge, but her body is small. She also isn’t able to remember her name or past. Everything is like in a fog. There was a machine and …

    She raises her head and tries to look around the room. It is a nursery; there are two cribs in the nursery and a small baby boy is lying in the second one; he seems to be asleep. The room is decorated beautifully and Charity can see numerous toys and nice pictures. Besides of the cribs there is a table with two chairs and several cabinets in the nursery. No babysitter can be seen at this moment.

    Suddenly Charity realizes she is able to think clearly. It could be a big advantage for her. Her heart jumps and she tries to sit up in the crib. To her utter horror she finds out her muscles are too weak and she isn’t able to turn around, let alone sit up. She can move her legs and arms and grab a small rubber toy next to her, but she can’t do anything more. It is frustrating and her adult mode can’t help unless somebody else finds out about it.

    Charity looks at her body and guesses she could be a five or six months old baby, about 25 inches tall. She is dressed in a beautiful yellow jumper with buttons on her back and crotch. Her legs are held apart by a large diaper package. Charity reaches down and feels the wetness. She has wet herself already before she woke up. The next unpleasant surprise is her fingers; her motor skills don’t allow her to unbutton a single button and she is hardly able to reach to the first button.

    All of sudden she feels the pressure in her bladder and realizes that she isn’t able to use the toilet or potty. At the same moment the bladder muscles relax, she isn’t able to clench them and her pee flows into the already wet diaper between her legs; it is getting warm and heavier. Charity sighs in frustration and tears appear in her eyes; she has no control of her wetting just like a real baby.

    The boy in the second crib seems to be even younger than her. Several minutes later he wakes up and cries; he is behaving like a real baby. The babysitter comes ten minutes later, carrying two baby bottles and walks over to the boy first. She checks his diaper and changes him quickly. After change she lifts him from the crib and feeds him.

    Charity is watching the scene and thinking of her condition. Should she let the babysitter know she is able to think clearly? She isn’t sure if it is a wise decision and she even doesn’t know how to do it. It would be better to wait and watch.

    Meanwhile the babysitter finishes feeding the boy and moves to Charity. She smiles at the small girl and gives a kiss on her forehead: “It’s everything OK, my little one.” The babysitter unbuttons the crotch of Charity’s jumper, changes the wet diaper and lifts Charity from the crib: “Let’s have your lunch,” She puts the nipple into Charity’s mouth and lets her drink the milk, holding her in the arms. Charity relaxes and drinks the milk; she was hungry and thirsty.

    After lunch the babysitter puts Charity back into the crib: “Let’s relax a bit now. My shift is almost over and I’ll go home. Cathy comes and takes care of you in the afternoon.” She leaves the nursery, taking the bottles with her. The boy falls asleep almost immediately, but Charity isn’t tired at all. She has to endure until Cathy comes. Unfortunately she can’t do anything but watch the room or think of her options. There is a watch on the opposite wall and she keeps looking at it; however it is a bad idea and Charity is frustrated; time is passing very slowly.
    Last edited by didba59; 10-15-2017 at 01:32 AM.

  3. #18

    Re: Happy Family

    Part 13

    A car stops in front of the villa and an older couple gets out of it. They ring the bell and the old lady answers the door: “Mrs. and Mr. Brown? Come in, please. It would be a pleasure for us to provide you a happy family; it is even the name of our humble company.”

    Mr. Brown steps forward, followed by his wife: “Well, could you show us some of the lovely babies?”
    The old lady leads them through a large entrance hall to a luxurious and large office. The walls are lined by wood and all furniture is very expensive. The pictures of smiling babies are hanging on the walls. Five minutes later a well dressed man enters the room: “I’m sorry I don’t introduce myself, but this business is a bit … sensitive. Can I call you Mrs. And Mr. Brown? I don’t think it’s your true name.”

    Mr. Brown almost makes a mistake, but he reacts immediately: “You’re right; Brown is a quite common surname and it was our first idea.”

    They sit down to a round table and he pulls out a couple of photos: “Here you are; at this moment you could have a girl or a boy; both turn 3 in a couple of months. I know you might have expected a smaller child, but there is none available just now,” Sally and Charlie are in the pictures. Mrs. Brown realizes that their daughters are not here anymore, but she controls herself and doesn’t say anything.

    Mrs. Brown watches the photos for awhile: “Could we see the children, please?” “Yeah, but they are having their nap, so we should wait a little. Let me invite you to a cup of coffee until then.” He walks over to a small bar and prepares three cups of coffee. Meanwhile the old lady enters the office and whispers something to the elegant man; he turns to Browns: “Maybe we could offer you younger babies, but you have to come tomorrow again. We have to do some examinations.” Mr. Brown nods: “No problem. We could look at the first two children today and at the other two tomorrow.”

    Half an hour later a babysitter appears and invites them: “Sally and Charlie are awake already. You could look at them and talk with them if you want to.”

    Sally is a happy toddler. When Browns and the babysitter enter the room, she is still in her crib. Her diaper is soaked and she would like to have a clean one: “Mel, Sally is wet,” she announces. The babysitter smiles at her: “Okay, sweetheart, let’s change.” She walks over to the bathroom, gets the supplies and comes back. She pulls down Sally’s pants, cleans her and puts a new diaper on her: “Mrs. Brown, let me introduce our Sally.” Sally stands up and runs to Mr. Brown; he cuddles her instinctively.

    Charlie, on the other hand, is in his adult mode. He wakes up and his bladder is full. Two days ago he managed to escape to the bathroom in time and come back before the babysitter arrived. This time he is late. The babysitters don’t trust him and don’t let him out of the diapers. His only option is using the diaper and waiting for a change. However he is taken aback when Mrs. Brown turns to him: “Hi, Charlie, do you need a clean diaper?” He nods and smiles at her: “Bathroom,” he points to the bathroom Mel nods: “OK, take him there; it is more comfortable to use the changing table.”

    Charlie stands up and heads towards the bathroom; Mrs. Brown follows him. It is a good opportunity for him to be alone with her. While they are walking, he wets the diaper on purpose. In the bathroom he lies down onto the changing table and turns to Mrs. Brown: “Don’t startle, please. I feel like a big boy and don’t know why.”

    Mrs. Brown needs a few seconds to compose herself, but she gets the clean diaper and commences the changing: “Charlie, how did you get here? Did you see two girl twins?” He nods: “Yeah, the twins were here, but they got adopted two days ago. I don’t have any idea how I got here and don’t remember anything from my past.”

    They finish the changing and return to the nursery. Sally is still cuddling to Mr. Brown and she looks cute. Mrs. Brown asks Mel: “Could we take them outside for awhile? It is a nice day and we could play with them.” Mel nods and leaves for the kitchen. Browns take the children to the park and they stare in disbelief at the well maintained grass, trees, benches and sandbox.

    Sally is happy that she can play with somebody and she keeps cuddling to Mr. Brown, pulling him to the sandbox and slide. Charlie sits down on a bench next to Mrs. Brown and he pretends to have fun at playing with a toy car, but he doesn’t know more than he has told to her already.

    An hour later Browns come back to the house and pass Charlie and Sally back to Mel. Sally seems to be disappointed that they are leaving. They thank the old lady and leave: “We come tomorrow again and look at the two babies.” The lady nods.

  4. #19

    Re: Happy Family

    Part 14

    Charity is still watching the surroundings and listening to all noises. There is almost silence all around. All of sudden she can hear voices of several people. Unfortunately the door is closed and she can hear muffled sounds only. The voices are coming closer and she hears a nearby door opening. There is some commotion on the corridor and Charity wishes she could come closer; unfortunately she only can lie on her back in the crib. She tries to turn around at least, but all her effort is vain.

    While Charity is thinking of the mysterious voices, she hears another sound; her stomach is grumbling. It is a response to the milk she drank earlier. She feels a movement down her bowels and a sudden pressure in her buttocks. A cold chill runs down her spine when she realizes what is going to happen. Instinctively she tries to clench the muscles, but they don’t respond. Instead she presses involuntarily; her bladder and bowels empty themselves into the diaper and it gets wet and heavy. The smell is spreading across the room. Charity is embarrassed; she can’t do anything but wait until Cathy comes and changes her. Tears appear in her eyes and she cries silently.

    Cathy appears about fifteen minutes later to check on the babies; she feels the smell and sighs. Charity guesses that Cathy doesn’t like her job very much. She lifts Charity, carries her over to the bathroom, straps her to the changing table, opens the jumper and removes the dirty diaper. Charity didn’t move too much and the cleaning process doesn’t take long. After cleaning Cathy puts a thick diaper onto her crotch, takes Charity back to the nursery and offers her a bottle of tea.

    Charity calms down and relaxes in Cathy’s arms. She realizes there is no other option than using the diaper and she should get used to it. Cathy puts her down and takes care of the boy. When she finishes, she carries both children into the playpen. They are lying next to each other and Charity reaches to the boy and strokes his head involuntarily. He turns his head, smiles and strokes Charity as well.

    Cathy sits down on the chair and starts reading her book. Both babies are lying in the playpen and Charity tries to find a toy to spend her time. She hears the voices again. This time they are closer and she can recognize two children voices and several adult ones. The adults are speaking about adoption and Charity notices that somebody comes tomorrow to look at two babies. Do they mean her and the boy?

    The adults seem to have left, but the children voices can be heard. The door opens and a boy and a girl enter the playroom. The girl leans down and looks at Charity: “Oh, two babies are here.” Her face is familiar to Charity, but she still isn’t able to identify her. The small boy smiles at the girl and she smiles back.

    The older boy heads towards the bookshelves and takes a book; he sits down and starts reading. Charity realizes he is able to think clearly just like she is. She wonders how to notify him. If he came closer, maybe she would be able to let him know.

    The girl sits down next to the playpen and gives Charity some toys. Charity takes them; it is a good way to spend the time until dinner. They are playing for awhile when the girl stands up and heads to the door, calling the babysitter: “Mel, Sally needs a clean diaper.” Charity realizes she also needs it; her diaper is wet already. However Cathy is still sitting and reading her book. Sally comes back in five minutes and sits down to Charity again.

    In the evening Cathy makes two bottles of milk, changes and feeds both babies and leaves the nursery. Charity can hear a sigh of relief; Cathy’s shift is almost over. She is getting bored and tries to fall asleep just like the small boy. Unfortunately her mind is occupied by a lot of thoughts and she isn’t able to doze off. Half an hour later the small boy fidgets and Charity can feel the smell. Minutes later her body reacts in the same way. The boy is still asleep and doesn’t mind the dirty diaper at all. Charity has to face the unpleasant feeling again, but she doesn’t want to trouble Cathy and see her angry face.

    Finally Charity hears the doors opening and a new babysitter enters the nursery. This one seems to be very nice; she changes and cleans both babies, smiles at them, cuddles them and sings them a lullaby. Charity and the boy are put into their cribs and they fall asleep.

  5. #20
    Bourbon flavored mustache Vearynope's Avatar
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    Re: Happy Family

    First of all, you have an interesting concept here. I like that there's a mystery to be solved, and while we already know quite a bit of it, things aren't being horribly rushed for the purpose of reaching particular scenes of interest. However, I think you'd do very well to slow down, and take a bit more time on this.

    It's obvious that English isn't your first language (as you stated in your introduction) so since I'm not sure myself of how to properly translate the grammar and word usage from your native language to English, I feel that addressing this would be fruitless. I'm sorry I can't really help you here. That said, it's not bad enough to really hurt readability.

    What is holding this story back from being much better is description.
    See this quote below.
    The old lady leads them through a large entrance hall to a luxurious and large office. The walls are lined by wood and all furniture is very expensive. The pictures of smiling babies are hanging on the walls. Five minutes later a well dressed man enters the room: “I’m sorry I don’t introduce myself, but this business is a bit … sensitive. Can I call you Mrs. And Mr. Brown? I don’t think it’s your true name.”
    This is one of the only points where we are given any real description of what an area looks like. Even still, it could be so much more. As a reader, I love to read how others see things. Your own method of describing visuals can really add character and personality to your work.

    You don't have to go completely overboard, nor should you repeatedly tells us the color of something you've already established, but you're currently very far from either of those. As it is, you've almost exclusively told us what things are. There is a nursery, there are cribs in it, she was in the basement. I don't need to know the exact color of everything in a scene, but you should focus on at least giving us a general idea of what a room looks and feels like, not just listing the things in it.

    The neutral color on the walls contrasted the vibrant toys scattered across the carpet.
    This doesn't even say what the colors are, but gives the general tone of the area.

    She was an excited little girl with rosy cheeks and bright eyes. Her brown curls bounced as she toddled along, and her lacy dress tried its best to keep up, but remained one movement behind each step she took.
    Children don't simply walk across rooms and set blocks together, they are enrapture by what they're doing, and it shows. Everything from the smile on their face, to the hasty-yet-unsteady steps toward their next item of interest shows just how much fun they're having. Likewise, if a baby is not having fun, it will be obvious to everyone -- even adjoining rooms.

    The old lady's scowl put Charity into a state of uneasiness. The disapproving look did not appear to be one that could be easily overcome by familiarity, but rather seemed to be a deep prejudice that would remain permanently etched into the wrinkles of her skin.
    Descriptions can do more than just show us what things look like, but also what they mean to the characters within the story. You can tell us more about Charity by what she thinks when she sees things. The strange things that she sees should play at her emotions, and her emotions will then affect her perception of the world around her.

    There's a lot of "this happened, that happened." But not a lot of how. None of the characters have much, well... character; they just see things and do things, and we're often just left to assign our own reasons why. I frankly don't even have a good idea of what the characters look like, and am simply mentally assigning features based on their names.

    And lastly, I think some of the reactions are quite unbelievable. Obviously, total realism is out the window, but you'd think that if Charity went missing, even for a few hours, her place of work would be the first place her mother looks. Likewise, the police would almost certainly be involved if there was a chance that missing children had been spotted. It doesn't have to be perfectly realistic, but you'd to well to read up on "suspension of disbelief."

    Anyway, carry on.
    Sick September Tyrannosaurus

  6. #21

    Re: Happy Family


    I’d like to thank you for the effort you put into the critique. I’ll do my best to improve my writings.

    As for the language issues, they often are an obstacle when I’m not able to express correctly what I’d like to say. I’d be grateful for every help, but I know it’s difficult. My native language is far from English and the grammar is very different indeed.

    You mentioned missing descriptions. I got a comment earlier from Ally and the description you highlighted was added as a response to this comment. Unfortunately the story is a repost and I missed the best opportunity to introduce descriptions on the very beginning. Anyway I take it into account as much as possible and I try to improve all my future stories.

    The emotions could be a problem sometimes. I’m a technician and I wrote mostly technical reports in English. However I try to add some emotions.

    As for the last issue; you are right and I fix it immediately in the next post.

    I thank you again and appreciate your effort.

  7. #22

    Re: Happy Family

    Part 15

    Hannah, the old lady, is leaving the villa when the phone rings. The boss wants to see her immediately. She enters his office and can see his very angry face: “Hannah, you are a true jackass. The idea of regressing Charity was a very bad one. Her mother called me yesterday and she had very unpleasant questions. I somehow managed to convince her that Charity had left after her shift on Tuesday.”

    “Sir, she was too curious and was searching the villa. I watched the camera records from Saturday. What if she found something?”

    “Hannah, if she had found anything suspicious, the police would be here already. They called me as well and asked about the missing Charity. Fortunately I’ve got some contacts and they diverted their focus from our company. However, if they came here and found the machine, my contacts wouldn’t be able to help me anymore. You only can pray that nothing else happens.”

    Hannah leaves and she is trembling in fear about her carelessness and its possible results. The boss calls James and asks him about the new babies.Jamesreports him on their behavior. According to the camera records neither Charity nor the boy showed a sign of adult behavior. He watches the records as well. There is one single suspicious moment in the recording when Charity reaches down to her diaper, but both men don’t consider it a sign of adult behavior:

    “James, it is an advance even if the babies are not newborn; however the boy is almost at this age. You should take Sally and Charlie and repeat the treatment.”

    James shakes his head: “I’m not sure if it works sir. Anyway we can try it out.”

    The boss looks at the records and stops again: “Look at Mrs. Brown in the bathroom. I could say she is talking with Charlie. I wish I could listen to their conversation. Unfortunately the cameras are not equipped with microphones.”

    “Do you think they are talking about something serious? I don’t think that Charlie was in the adult mode. I could watch him two days ago and he ran to the bathroom as soon as he woke up. This time he has wet himself and Mrs. Brown changed his diaper.” The boss nods. “You are probably right, James.”


    The next morning after the breakfast James comes to the nursery to check on Sally and Charlie. They are in the toddler mode and he doesn’t have any problem to convince them to come with him. He takes Charlie at hand and leads him to the machine. He isn’t sure about the outcome, but his boss ordered it.

    Charlie lies down when James tells him it is an interesting game. James connects the electrodes and starts the machine, using the same settings as with Charity and Joe two days earlier. Charlie’s eyes close and James watches him closely. However the effect isn’t the same. Charlie’s body doesn’t shrink any single inch. At this moment James remembers the test report; the bodies aren’t able to grow and they probably aren’t able to shrink either. He waits several minutes and switches the machine off. Charlie is still asleep and James carries him to his crib. He hesitates if he should continue with Sally and shrugs. It’s boss decision though.

    Sally lies down and he connects her to the machine. She also doesn’t shrink any single inch. Suddenly an error message appears on the display ‘Error 21524, Error 21547’ James startles; hopefully it isn’t serious. He brings Sally back to the nursery and tries to find the error message in the manual. It is long ago when he was coding it and he forgot about the numerous messages.

    Half an hour later he has found the message: ‘Error 21524 - mind regression control failure. The adult mind wasn’t removed properly.’ ‘Error 21547 - motor control failure. Some motor control connections were damaged.’ He tries to remember if the same message appeared earlier and checks the message logs; to his utter surprise both messages appeared today at both processes and the message 21524 appeared at more processes before.The same error message even appeared several times with Sally.

    James startles; whatever caused the 21524 messages, it could be the reason of the adult mind periods. Anyway he still hasn’t found the reason of growth suppression. Unfortunately he hasn’t time enough. Sally and Charlie seem to be failures and the boss comes today again.
    Last edited by didba59; 10-17-2017 at 09:20 AM.

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